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Reviews from
Heaven and Earth


15 syllable poem

  14 total reviews 
Comment by
strandregs
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Hi Steve
Is this a dizzy statement on Geo Engineering?
Cloud seeding paper on vapour?
Silver Iodide separating what you know from the painful reality?
A chemtrail to infinity and beyond?
I think that'l do. :-))Z.


 Comment Written 30-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 30-Jul-2019
    Thank you!

    Whatever sets your mind buzzing!

    Steve
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w.j.debi
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A line across the sky--is it as tenuous as a line in the sand just waiting for a wave to erase it with a single wave? You give the reader a bit to think about.
Excellent alliteration with the "s" sound.
Best of luck in the contest.


 Comment Written 29-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 29-Jul-2019
    Thanks for the kind words!

    Steve
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Ideasaregems-Dawn
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I am hard-pressed to think of anything in fifteen syllables that could be more poetic than your lovely poem, Steve. It positively sings, IMHO. Best of luck with the judges.


 Comment Written 28-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 28-Jul-2019
    Dawn, many thanks for the lovely review and the six shiny stars.

    Steve

reply by Ideasaregems-Dawn on 28-Jul-2019
    It is very much my pleasure.
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barbara.wilkey
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barbara.wilkey Recommends:
St. Louis Chapter 27 part 3
McKenzie is kidnapped.
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LOL Your contest entry caused me to smile. You have presented us with a different way to look at the sky's brilliance. Thank you for that. Good luck with the contest and thank you for sharing.


 Comment Written 28-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 28-Jul-2019
    Thanks, Barbara!

    There is always a new way to look at the infinity of the sky.

    Steve
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dragonpoet
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There is always a time when you can not separate yourself from the awesomeness of nature that brings you to sigh. Hope it never makes you swoon for its power of destruction
Good luck and keep writing
Joan


 Comment Written 28-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 28-Jul-2019
    Thanks, Joan.

    I love all of the different aspects of the sky - it is forever changing.

    Steve

reply by dragonpoet on 28-Jul-2019
    My pleasure, Steve. I do too.
    Joan
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humpwhistle
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Well, Steve, thanks for knocking me off the podium.

There's a lot to like here. I'm curious about the 'I'. On one hand it suggests a deity. On the other, I sense an arbitrary, human distinction . . . the separation of swoon and sigh as a personal demarcation--one that may be as fleeting as a contrail.

Terrific meter, rhyme, and alliteration.

Best of luck.

Peace, Lee


 Comment Written 28-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 28-Jul-2019
    Thanks, Lee.

    Better not to think too deeply. The first line just popped into my head as I was watching a trail of jet vapour, except it was originally 'I drew' which changed to 'I sketched' which made better alliteration but didn't feel right for the meaning, so 'stretched' came from 'sketched'.

    Different people have taken this different ways, which is good. Perhaps closest to my own thought is a meditation on someone who has passed above the line.

    Steve

reply by humpwhistle on 28-Jul-2019
    By 'passed above the line' you mean died?


reply by the author on 28-Jul-2019
    Yes.
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juliaSjames
 
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Excellent
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Creative use of the contrails we see so often they disappear into the background of our minds.

I like the ambiguity of the write. Whether viewed from the POV of the Divine or from our own human perspective, there is a difference between the "sacred and the profane".

I'm not entirely sold on the "swoon" and "sigh" contrast. Alliteration and rhyme seducing from substance? Or maybe it's my inside the box thinking that swoon is feminine and God is masculine. Oh dear, am I a closet conservative? :-))

Ignore my carping. It's a great, imaginative write! Good luck.

Blessings Julia


 Comment Written 28-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 28-Jul-2019
    Julia, thanks for the great review. You always show that you are thinking about the poem and often that leads to me thinking more clearly about it too.

    'swoon' and 'sigh' just popped into my head and no doubt the alliteration helped them become set as an integral part of the ending. the thought that sticks with me is that 'swoon' represents love/happiness and 'sigh' stands for sadness/loss

    Steve

reply by juliaSjames on 28-Jul-2019
    Gotcha!
Comment by
Ben Colder
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It is amazing how these jet streams stay intact for a period of time when the maker is 1000 miles away. I see nothing wrong with this poem. It meets the requirements


 Comment Written 28-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 28-Jul-2019
    Thanks, Be. All depends on atmospheric conditions, I guess.

    Steve
Comment by
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Dolly'sPoems
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A melancholy and poignant write as we look to the heavens and feel grateful for heaven and earth, I wish you luck with the contest, had a great day, love Dolly x


 Comment Written 28-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 28-Jul-2019
    Dolly, thanks so much for the warm words and the six stars!

    Steve
Comment by
Spangle
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Did you take this picture yourself? I can see why it prompted your poetic response. You have successfully expressed your feelings in just a dozen words containing the needed fifteen syllables. Best wishes in the contest!


 Comment Written 27-Jul-2019



reply by the author on 28-Jul-2019
    Thank you!
    No, I'm not much of a photographer, I'm afraid, although the idea of the line across the sky did come from my own observations.

    Steve
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