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Reviews from
I Can Survive


Rondeau Redouble for 'I Can' Contest

  24 total reviews 
Comment by
Sandra du Plessis
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  7
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  64 (+1)
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Review Stars
  
 Rank:  5
 

#7 Ranked Poet

#5 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A very well-written Rondeau redouble aboUT coping with losses in our lives. There may never be another but the love we shared with a special partner will always be part of us.


 Comment Written 03-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 03-Aug-2019
    Sandra, thanks for the thoughtful comments.

    Steve
Comment by
strandregs
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  Rank:  261
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi Steve
Wizard (my daughter is watching D&D in full volume, )
Difficult to concentrate.
I finished reading with the impression
I really enjoyed the ride.
I'm imagining Crusoe and kipling fighting over Josephine
throwing coconuts at each other and hitting her.
I liked your play with the cliche' :-))Z.


 Comment Written 02-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 02-Aug-2019
    Ha! Squeezed a sixth star out of you. Many thanks?

    I thought throwing Crusoe, Kipling, and Josephine and Bonaparte was a little risky. Surprisingly it seems to be what most people liked the best. Should I confess I was running out of -art rhymes and so I had to get Bonaparte in there somehow. I did discover that Josephine's two children (from her first marriage) propagated half the royal families of Europe. Also that Napoleon ordered his navy to search any ships that they captured for plants, because Josephine was a keen gardener and rose-maniac.

    Dungeons and Dragons? really?

    Steve
Comment by
Pearl Edwards
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  Rank:  70
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  Rank:  78
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Lovely Rondeau Redouble Steve as he tries to get through his days though his heart is broken. Plenty of emotion to tug at the heart in these verses and a great final verse.
cheers,
valda


 Comment Written 02-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 02-Aug-2019
    Thanks, Valda.

    Yes, this turned out to be an emotional write.

    Steve
Comment by
rama devi
May All Beings Be Happy
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  73
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  150
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Eloquent, touching and well penned. Almost a six, so I give it one anyway. That closing nudges up a notch. Bravo.


POTENT REPEATING LINE:
tomorrow shrouds the hurt I feel today.


Bit cliche (brand new start):

And so I strive to make a brand new start,

Maybe try to replace BRAND NEW with something synonymous to give fresh life to the old cliche?


Favorite lines are the closing with all the literary references so deftly woven in:

As lonely as a Crusoe, cast away,
or Josephine without her Bonaparte;
forlorn as Kipling missing Mandalay,
a navigator sunk without his chart,
I will survive...

The closing is powerful. The whole poem flows fluidly, with fine rhymes and phonics in phrasing.

Well done.

Warmly, rd


 Comment Written 01-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 02-Aug-2019
    Thanks, Rama, especially for the bonus Sixer! I thought that final verse may be stretching things a little, but many reviewers voted for it as their favourite...

    Yes, i did pause on 'brand new', but couldn't come up with anything better before deadline. I'll go back and think about it some more.

    Steve

reply by rama devi on 02-Aug-2019
    :-)))
Comment by
ExperiencingLiphe
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  Rank:  86
 
Excellent
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It's hard when you lose a loved one to divorce or death. The love is still there, even through a divorce to some extent, the hurt lives on. We were at a retirement party and I listened to the guys talk about how they encouraged the one guy to move on after he broke up with his girlfriend. Lets just say men are so much different than women in that department. I loved this because of how raw and real it is. There are so many emotions and it's just laid out there. Many will be able to relate.


 Comment Written 01-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 02-Aug-2019
    EL, thanks so much for the thoughtful review. Yes, grief after a break-up or a death can be incredibly difficult to deal with.

    Steve
Comment by
Janice Canerdy
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  Rank:  20 (+1)
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  Rank:  14
 
Excellent
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This is a very skillfully-written, moving poem. You have made excellent
use of specific details to convey a powerful theme. People tell us what they think we need to hear at the time. Sometimes we know it's not really true.


 Comment Written 01-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 02-Aug-2019
    Janice, many thanks for the thoughtful review.

    Steve
Comment by
2019 Poet of the Year
Dolly'sPoems
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  Rank:  2
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 Rank:  1
 

#2 Ranked Poet

#1 Ranked Reviewer!
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I so enjoyed this poem Steve, cleverly and skilfully written and a joy to read, I wish I had a six for you, it deserves one. Such deep meaningful words and I hung on all of them, love Dolly x


 Comment Written 01-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 02-Aug-2019
    Dolly, thanks for the lovely review.

    Steve
Comment by
w.j.debi
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  Rank:  93
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  Rank:  12
Review Stars
  Rank:  49
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
You adeptly tell the tragedy of the broken heart. Others may say that time will heal the wound and love will come again, but in the midst of the pain it is hard to see. Some love tales are forever, and you give us examples.

Your Rondeau Redouble is expertly constructed as you weave the repeating lines smoothly and flawlessly into the context of the verse.



 Comment Written 01-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 02-Aug-2019
    Thank you! I have written a few of these now - they are never easy, but the results are always worthwhile.

    Steve
Comment by
nancy_e_davis
Level 1 Pro
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  Rank:  85
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  Rank:  80
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Very nice, Steve. Your Rondeau Redouble is indeed a work of art. It tells the story of a broken hearts. Many times in the poetic world poets write a ode to their broken heart.
I love this verse...
In truth, I'm lost without my counterpart,
the lover and the friend who could not stay;
and since that moment we were torn apart,
tomorrow shrouds the hurt I feel today.
In truth that is how it feels. Well done. Nancy:)


 Comment Written 01-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 02-Aug-2019
    Thanks, Nancy!
    Such intense grief is almost impossible to bear and being on the outside and trying to console the grief-stricken one is immensely difficult as well.

    Steve
Comment by
RodG
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  55 (+2)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  106 (+2)
Review Stars
  Rank:  51
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Sadness is so prevalent in this poem as the Speaker tells us he will survive despite the loss of his lover for whom he grieves. Will he love again? Perhaps, but "in truth he's lost without [his] counterpart." Melancholy verse, but marvelously done as a Rondeau Redouble. Rod


 Comment Written 01-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 02-Aug-2019
    Thanks, Rod. I think melancholy comes more easily to me than joyful!

    Steve
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