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37 total reviews
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Comment by | | May All Beings Be Happy | | | | | Poet Rating
 | Author Rating For Short Works
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Rank: 154 | | | |
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Ha ha ah! Clever closing twist. Otherwise...yucky salad! Red and white cabbage makes good coleslaw. perfect flash fiction style and pacing. Favorite lines:
The immediate carnage. Raising the instrument high, he then slammed it down with such force as to split the blissfully unaware head in two. Each half spilled open, fully exposed, wobbling on the sacrificial oaken block.
Hilarious, in retrospect!
Warmly, rd
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Comment Written 24-Feb-2019 |
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reply by the author on 25-Feb-2019
Thanks so much, rd. Yucky, indeed. I'm almost ashamed of myself. But misdirection is the whole game with Flash. It's always the second reading that parts the curtains. As you suggest, 'Hilarious, in retrospect'. Thanks again, rd.
Peace, Lee
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reply by rama devi on 25-Feb-2019
Exactly! :-) Peace and smiles, rd
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Comment by | | Premier Author | | | Premier Reader | | | Poet Rating
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 Rank: 397 | | | |
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Comment by | | | | | | Poet Rating
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Rank: 392 | | | |
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Ha. Didn't see that coming, but I really should've, since I used to make the coleslaw we sold in the shop. It's a good tale with a neat twist.
A couple of little things, though.
How he anticipated the next part. - This needs an exclamation mark, I feel, because it is an exclamation. It's the only reason you'd start a sentence with 'How' without said sentence being a question. The exclamation mark would clarify this, otherwise it does slightly read as though you've missed the 'question' aspect of the sentence.
'stirred in mayonnaise, sugar, vinegar, oil, salt(,) pepper and fresh lemon juice.'- 'And' should be before the last thing on any list.
But again, I marvel at your ability to knock these things out.
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Comment Written 24-Feb-2019 |
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reply by the author on 25-Feb-2019
Thanks so much, Emma. I appreciate the spag alerts--I've made both revisions.
Alas, I was chopping cabbage when this idea was conceived. I can't say for sure from which head it sprang.
So, on the Isle of Sark, would my slaw recipe pass muster? Just so you know, I add toasted caraway seeds, too.
Thanks again. Peace, Lee
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reply by Sarkems on 25-Feb-2019
It'd be a posh one for us. I just used to chop up cabbage, onion and carrots, wang them into a massive tub and mix in a lot of mayo. It was very popular - still is, although I don't work in the shop any more, so someone else makes it.
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| Terrific stuff, Humpwhistle. I was preparing myself for the worst warily since I didn't see a warning for violence. Your usual sharp writing and descriptions. By the way, I love coleslaw with BBQ, so maybe you can tackle the storyof the pig next! :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations. |
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Comment Written 24-Feb-2019 |
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