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5-7-5 Poetry Contest
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Deadline: Jan 25th

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Reviews from
Fine web


5-7-5 poem

  22 total reviews 
Comment by
rama devi
May All Beings Be Happy
 
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 Rank:  133
 
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Great imagery and commentary in three short lines! Great word economy (though the middle line has room for improvement along those lines by replacing THE with a descriptive word). Example

Fine dew studded web
glitters in soft morning sun
crafty charm entice.

The phonetics are fantastic with all the S, T, F and M sounds!

The flow could be improved by using punctuation (in my opinion). Example:

Fine dew-studded web
glitters in the morning sun--
crafty charm-entice.


The reason for hyphenating charm-entice is that, otherwise, it sounds forced because, grammatically, it would be entices, which would add an extra syllable.

Using the hyphen remedies that...and is an original combination for a compound!

Namaste,
rd

PS The edits are optional, so five stars.


 Comment Written 11-May-2019



reply by the author on 14-May-2019
    using hyphen is a good idea. but can we use punctuation in 5-7-5?
    Some reviewers advice me not to use punctuation at all !

reply by rama devi on 14-May-2019
    Absolutely! 5-7-5 has no restrictions like that. However, haiku rules are different and say punctuation should be minimized (but it is permitted, in line)
Comment by
susand3022
 
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Hi Sanku, Isn't the dew a nice thing in the morning if you live in a place that the spiders like to be? I don't worry about it on one side of the house, but the other has more trees and foliage and tends to end up webby across the walkway from time to time. That morning dew can be a blessing, or you can end up with a face full of spiderweb! :(


 Comment Written 26-Apr-2019



reply by the author on 04-May-2019
    Thank you very much for reading and sharing your thoughts.yes Morning dew is a blessing.
Comment by
TPAC
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  Rank:  175
 
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Dew tingles on a spider web will attract, sun adding to the enticement, creative conveyance in this read, all stated in my opinion of this particular write.


 Comment Written 25-Apr-2019



reply by the author on 04-May-2019
    Thank you very much.
Comment by
l.raven
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  Rank:  100
 
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Hi Sanku, they may be made be some pretty scary critters...but they can make some amazing web designs...
some are stunning...and when wet beautiful...I love your poem...and love this picture...very nicely written...love you...Linda xxoo


 Comment Written 24-Apr-2019



reply by the author on 04-May-2019
    True .I always wondered how these creatures could weave such geometrically symmetrical webs!

reply by l.raven on 04-May-2019
    and fast...love you...xxoo
Comment by
Tina Crute
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  Rank:  573
 
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Love, love, love the word choice....dew studded, glisten,etc. The glistening web entices. This is most likely a winner and I would give six stars if I had them.
Great job!
Tina


 Comment Written 24-Apr-2019



reply by the author on 04-May-2019
    Thank you very much. your words cheered me up.

reply by Tina Crute on 04-May-2019
    You are welcome! You chose
    words that provided a lot
    of imagery and feelings :-)
Comment by
tfawcus
Level 2 Pro
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  Rank:  97
 

#2 Ranked Author
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Your 5-7-5 is well matched to the accompanying illustration. I liked the first two lines but found your third line a little awkward. I wondered if something more grammatically connected might work better, e.g. crafty enticement.


 Comment Written 24-Apr-2019



reply by the author on 04-May-2019
    Thank you very much.Thanks for the suggestion .
Comment by
SeanFox16
 
 
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Beautiful little poem. Illicits memories of early morning walks in the hills with the sun lighting up vast arrays of cobwebs coated in the dew of the night. Best of luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 24-Apr-2019



reply by the author on 04-May-2019
    Thank you very much for your comments.dew on cobwebs causes nostalgia, I suppose.
Comment by
Bichon
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  Rank:  198
 
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A great descriptive write. You have included the purity and beautiful nature of a thin web in such little space. I don't like spiders, but I can admire their webs with ease!


 Comment Written 24-Apr-2019



reply by the author on 04-May-2019
    Thank you ver much.I too dont like them but their craft is stunning.
Comment by
Bicpen
 
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Excellent ... the image works well with a disclosure of intrigue. It draws into the creation the idea and follows through to a good completion where the final secret is revealed ... its all about entrapment ... please be careful.


 Comment Written 23-Apr-2019



reply by the author on 04-May-2019
    Thank you very much.yes. it is all about entrapment !
Comment by
Sandra du Plessis
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  Rank:  26 (+2)
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 Rank:  5
 

#5 Ranked Reviewer
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A very well-written 5-7-5 poem inspired by the perfectly spinner fine Web studded with pearls of dew that glitters in the early morning sun. Reminds of artwork from a crafts hope.


 Comment Written 23-Apr-2019



reply by the author on 04-May-2019
    Thank you very much .
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