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Reviews from
A stream tumbles down

haiku

16 total reviews

Comment by

Gail Denham

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Does the steam feel pain - I wonder - it often is a big drop. I'd sure not like to barrel over some of those falls on the way to the sea. Yet folks have done it - even on Niagra falls. It's a fascination. good poem

Comment Written 29-Jun-2019

reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019

I am not sure too. Since stones are hard ,pain can be a natural outcome.
falling along stones can not be that enjoyable.thank you very much for this thought provoking review.

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Sylvia Page

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Sanku,
This Haiku is expertly crafted. I like the word choices you use...
A stream tumbles down
the rocks giggling to the sea
smile hiding the pain
Best wishes in the contest
Sylvia

Comment Written 29-Jun-2019

reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019

Thank you very much. for reading and writing this encouraging words.

reply by Sylvia Page on 03-Jul-2019

Smiles

Comment by

estory

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north carolina

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Rank: 65

Excellent

The last line made the poem interesting to me. you had that perfect balance of haiku, the nature image, but what really made the poem stand out was that connection to a human experience that many neglect to put in their haiku. you created that moment of realizing not all smiles, not all beauty, is really beautiful; sometimes it hides great pain. I think my only real criticism is that 'giggling' maybe is a bit too light; maybe you could think of something with a little more shadow in it to set up that last epiphany line. estory

Comment Written 29-Jun-2019

reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019

Thank you very much for this beautiful review and for understanding my take on that scene.many were asking if a stream would feel pain?
Stream id essentially seen as a happy entity.remember Keats poem "sweetest songs are that of saddest thoughts?'

Comment by

Hitcher

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Excellent

Your creative little haiku is a thought provoker and causes one to stop and ponder the possibilities and directions your words offer up... the river is polluted maybe.

Comment Written 29-Jun-2019

reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019

Thank you very much .

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Dolly'sPoems

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There is only one way for water to flow and the downward spiral I expect is the pain you are referring to here, the rocks gurgling too, I expect, much enjoyed, love Dolly x

Comment Written 29-Jun-2019

reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019

Thank you. Stream is usually portrayed as a happy entity ,but stones are hard. So I thought I can create a human interest element here. Thanks for the thoughts.

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patcelaw

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Excellent

This is a very good haiku. I wish you the best in the contest. May you weekend be filled to overflowing with blessings.
Patricia

Comment Written 28-Jun-2019

reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019

Thank you very much.

Comment by

Ogden

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Sanku, I might generously concede a stream "giggling to the sea," but I can't, in good conscience, countenance it's pain hidden by a smile.
(A fiver for intrepidity, anyhow.)

Don

Comment Written 28-Jun-2019

reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019

Thanks. Stream is always seen as a happy entity .But rocks are hard and falling through them cant be easy at least for humans. Tried to personify stream to bring that satori.

reply by Ogden on 03-Jul-2019

Aha! :)
Don

Comment by

Josh Walters

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This could be taken many ways but put me right on the thought of pollution. I highly doubt that was the goal but either way it speaks to the pain our water systems feel from our overpopulation. Good luck in the contest.

Comment Written 28-Jun-2019

reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019

thank you very much for this thought provoking take Rocks are hard ,so I though there could be a not so smooth element here.

Comment by

Sandra du Plessis

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Excellent

A very well-written haiku about water streams tumbling down towards the ocean over rocky riverbeds smiling and in joyful chuckles hiding the pain all the way.

Comment Written 28-Jun-2019

reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019

Thank you very much.

Comment by

misscookie

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Excellent

I like the artwork you choose to go with your poem
Which is a perfect match
You captured my attention from the first line to the last Your message is on point
thank you for sharing
And have a safe , blessed week-end
cookie

Comment Written 28-Jun-2019

reply by the author on 03-Jul-2019

Thank you very much .

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