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Amaya

Rhyming stanzas.

48 total reviews

Comment by

Colin John

Premier Author

Premier Reader

Poet Rating

Rank: 133

Author Rating For Short Works

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Review Stars

Rank: 151

Excellent

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A very warm and heatfelt poem , congradulations for your reconized and all time best award. it must be a great feeling being honored in this way. Keep up the good work. Kind Regards Colin

Comment Written 21-Mar-2019

reply by the author on 01-Apr-2019

Thank you very much.

Comment by

Raul1

JOSE CONDE

Miami

Poet Rating

Rank: 117

Author Rating For Short Works

Rank: 36

(+2)

Review Stars

Rank: 60

Excellent

This poem has a little bit of everything. It sounds a bit of drama and astronomy altogether. I like your poem because it's interesting. Thanks for sharing! Good luck in the contest!

Comment Written 08-Mar-2019

reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019

Yes. Drama, astronomy, astrology and what not. "poetic license"!
Thanks a lot.

reply by Raul1 on 18-Mar-2019

You're welcome.

Comment by

Sandra Elizabeth Williams

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Excellent

This is a very commendable poem. I must say I did not at first understand the beginning lines, but reading to the end and reading your notes, I was able to understand.

The rhymes are very good and flow well.

My condolences on the loss you have suffered SBD congratulations on the birth of your precious little one.

Comment Written 08-Mar-2019

reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019

Thank you very much .I am sorry for the delayed reply. was going thro a tough time.

reply by Sandra Elizabeth Williams on 18-Mar-2019

I am sorry to hear.

Comment by

Wabigoon

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Excellent

Sanku--
I think your rhyming is fine. I have some trouble with internal things:
Of growing unease (of the) life's flow. Just seems clumsy -- why not "over life's flow?"

And maybe it would be possible to include "granddaughter" instead of "guileless," so a note about who Amaya is is not necessary?

Otherwise, a good poem. My daughter-in-law is expecting a child this summer. Will be out first grandbaby.

Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff

Comment Written 08-Mar-2019

reply by the author on 10-Mar-2019

Thank you very much for this review. syllable count hinders the use of correct words. i liked your suggestion 'over life's flow ' very much .I will make that change.
Thanks a lot for the suggestions.

Comment by

Gail Denham

Premier Author

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Excellent

A lovely tribute and welcome to your granddaughter. I enjoyed your poem. I also have trouble with rhyming - I struggle with it. I think your second line might read a bit smoother -- perhaps: "like a morbid wrap, time has flung" - or "like a morbid wrap has been flung", or "like a morbid wrap, grief has flung"
Nit-picking I know - sorry - but what a joy that God gave you after the intense grief. Thanks for sharing. The picture surely suits.

Comment Written 08-Mar-2019

reply by the author on 10-Mar-2019

Thank you very much for the suggestion. I liked that and i am going to change the second line accordingly .Thanks a lot .

Comment by

Janice Canerdy

Premier Author

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Poet Rating

Rank: 41

(+3)

Author Rating For Short Works

Review Stars

Rank: 12

Excellent

This is a lovely, moving poem! The progression from fear and anxiety
to overwhelming joy and praise is so uplifting. Births can lift one from
the depths!

Comment Written 08-Mar-2019

reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019

Thank you very much for your beautiful words.

Comment by

dragonpoet

Premier Author

Poet Rating

Rank: 95

Author Rating For Short Works

Review Stars

Rank: 63

Excellent

The miracle of a child does change life forever. It brings joy and a lot of worthwhile work. It seems this child was early. It seems that joy of life won out over the sadness of death.

Good luck and keep writing

dragonpoet

Comment Written 08-Mar-2019

reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019

Thank you very much.

reply by dragonpoet on 18-Mar-2019

You are most kindly welcome.

dp

Comment by

Elisabeth Parker

Exceptional

This work has reached the exceptional level

So sweet. And true. Beautiful, like the little one. Such a lovely fitting picture to suit the poem. Perhaps your loved ones sent her early ? Knowing the comfort she would be to you.

Comment Written 08-Mar-2019

reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019

Thank you very much for this beautiful review.Thanks once again for the six stars.

Comment by

sfharper

Review Stars

Excellent

Congratulations on the grand daughter! What a lovely way to commemorate her arrival. You capture some of the low spirits and the trauma of a too quick birth. Good use of rhyme, it flows well and is easy to read. Enjoyed it.

Comment Written 07-Mar-2019

reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019

Thank you very much.Sorry for the delay in replying.

Comment by

A. Willow Bends

Premier Author

Wendy

Poet Rating

Rank: 77

Author Rating For Short Works

Review Stars

Rank: 202

Exceptional

I think you did a remarkable job with this piece. Your flow is there, the topic is wonderful. I sincerely appreciated you sharing the author notes. This visual is wonderful to go with your words. The rhyming is quite nice and extremely appropriate and lovely for this poem. This has all the elements of perfection, in my opinion and what a lovely tribute to Amaya. I hope you have this enlarged and framed for her! Just a suggestion.
wendy

Comment Written 07-Mar-2019

reply by the author on 18-Mar-2019

Thanks once again for your glittering stars.

reply by A. Willow Bends on 18-Mar-2019

You are so very welcome!
Wendy

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