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Reviews from
'Tother woman not


swap quatrain for potlatch

  10 total reviews 
Comment by
2020 Short Work Writer of the Year
LisaMay
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  Rank:  25
 

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You have employed the poetic swap with dexterity here. It works well in your hands. The poem's feel is poignant... temptation has been resisted, but the universe laughs; news of her death makes 'the moon hang still', nothing can be regained, just sigh. She will always be a tantalising thought.


 Comment Written 19-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 19-Jun-2019
    Two decent folk who walked the straight and narrow, but could not help wonder what might have been...I like the swap quatrain more than some repeating forms...thanks for reading and reviewing.

reply by LisaMay on 19-Jun-2019
    Seems like a common story of temptation resisted, although we usually hear of the other result - vows broken.
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Pearl Edwards
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Nicely told tale of love lost in your Swap Quatrain, Red. Your swap lines work well in particular in the last two verses, they tell the crux of the story.
too quick and deep we buried love.
We never broke our vows to God
cheers,
valda


 Comment Written 18-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 19-Jun-2019
    Thanks very much for reading and reviewing my attempt at a swap quatrain. It's not the worst form we have tried for potlatch...
Comment by
Sandra du Plessis
 
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A very well-written swap Quatrain about the very loud party where you hear of the one girl who got away. It is always disappointing when we realize the best one got away.


 Comment Written 16-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
    Thank you very much for reading and reviewing my entry to the potlatch club challenge. I think we all meet that one who could have been The One, but life had other ideas.
Comment by
Maria Millsaps
 
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I like it. It reminds me of forbidden love that is buried because of vows made with someone else. The sad tone in this poem is very powerful causing the reader to reflect on the love never heard and buried.


 Comment Written 15-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
    Thank you very much for reading and reviewing my entry to the potlatch club challenge. I think we all meet that one who could have been The One, but life had other ideas.
Comment by
Jannypan (Jan)
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You did an excellent job with your swap quatrain, Red. Your lines are as they should be in this style. The 'swap' works well in each instance as do the rhymes. You expressed your thoughts/feelings well on the storyline , too. You are right about temptation. It is always there waiting. But it takes a strong disciplined determination and faith to withstand the constant barrage of it. Great job and thanks for sharing. Jan


 Comment Written 15-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
    Thank you very much for reading and reviewing my entry to the potlatch club challenge. I think we all meet that one who could have been The One, but life had other ideas. And bless you for that sixth star!
Comment by
tfawcus
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Poor old bloke. Sounds like enough to drive him to drink.

The swaps come naturally with some slight variations in meaning built in, a little enjambment and minor re-wording to give the necessary element of variety to stop the form from becoming tedious.


 Comment Written 15-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
    I think poems with refrains that are memorable are few and far between. Thank you very much for reading and reviewing my entry to the potlatch club challenge. I think we all meet that one who could have been The One, but life had other ideas.
Comment by
BeasPeas
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An excellent swap quatrain, Red. I think we all have one that "got away" or did we pass that one by deciding the one we chose was the best one in the first place? Well rhymed. This is a theme that most likely anyone can relate to. Great job. Marilyn


 Comment Written 15-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
    No, I was not singing along with Earl Thomas Connelly about "holding her and loving you". Just a thought, "If I had met her first--" thanks for reading and reviewing my swap quatrain.
Comment by
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Dolly'sPoems
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This is such a clever write Red and you never fail to entertain and surprise me! I just loved every rhyming line! I wish I had a six, this deserves one, magical! Love Dolly x


 Comment Written 15-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
    You approval pleases me greatly, stars are secondary. The swap quatrain is not as bad a repeating form as some...thanks for reading.
Comment by
damommy
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A faithful man that took his vows seriously. Even though the attraction was strong, he never broke those vows or caused his true love any pain. I wish you had waited to post this so I'd have a six. This is so beautiful and shows a true side of life.


 Comment Written 15-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 16-Jun-2019
    Don't worry about sixes, just say you liked my effort and I am happy.
    The swap quatrain is not the worst form we have tried, for me. Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Comment by
Y. M. Roger
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Wow -- pain that rings through such a situation is definitely one to bring outside to the moon because you dare not share with another soul at that party! Yes, love does spark once vows have been made and the strong keep those vows but secretly look for those fleeting opportunities to see or to laugh with the other that could never be... the heartbreak that results from the anticipation of that laugh dashed with the news of the laugher's passing would certainly be devastating.. A great write LlJ! Just awesome, sir -- wish I had a six as the emotions you explore here are not those discussed/addressed often enough.. :) ;) Thanx for sharing! :) Yvette


 Comment Written 15-Jun-2019



reply by the author on 15-Jun-2019
    Well, one reader caught my exact meaning. A decent man won't cheat but sometimes it is tempting, I don't care if he is a saint. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.

reply by Y. M. Roger on 15-Jun-2019
    Temptation is real...not just for fairy tales or country songs -- anyone who thinks otherwise, male or female, has never actually known it. Take care, sir! ;)
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