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Reviews from
Battle of Cape Longo part one


An epic, fantasy pirate battle

  17 total reviews 
Comment by
tfawcus
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It seems that Silver Mary is a woman of many parts, and one not averse to mixing business with pleasure.

You generate a good sense of the ordered chaos on deck in preparation for the forthcoming battle.

A couple of points for your consideration:
The Maiden Fair and The Fury, are in (on) route to ambush an Orserian cog

sought out the whore to be betrothed to. [I thought the phrasing of this slightly awkward. How about 'sought a whore for betrothal'?]

Archers group A to the poopdeck, B (Archers) to the main deck, and group C to the forecastle. [Not sure that you need to repeat 'archers' here - especially as they appear again in the next sentence.]

A rip-roaring yarn with consideration given to the tactical accuracy of the preparations. Enjoyed.


 Comment Written 10-Jun-2019


Comment by
Sandra Montanino
 
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It's interesting how you've been able to recreate not only a story of this era, but you have the language down and you know the parts of the ship, like the bell sounding from the crow's nest. It's very convincing. Well done!


 Comment Written 10-Jun-2019


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Maria Millsaps
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Pirates stories are fascinating and full of adventure. This story has a lot of potentials. I like your set up for the conflict. I look forward to reading more.


 Comment Written 10-Jun-2019


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humpwhistle
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I enjoyed this, Russell. I like the language and the taut propulsion of the story. The word 'fantasy' frightens me a little--I'm not sure which laws of physics apply in this realm. But, so far, I've got a whore, pirates, and a looming battle. These are all things I understand. Carry on, Sir.

Oh, what the hell is a ballista?

Peace, Lee


 Comment Written 09-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
    Thanks, Lee. Sorry about the late reply. I took some time off. To answer your question, a ballista is a siege weapon; it resembles a giant crossbow.
Comment by
Pearl Edwards
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Great little scene with the interaction between Silver Mary and Gerson and in the end, before battle, the stolen kiss. Great chapter to lead in to the battle to come,
cheers,
valda


 Comment Written 16-May-2019



reply by the author on 17-May-2019
    Thanks for the sixer on this one, Valda! It was one of my favorites.
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sandragee
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Silver Mary is a whore/businesswoman. The line 'Impending death unclenched even the most frugal of consumers' purses, and they'd practically thrown money at her in a frenzy' shows how the fear of death is good for business for Mary. She's a woman of many talents. One minute she's Silver Mary, the 'morale' officer, and in the next moment, she's Gunner Mary aiming dead center at a galleon.
Another great character living on the Maiden Fair.


 Comment Written 09-May-2019



reply by the author on 11-May-2019
    Thanks so much, Sandra. I appreciate it.
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From whore to warrior. What a poetic description of the kiss. Nice inner conflict here. A delicious mini-love scene seconds before a bloody battle. Well-done. With humor too:
Her last client even knew his way around her womanhood; a thing most men fumbled with and made worse. That's not it.


 Comment Written 07-May-2019



reply by the author on 11-May-2019
    Lol, thanks Shari! Really appreciate you checking out this part.
Comment by
Mastery
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Hi, Russ Switching POV is a bit risky, but I suppose it can be done. No law against it. LOL
Nice imagery throughout, my friend, like:

"Gerson swept his blond hair from his handsome face; a trickle of sweat ran down the side of it. "Ballista group one to the forecastle deck.""

And:She stood on her tiptoes; their faces almost touched. "To hell with it," she mumbled and kissed him, a warm, slightly wet one. It tingled in its sweetness, lingering longer in a desperate dance"

I liked this description: "Most days were gold days for her, and with the word of an upcoming battle, her chambers had a steady flow of men. Impending death unclenched even the most frugal of consumers' purses, and they'd practically thrown money at her in a frenzy."

Good job, Russ. Bob


 Comment Written 07-May-2019



reply by the author on 11-May-2019
    Thanks, Bob! I appreciate the support.
Comment by
Y. M. Roger
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Oooooo, one of those love-affair-if-you-dare kinda stories, eh? :) I like it! :) You've done a great job dropping emotional and small physical cues here and there and love the way the pauses and touches really work to support your dialogue -- great job, Russ!! :) :) Gonna like the little 'side story' addition....makes the whole crew/setting take on a broader/deeper feel to it. :) ;) These undercurrents are necessary to keep the reader living in the moment and not just having most of you folks be 'paper dolls' that appear/disappear as needed to complete a scene ... thanx for sharing! ;) :) Yvette


 Comment Written 06-May-2019



reply by the author on 06-May-2019
    Thank you so much, Yvette! I'm really happy this one worked for you. I'm about nine posts ahead, and I hope I can flesh out these secondary characters and give them a moment to shine.
Comment by
JudyE
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I really enjoyed reading this although I have read any other chapters.

I do have a couple of suggestions but, of course, ignore them if you don't agree.

The want to kiss him, to feel his passion, emerged, - the want to kiss him, although probably correct, sounds a bit odd to me. I might have said 'the urge' or 'the need'

She stood on her tip toes; 'tip toes' is one word.

Cheers. Judy



 Comment Written 06-May-2019



reply by the author on 06-May-2019
    Thank you, Judy! I'm so pleased you read this part. Thank you for the suggestions. Those compound words get me sometimes.
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