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Reviews from
Assassin Nation


Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Flashback Annie Connor"

A sequel to the novel Baker's Dozen

  16 total reviews 
Comment by
brenda faye curtis
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This is definitely an unexpected twist in the story. I like it that C.C. Connor is going to make a comeback, but not sure about the genetic engineering angle. Is it necessary for his character?


 Comment Written 06-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 06-Aug-2019
    Connor referenced this in the final chapter as he brought his and GI Joe?s youth and stamina at their advanced ages of seventy. He also noted they heal quickly, as one man survived a parachute mishap and lived through to the end of the ordeal.

reply by brenda faye curtis on 09-Aug-2019
    Ok. I'm sure I'll understand more as the story continues.
Comment by
BeasPeas
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This is excellent, Bill. We are well on our way to gene manipulation in this age of technology. It had to start somewhere. Not all of (or any) of it good. Marilyn


 Comment Written 05-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
    Thanks, Marilyn
Comment by
lyenochka
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So Connor is a genetic experiment? This is a very interesting backstory and I like your reference to the history of genetic experimentation. I hope we get to meet his twin sister Millie.


 Comment Written 05-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
    We'll be hopping along through his backstory.
Comment by
kahpot
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I love where the names came from, though crude where the babies came from, but China, is China, and the trials for this procedure had to start some where, and 416 missing and or butchered bodies, this story is picking up wonderfully, another great read****kahpot


 Comment Written 05-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 05-Aug-2019
    Thanks, kahpot.
Comment by
Sallyo
Level 3 Pro
I am Australian.
Therefore, I write like an Australian.
 
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Good. Grief. That was unexpected! Poor Annie and poor babies. The only correction I'd suggest is to fix "lie" to "lay" in this bit.
As she lie in recovery
The stuff from her POV is ungrammatical, but that bit is narrative.


 Comment Written 03-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 03-Aug-2019
    Lay it is.
Comment by
Earl Corp
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This read almost like a Twilight Zone Episode. This flashback took a weird turn, but it kind of explains why some of the things that occurred in earlier chapters the way they did. Glad to see you back at it,


 Comment Written 03-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 03-Aug-2019
    Thanks, Earl
Comment by
shaffer40
 
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Spooky, well-written chapter, could be a flash fiction all by itself. (I love the "rescue granddog" in your profile.
*****************************************
I noticed some things that might need changes:

Delivery had always been planned to happen here, but the situation after
the birth had never been shared with her.
I wonder if this should be active voice: They had always planned for the
delivery to happen here, but no one had ever shared the situation
after the birth with her.

As she lie in recovery,
As she lay in recovery,

fifteen square foot
fifteen-square-foot

"Them babies alright?"
"Them babies all right?"

"It is a procedure
Suggest contraction: "It's a procedure





 Comment Written 03-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 03-Aug-2019
    Thanks for the help.

reply by shaffer40 on 03-Aug-2019
    You are totally welcome.
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
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Woah, Bill this is a hard concept to come to terms with. Not that there's any chance I will come to terms with it. It's such a frightening prospect that it defies belief. All the best. Ulla:))


 Comment Written 02-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 02-Aug-2019
    Suspension of disbelief will be necessary from here on out, I?m afraid, Ulla.

reply by Ulla on 02-Aug-2019
    Okay, I can go with that. :))
Comment by
Teri7
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I haven't been following this, butI read this chapter. This is very interesting and I probably would have been really upset or fainted too. You used very good descriptive words. Very good job my friend! Blessings, Teri


 Comment Written 02-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 02-Aug-2019
    Thanks, Teri, for giving this a look. Bill
Comment by
Loren
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This is frighteningly real. Is it the stuff of fiction, conspiratorial gossip? I've heard of such experiments that either are hushed up or so unbelievable that no one wants to pursue them for fear of being labeled a fool. You made Annie a very likeable character, one the reader can readily have sympathy for. Loren


 Comment Written 02-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 02-Aug-2019
    Thanks, Loren. She has a brief but important role here. Bill
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