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Link Rhyme

  19 total reviews 
Comment by
Pearl Edwards
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I love the cartoon artwork you've used for your presentation Steve. I've never seen this chain rhyme before, but it works well in your rhyming poem about loving and living and enjoying life with your chosen one.
We danced defiance, shunned the hate
and rode our crazy carousel.- love those lines and this is a great read.
cheers.
valda


 Comment Written 22-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 23-Aug-2019
    Thanks, Valda!

    Steve
Comment by
Six-Star Writer
 
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Yeah, the language was far too formal and archaic for my likes. I imagined the poem wearing a top hat, cane, and white gloves and setting sail on the Titanic. Everyday people just don't use words such as "neath" and "betwixt" anymore. Far too pretentious.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
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 Comment Written 21-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 21-Aug-2019
    Ouch! Thanks for stopping by, anyway.

    Steve

reply by Six-Star Writer on 21-Aug-2019
    You're welcome, Steven.
Comment by
Adri7enne
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Lovely. Sweet sentiments. The rhyming sort of threw me at first. I sort of got used to it. Not my favorite rhyme scheme, but something different. Good job.


 Comment Written 20-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 21-Aug-2019
    Thanks again. Yes, it can produce an odd effect when you read it, like something's not quite right.

    Steve
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barbara.wilkey
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barbara.wilkey Recommends:
St. Louis Chapter 33 part 3
More information about the investigation is revealed.
Pays:10 points
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I enjoyed reading your contest entry and liked the idea of being with your wife for a lifetime. I think that gets lost in today's society. I wish you luck with the contest.


 Comment Written 17-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2019
    Thanks, Barbara. Anne and I have been together for over 45 years now - we're starting to plan something special for our 50th anniversary!

    Steve
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RodG
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I really enjoyed this love poem where the Speaker describes a long loving relationship. Because I am soon to celebrate my 50th anniversary, I can truly echo what he's saying, especially in the final stanza. Link rhyme usually turns me off, but you handle it masterfully here. I would only quibble with your title which seems too mundane. Rod


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2019
    Rod, thanks for the kind words. My wife and I are eyeing up our 50th anniversary too, although it's still a couple of years off.

    Steve
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damommy
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Great meter and rhyme! I really like this form, and you've done an excellent job, beautifully worded. What a tribute to your wife, and the adventure you share in life.

I think you have a winner.


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2019
    Yvonne, many thanks for the lovely review and the six stars.

    Steve
Comment by
dragonpoet
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This poem tells of the story of the life of a love. It seems they defied everyone and got married and were happy until the end. I like the chain rhyme. It seems like it would be difficult.
Good luck and keep writing
Joan


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2019
    Thanks, Joan.

    Yes, the chain rhyme kept me working for a while. Even when there are plenty of rhymes, it is not always easy to see how to work them into the required meaning.

    Steve

reply by dragonpoet on 18-Aug-2019
    You're welcome, Steve. I can see that.
    Joan
Comment by
nancy_e_davis
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That is my favorite Robert Frost poem and the last stanza of his poem my favorite stanza. You did a wonderful job with your poem, and as with Frosts last stanza I like yours as well. Any woman would be proud to have her man say that about her. Well done, Steve. Nancy:)


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2019
    Thanks, Nancy. I think that poem is a favourite for many people. Frost has a particular knack for using simple language and yet endowing his poems with deep meaning.

    Steve
Comment by
juliaSjames
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Smooth, lyrical write. The metre is perfect and your end rhymes are precise. For me the second stanza is exceptional both for content and technique. I think the fourth verse, although well penned, is a tad predictable. Something to consider after the contest. Because overall, the poem is audacious. Not only for the forbidden love that it lauds, but also because you dare to carry it to the edge between romantic passion and sentimentality. And why not? Love and life can outdo the soaps in drama anytime!
The one word title is fantastic as a statement and sets the mood for your write.


Although I'm not expert enough to appreciate the nuances of chain rhyme, I hope the committee will be impressed.

Kudos my friend. Good luck.

Blessings Julia




 Comment Written 16-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 17-Aug-2019
    I can always rely on you to give a perceptive review and to see things that others miss entirely.

    Yes, I confess I was running out of ideas by the time I got to that final stanza - but I had struggled with the thing for so long and deadline was approaching, so perhaps I settled for the easy way out. As you note, the earlier stanzas were about love on the 'edge' and deserved a more dramatic conclusion.

    Maybe a poem I should revisit later on, although I am the world's worst at doing that!

    Steve

reply by juliaSjames on 18-Aug-2019
    Editing a write involves a different hemisphere of the brain. Switching back and forth ain't easy. ;-(
Comment by
rosehill (Wendy)
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Exceptional
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Perfection, I'm not sure which poem I like better. The photo caught me right away and is a wonderful complement to the words. I love the flow, the rhyme scheme and the opening "Betwixt" that sets the mood for what follows. Deft use of poetic device left me with a big grin this morning. Your forge is red hot, dear wordsmith. - Wendy


 Comment Written 16-Aug-2019



reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
    Good morning to you and good night from me - near midnight and I don't want to turn into a pumpkin!

    Thanks for the great review. This one needed a good few blows from my biggest hammer before it took a decent shape!

    Steve
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