Cheney the Lyre Bird
An Awdl Sonnet
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Reviews from
Assassin Nation


Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Clean Up"

A sequel to the novel Baker's Dozen

  10 total reviews 
Comment by
dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Keep right on
writing on
 
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  Rank:  83
 
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This is a well written chapter, but does have me lost as to what is going on as I haven't read what came before. Best wishes with your story, my friend~Debbie


 Comment Written 27-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019
    Thanks, Debbie. If you go back two chapters to BEFORE THE NEXT CHAPTER, I summarize the first story and the first five chapters of this one.
    Happy day.
Comment by
nomi338
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My respect for your ability to keep it all together is growing by leaps and bounds. The crosses, double, triple and quadruple going on in this story has my head literally swimming. I no longer who to become attached to. Good work.


 Comment Written 27-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019
    Thank you, nomi. I?m going into flashback mode to open a few windows.
Comment by
brenda faye curtis
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I am so happy to see Baker finally reappear! And I knew Connor had to be alive. This is starting to feel like the first novel, and I welcome that. I'm still rooting for Baker! :)


 Comment Written 27-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 27-Jul-2019
    Thank you, Brenda.

reply by brenda faye curtis on 29-Jul-2019
    You're welcome, Bill.
Comment by
2018 Poet of the Year
Gloria ....
2014 - #365 Poet of the Year
2014 - #56 Author of the Year
 
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  Rank:  26
 
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I really enjoy your face-paced writing. Not a word slips in as the action moves from scene to gory scene with great precision and an understated wit.

I guess the next chapter will explain it all.

Excellent.

Gloria


 Comment Written 26-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
    Thanks, Gloria
Comment by
lyenochka
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  Rank:  6
 

#7 Ranked Author

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Yay! Baker is back on the scene! It's dangerous to be on either side of whoever is on the White House, especially Anthax Sam. Looking forward to see if Baker can get rid of Caca Connor.

"A pop, as a gourd erupting" (I had trouble imagining a gourd erupting, or even popping. )


 Comment Written 26-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
    I changed the sound. Thanks for reviewing and the nickname for sweet Samantha.

reply by lyenochka on 26-Jul-2019
    A "mushy thud" is something I can imagine.
Comment by
Earl Corp
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Glad to see you're back to writing chapters for Assassin Nation. I'm just as surprised that Connor is alive as yout characters are. I thought GI Joe took care of him in Baker's Dozen. Looking forward to the next installment.


 Comment Written 26-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
    Thanks, Earl
Comment by
CrystieCookie999
 
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#1 Ranked Script Writer!
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This feels like an able combination of action and dialogue, where you are never sure what will happen next. It feels like Baker is a sniper-style assassin on a good day. Wondering if you are a Mission Impossible fan. I think this is a personal preference, because I like personalized action, but with the sentence "The remaining body dropped straight to the ground." I think I would say, "Deere's body dropped straight to the ground." Otherwise it sounds like more of the head was lost than just a quarter, which is bloody enough.


 Comment Written 26-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
    Thanks, CC, for the help.
Comment by
Mystic Angel 7777
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This is truly action passed with not a form of suspense being left out. it's well written and easy to follow since it progresses in a clear and logical manner. Nicely done and thank you very much for sharing it.


 Comment Written 26-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
    Thanks, MA
Comment by
JLR
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Great graphic that explains the immediate scene. Strong character development and I must say for the first time I type selection and font size were the best of class reading on my iPad. Good success with your work.


 Comment Written 26-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
    Thanks, JLR
Comment by
robyn corum
Word Twister
Story Catcher
 
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#5 Ranked Author
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Bill,

Sounds like a political piece with intrigue and too much machinery - blah, blah. As you can tell, I don't follow these kinds of tales - so you may not see too much of me in the future. I do know that there's lots of folks who love these sorts of stories though.

It seemed to be well done. I only noticed a couple of things - though they were rather big - hahaha! (#2, specifically)

Notes:
1.) He held both nine millimeters in front of him, one precariously in a swollen and aching grasp, prepared to kill whatever moved.
--> come on, Bill, you said his wrist was SNAPPED.

2.) "Do you recognize this fellow, Ryan?"
--> he's talking to RYAN? The one who's head parts just went flying? (Same question for the opening of the next paragraph...)

Thanks - enjoyed!






 Comment Written 26-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 26-Jul-2019
    You can actually hold things in your hand with a snapped wrist, but there wouldn?t be any trigger pulling for sure. I give Johnson high marks for endurance.

    Wow! Yes, indeed. Deere would not be at all interested in Connor?s query as he was totally deceased. I was tempted to have Johnson correct him and tell him he wasn?t Deere, but, since he was dying at the end of the chapter, I just named him correctly. Thanks for showing me that huge error.

reply by robyn corum on 26-Jul-2019
    Yup. So glad to help!
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