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Reviews from
Central Casting Security Guard


a 100 word story

  16 total reviews 
Comment by
susand3022
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Hooray for the security guard!!!! I'll take the fake cops any day of the week if they're going to do that kind of work! LOL (No disrespect to the real thing, of which I know many, including my cousin!) Take that butthole!


 Comment Written 14-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
    Thanks for the enthusiastic response, Susan
Comment by
catch22
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Hi Mark, I like the premise of the story although you told me too much info about the customer rather than showed me through action or dialogue. I think this weakened thewriting for me. Insteresting premise, but the writing needs some attention wrt my comments IMO.


 Comment Written 12-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
    Thanks for the review. I share your thoughts on the story. The essential components of the story were 1) an almost comically- macho security guard who thinks he's Dirty Harry, 2) a confrontation where the security guard appears to be overreacting to a fairly small crime, and 3) a twist at the end where it's revealed that, unbeknownst to the security guard, the petty thief was actually a would-be terrorist, and the security guard's overreaction (drawing his gun) turned out to save the day.

    In retrospect it was probably too ambitious to try to fit all that into 100 words
Comment by
Pantygynt
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There are those who will say that, in the light of recent shootings in El Paso, Texas and Dayton, Ohio, this short piece is in poor taste. perhaps it is because I am not an American that I don't see it that way, rather i would consider a piece of black comedy that points up the truth of life in the USA where the security guard, blinded by preconceptions misses the real danger to human life en masse to concentrate on the petty larceny involving a bottle of whisky. Yes, the punch line is in poor taste but then so is Titus Andronicus.


 Comment Written 12-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
    Thanks, Jim. Unfortunately, it seems that any post will be in the aftermath of a shooting. That said, you got me intent perfectly. The story was intended to be about a security guard who is full of his own machismo, and ends up doing something heroic almost by accident.

reply by Pantygynt on 12-Aug-2019
    'If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make atrap for fools ...'
Comment by
giraffmang
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Hi Mark,

If only more of these prats were so easily distracted. These days it's all too much of a possibility, if you live in particular countries. Short sharp and a nice bit of black humour to round off.

Best of luck
G


 Comment Written 12-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
    Thanks - glad the humor came through.
Comment by
Mabaker
 
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Have you entered this before Mark? I've read it before I'm sure.
These 100 word dashes annoy the s..t outa me. I can't get in and chew the juice out of 100 words. I can't even order a Latte under 300 words. As usual mighty fine writing, and even though I score you lower you are still number one star on my Christmas Tree. Sincerely Anne.


 Comment Written 11-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
    No, I didn't enter this before (and I'm hoping no one else did - that would be embarrassing). I did once write a 5-7-5 where the last line was "Clean up on Aisle Five", but that didn't involve a shooting.

    At any rate, thanks so much for the review.

reply by Mabaker on 13-Aug-2019
    That's the trouble with getting old stories blur. Try reading the newspaper without your bifocals! That must have been what I remember, lovely boy. Great work. Sincerely Anne
Comment by
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humpwhistle
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Ah, Mark, despite the terrible topicality of this, it is downright funny--in a black humor sort of way. The Dirty Harry machismo-quips from the pretend cop seem so plausible.
The seriousness of the situation eludes him even after he's taken his man down.

So sad. So funny.

Best of luck, Mark.

Peace, Lee


 Comment Written 11-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
    Thanks so much for getting the point of this. After writing it too quickly and then coming back to read it, I was afraid the "set-up" wasn't clear enough to allow the twist at the end to work (and it probably wasn't for many readers).
Comment by
Mastery
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Semper Fi
 
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Absolutely loved this one, Mark. Hooray! One for the home team. LOL Give that security guard a medal and a raise for exemplary service to the community. God, how Im wish clean up was that easy in order tom get our country back. (: Good job, Mark. Bob


 Comment Written 11-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 14-Aug-2019
    Thanks - tried to channel John McLain when writing this one.

reply by Mastery on 14-Aug-2019
    Right on, my friend. : ) Bob
Comment by
kiwigirl2821
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Hi Mark

Well this definitely made my day. I love the sassy way you pulled this off. That last line "Clean up on Aisle 5" priceless! Good luck. This one is a real beaut!

xoxo deborah


 Comment Written 11-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 14-Aug-2019
    thanks - always good to hear from you.
Comment by
Sugarray77
Melissa
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This is a very active little story. The He-man personalities of all these guys makes this come across in a forceful manner ~ well and the use of gunfire too~. Ha. Good job and I wish you good luck, Mark.

Melissa


 Comment Written 10-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 14-Aug-2019
    thanks, Melissa.
Comment by
2018 Poet of the Year
Gloria ....
2014 - #365 Poet of the Year
2014 - #56 Author of the Year
 
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Wow, this packs a powerful punch, Mark. It almost seems real. lol

Short, succinct and brilliant flash fiction.

Wishing you much luck with the Contest Committee.

Gloria


 Comment Written 10-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 12-Aug-2019
    Thanks, Gloria. I probably rushed this one a bit - not sure if the "set-up" (almost comically-macho security guard overreacts to a seemingly petty thief) was clear enough to make the ending work.
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