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Reviews from
The Southern Seas part seven


A fantasy pirate tale

  16 total reviews 
Comment by
Mistydawn
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And the dad would have to walk in when everything is complete dissaray, lol. The story is well-written, interesting, your characters come to life and your dialogue seems real, nice job. Good luck with your contest.


 Comment Written 05-Apr-2019



reply by the author on 11-Apr-2019
    Thank you, Misty! I appreciate it.
Comment by
beizanten
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a sexy picture. a very interesting summary that easily entices reader to read more. you describe the setting and character action and emotion very well, bringing the characters and story into life. Also an interesting plotline. Keep it up!


 Comment Written 05-Apr-2019



reply by the author on 11-Apr-2019
    Thank you!
Comment by
KyColonel Randal
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This is a very interesting piece; there is a lot going on. There are several questions leaving the reader wanting more, such as where did the spiders coming from, does Cardoren believe the boy, does the relationship blossom, etc? As I see this is part seven of a larger work, I can only hope the story will continue from here. Thank you for sharing this selection.


 Comment Written 04-Apr-2019



reply by the author on 11-Apr-2019
    Thanks very much!
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BeasPeas
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Hi Russell. I'm amused by the spider sequence and the gyrations of the couple. There is a mixed message in this chapter given to the reader by Cardoren's push-pull behavior--allowing private access to his daughter while threatening Niall if he misbehaves, allowing him to bring a wine/beer to her which is a further mixed message as it may lessen inhibitions. He's broadcasting--go to see her but don't touch her or your life is at stake. Whether it's fear of disobeying Cadoren or desire to see Tawny privately, Nialls dares enter her room. Anything more than a brief kiss initiated by Tawny is interrupted by the spider. Wording, dialogue, and scene setting highlight the chapter. Marilyn


 Comment Written 25-Mar-2019



reply by the author on 27-Mar-2019
    Thanks, Marilyn! I'm glad you enjoyed the spider fumblings with Nialls and Tawny. "A paradox, a paradox, a most ingenious paradox" don't remember where that came from, but was a play or pirate movie. Cheers!
Comment by
Pearl Edwards
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Loved this chapter Russell, Cardoren virtually giving his blessings to Nialls and his daughter Tawny. I can completely relate to the spider incident, made a great finish to this chapter.
cheers,
valda


 Comment Written 17-Mar-2019



reply by the author on 24-Mar-2019
    Very much appreciated, Valda! Glad you liked it.
Comment by
Michaelk
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That was an awesome turn from the standard first encounter, not at all what I expected. The spider was a stroke of genius, especially with how they ended up and having Cardoren walk in just then. It was a classic sitcom maneuver. However, with the ending, I'm sure it's not going to turn up in a laugh.
Nice to end the chapter up in the air like that.
I saw no grammar nits. As usual, this chapter flowed smooth as glass.


 Comment Written 17-Mar-2019



reply by the author on 24-Mar-2019
    Many thanks, Michael!
Comment by
SLMorrical
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This is a wonderful story. You have captured the characters of that time frame wonderfully. I am very afraid of spiders and would have reacted as Tawny did. Nialls is trying to be a gentleman and kill the spider and ends up in an awkward moment when Tawny's father opened the cabin door. Very well done. Keep writing.


 Comment Written 14-Mar-2019



reply by the author on 15-Mar-2019
    Thanks very much!
Comment by
giraffmang
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lol, I enjoyed this chapter as the hapless Nialls tries his best...

"Hmm ... might effect tomorrow night's game. Him being the lord and all." - I think in this instance it would be affect rather than effect.

They drank sip and savored the deep plum flavors with a hint of cherries. - this read a bit awkwardly to me. You could delete sip.

I did notice over the last chapters that they drink sips quite a bit. Might want to change that up a bit, surely someone takes a gulp, swallow or mouthful at some point! Lol

She was twelve when I first brought along,- maybe insert her after brought.

"Spider!" She jumped up into Nialls arms. - Nialls'.

All the best
G


 Comment Written 13-Mar-2019



reply by the author on 15-Mar-2019
    Many thanks, G!
Comment by
royowen
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How unfortunate fo Nialls, being caught in a compromising situation with Cardorn's daughter, after what Cardoren had told him what happened to the unfortunate sailor who had been caught barely touching her. A very interesting episode indeed, excellent work, blessings, Roy


 Comment Written 12-Mar-2019



reply by the author on 15-Mar-2019
    Thanks, Roy! Hope it wasn't too risque.

reply by royowen on 15-Mar-2019
    It was fine
Comment by
Y. M. Roger
FantasyGirl
 
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Oh, Russ, this is just awesome! Very well written chapter with your development of seeing a different side of Cardoren (although, I'm wondering what he's thinking...a test, of sorts, but how far? was the spider part of it? Hmmmm....)....and the description of the 'tussle' was priceless! :) ;) Thanx for sharing and I am definitely looking forward to your next chapter, sir - thanx for keeping the age of tall ships alive for us all! ;) :) Yvette ;)


 Comment Written 12-Mar-2019



reply by the author on 15-Mar-2019
    Thank, Yvette! I really appreciate your support.
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