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Four Line Poem
Deadline: Jun 20th


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Reviews from
Recipe for Tragedy


4-line poem (1-5-5-9)

  10 total reviews 
Comment by
closetpoetjester
Metronomaniacal
Tendancies
 
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Excellent
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It doesn't sound like any good can come of this reckless twist of fate, embellished with cruel lashings.
Yeah I reckon that second bit would be hard to come back from.
A twist of fate? Well, you can always change your destiny if you try hard enough...
Jealousy is a faithless friend though
Good luck with these four lines although I am not sure the solitary word in the first constitutes a line.
I'm no English teacher though. I'll leave that to the judges.
Good luck with that LOL
P


 Comment Written 14-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 15-Jun-2019
    Thank you as always for the thoughtful comments. The judges have only themselves to blame for the truncated first line - the conditions stipulated a format of 1-5-5-9 syllables.

    Steve

reply by closetpoetjester on 15-Jun-2019
    All good then LOL
Comment by
juliaSjames
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Absolutely a winner. Rotten Tomatoes will want to use it. The Jeopardy team will open a new category - poetic movie summaries.

You sustain the metaphor and then some.

I would have gone with serve cold. But heat works too.

Awesome, Steve.

Blessings, Julia


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2019
    Julia, thanks as always for the great review and the endless stream of sixes.

    I am still wrangling with that last line and serving the dish cold is a great suggestion.

    Steve

reply by juliaSjames on 13-Jun-2019
    Always welcome!
Comment by
2019 Poet of the Year
Dolly'sPoems
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I have not seen the movie, but of course the story is so well known and I have read the play and seen it at the theatre too! You managed to capture the essence of the story in 16 words here, I wish you luck with the contest, I enjoyed every word, love Dolly x


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2019
    Thanks, Dolly. I actually made a mistake about the picture - it is from an earlier version of R&J by Franco Zeffirelli - also an excellent retelling of the tale.

    Steve
Comment by
2017 Poet of the Year
Barb Hensongispsaca
Barb Henson
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I truly like this entry to the four line poem contest. It is perfectly done and I really appreciated the last line, the reason this turn of fate really happened. Nicely done


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2019
    Thanks, Barb.

    It is a compelling story, which is why it inspires so many remakes. One of the best movies I can recall watching as a child was West Side Story, which of course used the same plot.

    Steve
Comment by
rosehill (Wendy)
Rosehill
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Love the reference, the wording and photo (which, by the way is of Olivia Hussey and Leonard Whiting in the 1968 Zeffirelli version). Still one of my favorite movies. Every time I watch it I still hope for a happily ever after ending.


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2019
    Thanks, Wendy. Of course you are right about the picture. To tell the truth I barely glanced at it! Also an excellent rendition of R&J.

    I doubt if anyone will ever be brave enough to tell it with a happy ending. Oh wait. I think there was some idiot back in the 19th century who did several of the tragedies for stage with happy endings!

    Steve
Comment by
barbara.wilkey
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Romeo and Juliet has always amazed me. These two only knew each other for 3 days. Anyway, I enjoyed reading your contest entry and wish you the best of luck.


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2019
    Thanks, Barbara. Perhaps they really belonged to this generation where everything seems to be rush, rush, rush.

    To quote the play - wisely and slow. They stumble who run fast.

    Steve
Comment by
Michele Harber
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This is an absolutely beautiful description of Romeo and Juliette (and all other young lovers kept apart by others' intolerance). Your last line, in particular, uses metaphor very powerfully.

My only problem is that the last line is only 8 syllables, when the rule calls for 9. If you're using "cruel" as a two-syllable word, you might want to mention that in your notes, as it's generally pronounced with only one syllable. If you don't want to worry about that, you might prefer to say "and then sear ... ." I hope this is helpful.


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2019
    Thanks, Michele.

    I did pause on that last line and consider 'cruel'. Then I went and checked several online references and every single one was clear that 'cruel' has two syllables CRU-EL. I'm sure that many people do pronounce it as one, but I believe I have the experts on my side!

    Steve

reply by Michele Harber on 13-Jun-2019
    I?m glad you checked it. I just wanted to be sure the judges didn?t hassle you. If you have the experts on your side, then I have to assume I?ve been mispronouncing it all along. Thanks for letting me know.

reply by the author on 13-Jun-2019
    It's a judgement call. Personally I'm likely to call it one and a half syllables!

    Anyway, this is a site contest, so you never get any feedback as to whether the judging committee thinks you've done anything wrong. They just won't choose it!

reply by Michele Harber on 13-Jun-2019
    Oh well. I hope they pronounce it with two syllables, because it?s a really well-done poem.
Comment by
tfawcus
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Splendid recipe. Kitchen sink drama from the medieval kitchen. Wordplay a worthy substitute for swordplay.
The cupboard is bare, so I can't salt it with as many stars as it deserves. Instead, let me drizzle it with praise.


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2019
    Thank you for the drizzle. If I'd had syllables to spare I might have sprinkled more garnish on the meal. BTW do you think the dish is best served hot or cold? I'm still thinking about that last line.

    Steve

reply by tfawcus on 13-Jun-2019
    Reckless young lovers - hot, I think.
Comment by
LisaMay
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#1 Ranked Author!

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Your poem captures the dramatic mix of misfortune that befell Romeo and Juliet... a universal sure-fire mix of ingredients when hate gets involved to mess up other people's hopes. Baz Luhrmann is a wonderful director.


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2019
    Thanks, Lisa.

    You didn't spot the error in my notes - it's not the Luhrmann version, it's Zeffirelli's! Not Leo, but Leonard (Whiting) Now whatever became of him?

    Steve

reply by LisaMay on 13-Jun-2019
    But I still think Luhrmann is a great director! I saw the Zeffirelli version when I was in high school... one of the lads yelled out 'ya greedy pig' when Romeo was bemoaning the fact that Juliet drank all the poison.
Comment by
Alcreator Litt Dear
 
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This poem shows all the elements of dramatic presentation of tragedy, how love becomes a tragedy to the lovers; well said, well done. Keep writing -- DR ALCREATOR


 Comment Written 13-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 13-Jun-2019
    Thank you as always for the kind comments.

    Steve
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