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Reviews from
Fine web

5-7-5 poem

22 total reviews

Comment by

rama devi

May All Beings Be Happy

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Review Stars

Rank: 133

Excellent

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Great imagery and commentary in three short lines! Great word economy (though the middle line has room for improvement along those lines by replacing THE with a descriptive word). Example

Fine dew studded web
glitters in soft morning sun
crafty charm entice.

The phonetics are fantastic with all the S, T, F and M sounds!

The flow could be improved by using punctuation (in my opinion). Example:

Fine dew-studded web
glitters in the morning sun--
crafty charm-entice.

The reason for hyphenating charm-entice is that, otherwise, it sounds forced because, grammatically, it would be entices, which would add an extra syllable.

Using the hyphen remedies that...and is an original combination for a compound!

Namaste,
rd

PS The edits are optional, so five stars.

Comment Written 11-May-2019

reply by the author on 14-May-2019

using hyphen is a good idea. but can we use punctuation in 5-7-5?
Some reviewers advice me not to use punctuation at all !

reply by rama devi on 14-May-2019

Absolutely! 5-7-5 has no restrictions like that. However, haiku rules are different and say punctuation should be minimized (but it is permitted, in line)

Comment by

susand3022

Review Stars

Excellent

Hi Sanku, Isn't the dew a nice thing in the morning if you live in a place that the spiders like to be? I don't worry about it on one side of the house, but the other has more trees and foliage and tends to end up webby across the walkway from time to time. That morning dew can be a blessing, or you can end up with a face full of spiderweb! :(

Comment Written 26-Apr-2019

reply by the author on 04-May-2019

Thank you very much for reading and sharing your thoughts.yes Morning dew is a blessing.

Comment by

TPAC

Premier Author

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Rank: 175

Excellent

Dew tingles on a spider web will attract, sun adding to the enticement, creative conveyance in this read, all stated in my opinion of this particular write.

Comment Written 25-Apr-2019

reply by the author on 04-May-2019

Thank you very much.

Comment by

l.raven

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Rank: 100

Excellent

Hi Sanku, they may be made be some pretty scary critters...but they can make some amazing web designs...
some are stunning...and when wet beautiful...I love your poem...and love this picture...very nicely written...love you...Linda xxoo

Comment Written 24-Apr-2019

reply by the author on 04-May-2019

True .I always wondered how these creatures could weave such geometrically symmetrical webs!

reply by l.raven on 04-May-2019

and fast...love you...xxoo

Comment by

Tina Crute

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Rank: 573

Excellent

Love, love, love the word choice....dew studded, glisten,etc. The glistening web entices. This is most likely a winner and I would give six stars if I had them.
Great job!
Tina

Comment Written 24-Apr-2019

reply by the author on 04-May-2019

Thank you very much. your words cheered me up.

reply by Tina Crute on 04-May-2019

You are welcome! You chose
words that provided a lot
of imagery and feelings :-)

Comment by

tfawcus

Level 2 Pro

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Rank: 2

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Rank: 97

#2 Ranked Author

Excellent

Your 5-7-5 is well matched to the accompanying illustration. I liked the first two lines but found your third line a little awkward. I wondered if something more grammatically connected might work better, e.g. crafty enticement.

Comment Written 24-Apr-2019

reply by the author on 04-May-2019

Thank you very much.Thanks for the suggestion .

Comment by

SeanFox16

Excellent

Beautiful little poem. Illicits memories of early morning walks in the hills with the sun lighting up vast arrays of cobwebs coated in the dew of the night. Best of luck in the contest.

Comment Written 24-Apr-2019

reply by the author on 04-May-2019

Thank you very much for your comments.dew on cobwebs causes nostalgia, I suppose.

Comment by

Bichon

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Rank: 198

Excellent

A great descriptive write. You have included the purity and beautiful nature of a thin web in such little space. I don't like spiders, but I can admire their webs with ease!

Comment Written 24-Apr-2019

reply by the author on 04-May-2019

Thank you ver much.I too dont like them but their craft is stunning.

Comment by

Bicpen

Review Stars

Excellent

Excellent ... the image works well with a disclosure of intrigue. It draws into the creation the idea and follows through to a good completion where the final secret is revealed ... its all about entrapment ... please be careful.

Comment Written 23-Apr-2019

reply by the author on 04-May-2019

Thank you very much.yes. it is all about entrapment !

Comment by

Sandra du Plessis

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Rank: 26

(+2)

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Rank: 13

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Rank: 5

#5 Ranked Reviewer

Excellent

A very well-written 5-7-5 poem inspired by the perfectly spinner fine Web studded with pearls of dew that glitters in the early morning sun. Reminds of artwork from a crafts hope.

Comment Written 23-Apr-2019

reply by the author on 04-May-2019

Thank you very much .

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