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5-7-5 Poetry Contest
Deadline: Jun 8th

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Deadline: Jun 14th

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Four Line Poem
Deadline: Jun 20th


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Reviews from
Haiku (a bridal debut)


compliments of the garden

  12 total reviews 
Comment by
A. Willow Bends
Premier Author
Wendy
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  121 (+4)
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  Rank:  109
 
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Well, a haiku! I didn't realize you could say so much in such small parameters. You've gone and done it again. This is beautiful! Of course, green being my favorite color, caught my eye! Your words, however are lovely, to connect the flowers with wedding bells, highly creative. Yes, you've gone and done it again! :) Congrats and Good Luck! (out of sixes or this would have been a definite!)
Wendy


 Comment Written 09-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 09-Jul-2019
    Thanks, Wendy. I did get a lot of help from Ulla. This is WAY different from my original haiku. She gave me an excellent crash course. So I'll share this lovely review to her, as well!. xo
Comment by
Diana L Crawford
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  Rank:  105
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Beautiful image of love in its purest form! Lilies are one of my favorite fragrances - especially lily of the valley! I know its not a traditional lily, but in my book, if it says lily, it's a lily! LoL! This, though, is a perfect choice for a summer wedding bouquet!! :)


 Comment Written 05-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    I love lilies, too, regardless of the variety. My tiger lilies are now in their full blossoming glory in the gardens, and the red day lilies just dropped their blooms. Such enjoyable flowers!

    Thank you for this delightful review. xo

reply by Diana L Crawford on 05-Jul-2019
    I bet they are stunning! God?s handiwork leaves me breathless and in awe! And welcome of course :) xo
Comment by
Colin Lowley
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Hi Rachelle , if you are proposing you have to put some big fat dollers in there to take another mans wife lol . Slightly not cosier but you at least know my sense of humor ballon men and all , hope this does well for you . Kind regards Colin Xx


 Comment Written 05-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    You have quite the romantic side to you there, Colin! I, for one, find it irresistible. xo

reply by Colin Lowley on 05-Jul-2019
    Ha ha just as well your a million miles away then lol .last time I looked you were sky high good luck with that
    Xxx that's James Bond talk xx

reply by Colin Lowley on 05-Jul-2019
    Cosher I meant lol

reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    Must be those 5" stilettos I like to wear!!

reply by Colin Lowley on 05-Jul-2019
    miss Moneypenny , I don't get that but your very punctual with your words lol
    I think der . Anyway if you were on this course I could have heard your voice , Melissa tonight with the tutor
    She got cut off the other night but she sounded great with her accent , I don't think we would understand each other bronk verses cockney lol
    , don't know how to spell Bronx phew that it . Xx

reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    I'm not in the Bronx, though, my British Buddy; I'm in UPSTATE New York. Rochester (well, East Rochester, which is its own teeny suburb) And I'm a musician, so I have an ear that can understand anything it hears! Cockney doesn't deter me one bit!

reply by Colin Lowley on 05-Jul-2019
    A posh New Yorker then , check out Rochester castle if you get a chance , you will love it and I love it . Half hour drive for me xx

reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    Wow!! I just checked it out! That's quite the place. (And I liked the part how using the fat of forty pigs disabled the front part of the structure!) Your Rochester is way more interesting than mine!!

reply by Colin Lowley on 05-Jul-2019
    arhhh, and there is a russian submarine in the lake/river nearby which they made the submarine film [not a Bond film]a few years ago in with Daniel Craig, none other than James Bond lol XX

reply by Colin Lowley on 05-Jul-2019
    Yes and that is a true story about the pigs.Horrid to watch as their is a film about that siege.
Comment by
Y. M. Roger
FantasyGirl
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  3
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  5
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  19
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  Rank:  3
 

#5 Ranked Author

#3 Ranked Poet

#3 Ranked Reviewer
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What an awesomely COOL thought: wedding bells!! :) Oh, I shall never see them the same again in any garden or setting... and thank you for that, Lady Rachelle!! ;) ;) This is a top one, if you ask me.... should probably look to see it on the marquis, my friend!! ;) :) Thank you for sharing -- I'm still smiling! ;) ;) Yvette


 Comment Written 05-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    Well, I have Ulla to thank for this because my original offering, she explained, wasn't a haiku at all. It contained punctuation and caps, the first two lines were not grammatically linked, and it had nothing to do with nature. [other than that, though, it was a masterpiece...] So she gave me a crash course, and this is my new-and-improved version!

    Thank you for the vote of confidence. xo

reply by Y. M. Roger on 05-Jul-2019
    Yeah, mine's not a real 'haiku' .... c'est la vie, I suppose. :) ;) Take care! ;) ;) Yvette

reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    Well, you're the reason I even tried this to begin with, you know!! I love your idea of "practicing" new poetry forms for free, so I followed your lead. (Imitation being the highest form of flattery and all...) xo
Comment by
Robert Zimmerman
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  Rank:  36
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Hi Rachelle. Your poem resonated with me because I never thought about the flowers as wedding bells. That's cool. I gave my wife a dozen white roses for our 47th anniversary. (I'm just braqgin' now) Ha!


 Comment Written 05-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    Hahahaha. It's a DUAL brag: 1) The longevity of your marriage and 2) the fact that you're a thoughtful, romantic husband. Congratulations on BOTH counts! xo

reply by Robert Zimmerman on 05-Jul-2019
    Thanks. Wait til I tell my wife what a great catch I am. She'll be surprised when I spring that one on her.

reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    Hahahahaha. I guarantee you, she will NOT! Any man with your sense of humor is a BIG-TIME catch, and she is fully aware of it! xo

reply by Robert Zimmerman on 05-Jul-2019
    Yeah... She does say I'm funny a lot. Every time I make a suggestion about how or what, she says, "You're funny." Now I know why.

reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    Oh dear gawd. HAHAHAHAHA.

reply by Robert Zimmerman on 05-Jul-2019
    OK....I'll stop.

reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    See? Funny AND smart! What a combo! : )

reply by Robert Zimmerman on 05-Jul-2019
    You didn't tell me I was smart until I quit.....Hmmmmm.

reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    Exactly!!! I'm telling you, you're a natural at this!! It explains how you've stayed married forty-seven years!! (I'm going to send my husband over for lessons. Is that okay?...)

reply by Robert Zimmerman on 05-Jul-2019
    I know people that have spent their lives trying not to learn anything from me.
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
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  Rank:  70 (+1)
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  Rank:  85
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  Rank:  45
 

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Hi Rachelle. I liked your poem, but I'm afraid that a haiku it is not. A haiku is always written in lover case with no punctuation. Two lines have to be grammatically connected and the third line, the satori, is the aha moment. 'Oh, so this is what it is about'. Finally, but rather important. A haiku is always an observation of nature. Haiku is a form that interest me a lot and I've learned a lot from haiku writers. I've even had a few published in a multiple authors' book. All best. Ulla:)))


 Comment Written 05-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    Oh wow. This is EXTREMELY helpful, Ulla!! Thank you! I'll see what I can do about editing. I am so thankful for this review. xo

reply by Ulla on 05-Jul-2019
    I'm glad I could be of help. I very rarely can in poetry. One other thing. The title would be written: haiku(bridal debut). Just an excample. In brackets is your first line of the haiku..

reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    I see. Thank you for that, as well! xo

reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    Ulla, do I also do the title in lower case?

reply by Ulla on 05-Jul-2019
    Yes. you write it: haiku(the first line)
    All in lower case.

reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    Would you mind checking out the new-and-improved version? Is this now in compliance?

reply by Ulla on 05-Jul-2019
    I'll have a look at it.

reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    I appreciate that very much. Thank you.

reply by Ulla on 05-Jul-2019
    Perfect!!! It's actually beautiful. I like it.
    Just one last thing for info only. A haiku is always 17 syllables or less. It doesn't need to be a 5-7-5 format. It can be a 3-6- 2 and so forth. This is info only. Good luck in the contest:)))

reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    You have been such a wealth of knowledge for me today. Thank you VERY much, Ulla!! Without you, I would have been disqualified. xo
Comment by
Carla Trinklein
 
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  Rank:  698
 
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My husband and I just celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary. I've been looking back at old wedding pictures and trying to remember what that day was like. Thanks for helping me remember! A lovely poem.


 Comment Written 05-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    Wow, fifteen years! Congratulations to you, Carla. Isn't that such a fun time, going through the wedding album? I love doing that.

    Thanks for this lovely review. xo
Comment by
2016 and 2018 Script Write Of The Year
judiverse
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  Rank:  32 (+1)
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  Rank:  7
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  Rank:  41
 

#7 Ranked Author

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You're really into a variety of poetry forms now. Good for you! This Haiku is very meaningful, as you include all the elements of the bells ringing and the organ playing and the touch of lace and flowers. Making "A hush" a separate sentence is effective. That suggests the pause as all eyes turn to look at the bride. Beautifully created. judi


 Comment Written 05-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    Yvette and I were just talking the other day about the Haiku; that's why I thought I 'd give it a whirl. I re-read the guidelines and realized for the first time that it's not about the syllables; it's about "painting a picture."

    Thanks for validating my attempt here; I do appreciate your words very much, Judi. xo

reply by judiverse on 05-Jul-2019
    You're welcome. You certainly gave a picture of the wedding. I haven't tried Haiku, and don't see one in my future. judi
Comment by
24chas
 
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What an accomplishment. You captured that special day in a haiku and didn't miss a thing. Loved the way it ended. A perfect way to end it. Well done!


 Comment Written 05-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    Thanks, 24chas. Yvette told me the other day that other members and the committee have told her that she has never done a haiku to the standards of the form. That flabbergasted me. Yvette? Ms Poem Writer extraordinaire? So then I CAREFULLY read the format guidelines and it felt like a light went on in my head. "Painting a picture," it read. So your review really means the world to me. I feel as if I may have actually complied with what they've called for. Thank you! xo
Comment by
Jerome Goldberg
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  Rank:  116
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I find some of these contest rules very confining; but, you sail through with grace and skill. Good luck in the contest and hope you had a good Independence Day.


 Comment Written 04-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 05-Jul-2019
    It's so funny you write this, Jerome, because I was just telling my friend 24chas how I had never really 'understood' what haikus were all about until I read the guidelines yesterday. I just always thought it was about the syllable count. But it's actually about "painting a picture" --their words-- in a reader's mind. So that made this a WHOLE lot easier. That's why I especially appreciate your review. Thank you.

    And, yes, I had a perfect Independence Day. I hope you did, as well. xo
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