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Reviews from
The Last Visit


A dying old cowboy story.

  33 total reviews 
Comment by
Cindy Warren
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  117
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  22
Review Stars
  Rank:  19
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
It sounds to me like he had exactly the life he wanted for many years. Maybe I'm a bit of a romantic when it comes to cowboys, but I like to think he did. In your second last stanza, Docs doesn't need the apostrophe. Doc's means belonging to Doc.


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
    OOps, you caught my mistake. I know better, My college major was
    English literature. Thanks for the review and stars.
Comment by
john mallahan
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  576
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  284
Script Rating
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This reminds me way to much of "Brokeback Mountain" Seems as if ya always could be under the impression ya'll are gonna live forever. Then it happens. The occasion we shoulda been ready for all along, yet weren't. The part that gets me is, why weren't we?


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
    Thanks for the review and stars. I believe it is because we don't want
    to think about death, especially our own.
Comment by
Brooklyn J. Frances
Freelance Writer
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  402
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  78 (+1)
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I LOVE this poem. There is something so warm and comfortable about the way a cowboy speaks, and you captured it not only in your creative spellings ("ferget" was my favorite) but in unique words such as "ornery" and phrases such as "my song's 'bout sung." You told a touching story and built a loveable character in just a few lines. Thank you for sharing it!


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
    Thanks, Brooklyn for your nice comments and beautiful six stars.
Comment by
Y. M. Roger
FantasyGirl
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  6
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  8
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  12
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  2
 

#8 Ranked Author

#6 Ranked Poet

#2 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A wonderful offering, Willie -- just perfect for story in a poem. Love your intertwining of the present and the 'unsure' and the vernacular vs. narration! ;) ;) Thanx for sharing and best of luck in the contest! ;) Yvette


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 18-Aug-2019
    Thanks, Yvette, for your review and stars.
Comment by
Roxanna Andrews
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  101
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  89
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  19
Review Stars
  Rank:  75
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is really well done. I'm out of 6's or I'd give it one. A great story of an old cowboy who lived an interesting life, but seems to be dying alone. I'm glad someone was with him when he died. I saw no errors and felt it very well written. Rox


 Comment Written 12-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
    Thank you much for this wonderful review and the virtual six.
Comment by
JanPerry
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  319 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  196
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  88 (+1)
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  183
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Superb! A wonderful slang language we associate with cowboys. I love the hats on the pegs, it really feels like a ranch or corall. Sorry can't spell carall. I love the interactions between the cowboy and the old man. This is a masterpiece and you should show it to everyone, especially those in the corall.


 Comment Written 12-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
    Thank you, Jan, for your very uplifting comments and beautiful six stars. All are much appreciated. It is spelled corral. Thanks again.

reply by JanPerry on 15-Aug-2019
    Ok. I haven't used that word ever, thanks.

reply by JanPerry on 15-Aug-2019
    Ok. I haven't used that word ever, thanks.

reply by JanPerry on 15-Aug-2019
Comment by
Loredana
Premier Author
Loredana
 
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  187
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This has all the features of a ballad and it would be great to hear it sung. Beautiful story. I like the way you made the reader hear the accent. I would have used it in more places. Stanza 6, line 2 it seems too short to continue with the same rhythm as the stanzas above. Also, line 4 of the same stanza. It feels as if it's missing one or two words. It's just my feeling, though.


 Comment Written 12-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
    Thanks, for your review and kind comments. Thanks also for the six stars.
Comment by
Susan Larson
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  161
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  39
Review Stars
  Rank:  21
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This poem seems to capture the essence of what a real cowboy would think and say even though my only impression of real cowboys is what I have seen in movies. Nice read.


 Comment Written 12-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 15-Aug-2019
    Susan, thank you for your review and five stars.
Comment by
Sally Law
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  32
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  6
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  9
Review Stars
  Rank:  15
 

#6 Ranked Author

#9 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Love this, Mr. Smith. Your cowboy's life story is a bittersweet one but rich and real. I thought it very authentic and I think my favorite line was, "I was married once and once was plenty." I got a bang out of this one. Thank you, and my best for the contest.
Sally :+)


 Comment Written 12-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
    Thank you, Sally, for your review and comments. And of course the five stars.

reply by Sally Law on 13-Aug-2019
    You are most welcome.
Comment by
jenintorre
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  77
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  88
Review Stars
  Rank:  92
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I love this poem. It is so clever and sensitively written. Your character really comes alive on the page (before he dies) This will surely win the competition. I hope so. Good luck. Jen.


 Comment Written 11-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
    Thank you, for the great review and shiny six stats.
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