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Reviews from
Assassin Nation


Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Among the Dead"

A sequel to the novel Baker's Dozen

  10 total reviews 
Comment by
2020 Novelist of the Year
sandramitchell
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Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
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Lots happened in this one. Obviously Conner, Baker, Joseph and Tim are all dead. That's a shame. What will this all most dead lady have to say? That should be interesting. I have to say, I hope this isn't what goes on in the White House!! A bit scary to think everyone is fodder for the practice courts. Hmm! :)) Sandra xx


 Comment Written 14-Feb-2021



reply by the author on 15-Feb-2021
    This chapter should show the characters many gadgets and temperament.
Comment by
kahpot
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As you can see I'm still catching up, in this chapter I found a couple "ooppsses" the start of the third paragraph "Kontroz" previously it has been (kondroz) the sixth paragraph " Ultalight" (Ultralight) and back to the third paragraph "one was a virtually rotting corpse" ( one was virtually a rotting corpse) this last one is just me, and I have another Question I believe in an earlier chapter at the end when Manny first heard of his departure the plane was written as a Ultralite/ no matter I still very much enjoying this story****kahpot


Ultalight


 Comment Written 27-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 28-Jul-2019
    Fixed the Kontroz thing. I?ll choose an ultralight spelling and fix it too. I like your phrasing better for virtually.
Comment by
brenda faye curtis
 
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I take it Kontroz is supposed to be one of the good guys (if any are able to be considered good in this type of world), but what can he do with one witness? Will anyone believe the truth, even if proof was presented?


 Comment Written 15-May-2019



reply by the author on 15-May-2019
    Connor, who runs this operation, was the puppetmaster, but is assumed dead. Kontroz is reacting to what he finds to fill in what is unknown. He can't save the woman, but maybe others can.
    We don't know anything about the new people going forward.

reply by brenda faye curtis on 17-May-2019
    Ok. Cool!
Comment by
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lyenochka
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Interesting progress in the story. So you think in real life, some other group is really in control over the White House? Seems like Sam is the one really in charge.
I like the reference to the Good Samaritan - but I didn't think Manuel would be one. The woman - isn't she someone's wife from the first book?


 Comment Written 13-May-2019



reply by the author on 13-May-2019
    Thanks, lyenochka, for knowing this character from Baker's Dozen. Yes, that's who she is. The other item, which only you could possibly know at this point, is that one of the dead in the enclosure is missing. As for the characters here now, I'm complicating Samantha's persona as a person who is not what she appears to be -- all the time. The 'audio trigger' frees her to do what she has been programed NOT to do. I am shaping her to be a muted sociopath. I'm going deep with both her and Manuel, who has a messiah complex that is broadening as his abilities become more apparent.
Comment by
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Ulla
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Hi Bill, this is satire if I've ever seen it. poop-a-diddle!, yeah that a new way of putting it. I'm looking forward to read more of this wonderful story of yours. All the best. Ulla:))


 Comment Written 13-May-2019



reply by the author on 13-May-2019
    Thank you, Ulla
Comment by
Y. M. Roger
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Poop-a-diddle? Are you kidding me now?!! I'm laughing just from that! :) :) Gotta put all the pieces together, but I'll get there.... look forward to the next installment! :) Yvette
to the ultalight --> to the ultralight



 Comment Written 13-May-2019



reply by the author on 13-May-2019
    Thanks, Yvette, for staying with this one. I had originally given Manuel a another word, but I am still working on his mannerisms.
Comment by
Brett Matthew West
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That is one way to assassinate the president - on the porcelain throne. Sam seems oblivious to her deed though. What is she doing in the bathroom the president is dumping in anyway? Description of dead bodies found by Manuel vivid. Bloody scene and body parts scattered about. Reminds of a war zone. Abrupt ending, in which Manuel seems not to be overly concerned the president is dead, leaves the reader asking, "Is that all to this part?" as if more should be offered here. Good Samaritan parable almost as if Manuel feels he can clean up the mess by tending to the woman he places on the ultralight aircraft. Seems to be a whole lot of poop-a-diddle occurring in this chapter.


 Comment Written 13-May-2019



reply by the author on 13-May-2019
    Always, chapters require reading as part of a bigger work and, being a sequel, some familiarity with the previous story.

    The characters are being fleshed out, as Manuel has a messiah complex and Samantha is being kept sociable with a governor suggestion which allows her to be high-functioning while also a sociopath.

reply by Brett Matthew West on 13-May-2019
    They certainly have character flaws. That comes across clearly. Still thought the ending comes across as being abruptly halted. Perhaps will try to read more of this story.

reply by the author on 13-May-2019
    I have found that readers won't follow long chapters and must be constantly hooked to read on.
Comment by
nomi338
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Oh you are good at this. As part of the clean up you managed to sneak in the Good Samaritan parable, the act as well as the verbiage. Like I said, you are good. This story is progressing apace, I am at this point in a cloudy fog as to where it will go next. I am determined to follow wherever it leads.


 Comment Written 12-May-2019



reply by the author on 12-May-2019
    Terrific, nomi. I hope that all readers will have to know what's next.
Comment by
susand3022
 
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"Poop-a-diddle" indeed Bill! I wonder if that's a good "poop" or a bad "poop" for Manuel? These people seem awfully messed up and around with! I mean Sam is under someone else's control and she kills the President... does she even think it's a bad thing when she snaps out of it? Who knows? She sure is calm, cool and collected! She doesn't seem put off at all by the fact that she was standing there talking to him one minute and the next he's dead on the floor, with nothing in between?? Well, she's some kind of government gal so maybe she's used to expecting that kind of thing! LOL (I think I'd be pissed at being used... but maybe Sam knows who to blame and she's saving it for the culprit?) Guess I'll have to wait and see. :)


 Comment Written 12-May-2019



reply by the author on 12-May-2019
    I'm complicating her 'being used' to play into a reverse idea that Samantha is not who she appears to be -- all the time. The 'audio trigger' frees her to do what she has been programed NOT to do. I'm going deep with both her and Manuel.

reply by susand3022 on 12-May-2019
    OOOOOHHH!!!! Tricky, Tricky!!! :) :) :)
Comment by
Earl Corp
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Poop-a-diddle? What a creative way to get around a language warning. Is he coming back? There are more bodies and the live ones. Can't wait to read the next installment.


 Comment Written 12-May-2019



reply by the author on 12-May-2019
    Thank you, Earl. Hope to have another chapter out in the morning.
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