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Reviews from
Lost on Planet Z


Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Old Enemies"

This is a sci-fi book especially for girls.

  8 total reviews 
Comment by
Sasha
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Sasha
 
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You did a great job with this. As always, the descriptions were terrific and the story is moving along very nicely. I do hope she is able to keep the two idiots from plundering the planet. Apparently she has a memory of them once being there. I am sure this will have something to do with this story. Thanks for sharing this with us.


 Comment Written 18-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 19-Jun-2019
    Oh, thank you for reviewing, Sasha! I'm honored that you make time for it. Hugs!

reply by Sasha on 26-Jun-2019
    I am really enjoying this book.
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Joan E.
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I liked the way you weaved in how Hen got her name, even though it involved the mocking sounds of another anthropologist. How sad that Joe copied her research, but they got their comeuppance with the nitrous oxide! I also admired the parallel, mushroom picture. Brava! -Joan


 Comment Written 17-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 17-Jun-2019
    Thank you so much for your encouragement, Joan! Those mushrooms volunteered in my yard and no, I didn't taste them. Lol. Hugs
Comment by
Mystic Angel 7777
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This is very well written. The time you take to clarify anything that might be confusing is admirable and appreciated. I saw no SPAG making for an enjoyable read from beginning to end. Nicely done and thank you for sharing it.


 Comment Written 15-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 15-Jun-2019
    Thank you for reading this children's prose, too, Monica. Appreciate you!
Comment by
susand3022
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Hahahahaha!!! Helen, I love the stinking, laughing mushrooms! So funny... Nitrus mushrooms... lol, I do hope though, that the fuzzy leaf doesn't take away so much of her anxiety that she forgets entirely why she wants to leave so soon. :)


 Comment Written 15-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 15-Jun-2019
    Thank you so much for enjoying my unpredictable planet, Susan! Hugs!
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Sandra du Plessis
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A very well-written chapter and the arrival of the colleagues bring fear that they will come and destroy the peaceful island with their scientific knowledge and spoil everything for the people of the island.


 Comment Written 15-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 15-Jun-2019
    Thank you for reviewing this little sci-fi story, Sandra. I hope to finish in another two chapters. Hugs!
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royowen
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The fruit has changed both the mood and the memory, but isn't that a little like God forgetting that.He has nothing against us because of Christ.give me some of that fruit. These two guys have changed the whole mood on this planet, but somehow I think the planet can protect itself, great story and episode,plus characters well done, blessings, Roy


 Comment Written 15-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 15-Jun-2019
    Oh, thank you so much, Roy! You've blessed me with understanding the need for forgiveness like God forgives. Appreciate your deep reading. Blessings on your time of worship!

reply by royowen on 15-Jun-2019
    Well done
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BeasPeas
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Hi Helen. This is a really fun and interesting chapter to your story. Hen is attached to the Bodhee and tries to protect them.

I did find a few typos to fix and I have a couple of suggestions:
"Ash was top of the class in manually (manual) piloting..."

"He was named after the famous creator of the periodic table, Dmitri Mendeleev (add ,) so why couldn't he respect my father naming me after the astronomer,"

"Worst of all, Joe was the one that copied my research and passed it off as his one (eliminate "one" ~ it's not needed here and there are 2 "ones" in this sentence).

"It's funny, I never spent a second thinking about these guys all the time I was on this beautiful planet. But as soon as these guys (eliminate "these guys" and substitute "they" because you already have "these guys" in the prior sentence) landed and mocked and threatened these trees, all the hurtful things they did to me and Ash in the past bubbled over in my brain."

"I forgot that I was being watched. (delete .) and Soon (soon) BahBee and MahMee were hovering over me."

I will pass on a couple of things I noticed in this chapter. These are tips passed on to me from my own reviewers.
Watch out for overly long sentences when it is more concise to split them into two sentences.
Watch for repeated words like "and" and "but."
Try not to start a sentence with "but."

These are suggestions only, so please do what you think is best for your story.
Hugs,
Marilyn




 Comment Written 14-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 15-Jun-2019
    Thanks so much, Marilyn, for these helpful edits. I've changed these blunders, some were the result of editing!
    Hugs!!
Comment by
damommy
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Oh, no! I hadn't thought about anyone else landing here. These guys spell disaster for this wonderful little world. Something must be done to stop them from going back with all the information.


 Comment Written 14-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 15-Jun-2019
    Thank you so much for your supportive review, Yvonne. I'm always blessed by your reviews! Hugs!
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