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Reviews from
Preserving Connections


One man's gift for memories

  47 total reviews 
Comment by
Liz O'Neill
Premier Author
 
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  Rank:  41
Review Stars
  Rank:  174
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is a poignant account of the class reunion. One might chant, "O happy fault" If the " Mr. Pizzazz and Charisma class clown guy" hadn't messed up, the tone of this event would, I suspect, would be much more mundane. This is a strong tribute to all teachers. As I look at some of my students I've reconnected with on fb from the 70's I picture their young faces and remember many delightful and sometimes trying times with them. Thank you.


 Comment Written 24-Sep-2019


Comment by
Michele Harber
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  78 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  71 (+1)
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  Rank:  123
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I want to know why it is that, living in a mile square town, you have so many more interesting stories to tell than I do living in a borough of New York City. This is a delightful story with charming and fun characters, from the would-be Master of Ceremonies with the wrong date in his calendar, to the teacher with the incredible memory for local history, to the local residents who were too kind to disturb the former in "his family's perceived grief."

You've created a true Norman Rockwell portrayal of this town that, if you'd mentioned lights in the windows, could also easily be a Thomas Kinkade painting. You gave just the right amount of background information, which segued well into the actual story of the reunion. Tying the last paragraph back to the background information by saying "like the railroad that formed this town's foundation" really gives your story closure.

Overall, it was a charming and very pleasing story to read, but I wouldn't be your FSBFF if I didn't point out a few proofing points to make the story that much better:
- In the paragraph starting, "As you can imagine with a place so compact," you reference twice many of the townspeople being related to one another.
- In the same paragraph, you need a comma between "is that" and "to this day," making "to this day, over a century later," a parenthetical phrase that you can lift out and still leave a full, correct sentence. (See, I didn't put myself out of business - yet - with those comments I gave you last time.)
- In the paragraph starting, "And this brings us back," you refer to "the catalyst for one of the best perfect moments of my life." I assume you mean either "best moments" or "most perfect moments," not an amalgam of the two.
- In the paragraph starting, "The get-together was held," you don't need to capitalize "Reunion," as you appear to be using it as a noun to say what the event was, and not as part of the title of the event.
- In the next paragraph, you need commas before and after "in such a close-knit community," as that's another parenthetical phrase.
- In the following paragraph, you don't need to capitalize "reunion" for the reason previously stated.
- Two paragraphs later, "History" doesn't need to be capitalized, as you're using it as the subject of the class, not it's title. You'll notice I didn't correct "Town Historian," as you do appear to be using that as a title.
- In the last line of that paragraph, you need to take the question mark out of the parentheses and put it between the closing parenthesis and the final quotation mark.
- In the paragraph that starts, "I was so glad," you need a comma after "because" so that, with the closing comma you've already given it, "before our Merlin of Memories completed his spell on the last alumnus in the room" becomes another parenthetical phrase.
- In the last paragraph, you again don't need to capitalize "Reunion" for the same reason I've previously given.

Good luck in the contest. I'd be very surprised if you didn't take one of the winning spots, and it wouldn't surprise me at all to see you take first place.


 Comment Written 22-Jul-2019


Comment by
Carla Trinklein
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I wish I had this teacher's gift. I have taught kindergarten for many years and I'm terrible about being able to remember names and details. It doesn't help that my students change in appearance so much within a few years of leaving my classroom. Last year I was contacted by a former student to attend her graduation. She left a phone message with her name by way of inviting me, and I had no idea who it was until I checked old class pictures. I went to her graduation and had a lovely time catching up with her, but I felt terrible that I forgot so much about this lovely person who seemed to remember me so well.


 Comment Written 21-Jul-2019


Comment by
juliaSjames
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  Rank:  120
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Review Stars
  Rank:  219
 
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Such a touching story. Vividly written and eloquently expressed. I enjoyed the skilful interweaving of the vignette of the eccentric entertainer who never showed with the story of a true educator.

Best wishes for the contest.

Blessings Julia


 Comment Written 20-Jul-2019


Comment by
shaffer40
 
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I was unable to give this tremendous essay six stars, so I'm doing the next best thing. Perfectly written and endearingly entertaining. I know you'll do well in the contest.


 Comment Written 20-Jul-2019


Comment by
Sylvia Page
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  Rank:  453
 
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Hello Rachel
I enjoyed reading this poignant reminiscing of days gone by. This teacher did keep up to date and was able to make you all relive the past.
Well written and best wishes in the contest.


Many of the residents, in fact, were related to each other. And what charms and fascinates me the most about this town where I've now taken up residence myself is that to this day, over a century later, it's still quite a tightly woven community. Many of the residents are related to each other, and a good percentage are even descendants of the town's founders.
---There is repetition in this para. Also, it would do better if you can rephrase.
Sylvia


 Comment Written 20-Jul-2019


Comment by
Darlene Franklin
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  56
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  48
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  39
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  148
 
Excellent
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What a beautiful, poignant tale, a town full of George Baileys remembered and recognized by an extraordinary teacher, a community that appreciates what they have. Have you had a sudden influx of new residents since writing this brilliant piece?


 Comment Written 20-Jul-2019


Comment by
WryWriter
 
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Excellent
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What a delightful story! Not many small towns anymore. A simpler time when neighbors were really neighbors and everyone seemed like family. Very well-done tale. Good luck in the contest!


 Comment Written 19-Jul-2019


Comment by
brenda faye curtis
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is a beautiful story, Rachelle. So many times in life I was in a situation where I felt like I didn't matter to anyone, and needed such a gift as the one this teacher bestowed on all his former students. Such kindness is all too rare, I think.


 Comment Written 19-Jul-2019


Comment by
rockmann
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  Rank:  170
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Super story. I thoroughly enjoyed it and wish I'd gone to a small school like that. My school had a graduating class of more than 300, and if we had someone saying something about every single one of us, it would have taken it to the 36th reunion!


 Comment Written 19-Jul-2019


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