Two Steps
non-sense poem
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Reviews from
The Sark


Wolf terms defined in Notes section.

  22 total reviews 
Comment by
Suzanna Ray
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  481
Author Rating For Short Works
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A haunting story indeed, reflecting the consequences of uncontrolled emotion that cause cause more grief to those close and connected to us. I see no fault in the writing.


 Comment Written 23-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 26-Oct-2019
    WOW! Thank you so very much for the generous and completely uplifting feedback. It means more than you can possibly imagine since I genuinely treasure each and every six received as it tells me my meager words really did reach out and touch the heart of another. Blessings to you always!
Comment by
Willie P. Smith
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  79
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  230 (+2)
Script Rating
  Rank:  10
Review Stars
  Rank:  133
 

#10 Ranked Script Writer
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I am looking forward to the next full moon. This is a very eerie tale and easy to read. I was kept on the edge of my seat, so to speak, throughout the entire story.


 Comment Written 25-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 26-Sep-2019
    WOW! Thank you very much for the generous and thoroughly uplifting support of this piece. Your time and kind feedback mean more than you can possibly imagine. You have truly blessed my day!
Comment by
Adri7enne
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  Rank:  148
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
She moved forward at a leisurely gait, all the time searching for the right place TO make a stand. Add "TO".
Good story, with the scenes described in loving details. A lot of work for a contest entry. I enjoyed your characters. Nice bit of erotica, too. Well done.


 Comment Written 25-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 26-Sep-2019
    Thank you very much. Your time and kind feedback are always greatly appreciated.
Comment by
Diana L Crawford
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  43
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  161
Review Stars
  Rank:  56
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Exquisite! This is a story that could go far beyond the confines of this contest! It's absolutely captivating! You have expertly created vivid images of all creatures and I am right there with them! Love this!!! You deserve my last 6 for this one! xoxo


 Comment Written 24-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 25-Sep-2019
    WOW! Thank you so VERY much for the generous and uplifting support. This was way outside my comfort zone, but a fan sponsored it and I always try my best to support them - even when I have to swim into deep water LOL. Your kind encouragement means more than you can possibly imagine since eroticism and violence are simply alien elements to my wee little pen.

reply by Diana L Crawford on 25-Sep-2019
    It was very well done and tasteful and very enjoyable to read! now I want more! any chance of a sequel? :) xoxox
Comment by
Ideasaregems-Dawn
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  87
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  Rank:  2
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  47
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Review Stars
  Rank:  94
 

#2 Ranked Author
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Okay, you -- now I am ticked at you! MORE. (lol) There better be apart two!!! The ending was abrupt and did not satisfy me after such a marvelous tale. Compelling story, Monica, and well-written.

One possible tweak needed here -- I found this a bit confusing -- "Now from today until it is time to attack, I want you to transform." Does he not mean she is to stay in that form? Human? In fact, I'd like clarification on that whole paragraph because apparently he is asking her to practice, which seems counter-productive.
1) The transformation was painful for her, and they'll know by how long this transformation lasts, won't they?
2) she will need privacy, which makes it dangerous
3) the full moon doesn't last long -- it begins to wane by its second night out, which means they can't count on any extra time except on that first night
One nit:
"I don't know who you are talking about(.)" No question mark -- it is a statement. (Even if this was a play, it would still be a period. The questioning in the voice falls under stage direction.)
Well done!


 Comment Written 24-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 24-Sep-2019
    WOW! Thank you so much, Dawn, for the generous and uplifting encouragement. This is so far out of my safe little box it took me a day and a half to climb back in. The contest is sponsored by one of my fans and I always try to support them when they create contests PLUS this allowed me to honor my one horror a month promise to Dean's memory AND allowed me to stretch myself with both violence and eroticism. Needless to say, it was exhausting :).

    You are the firs to ask for a sequel so we shall see about that - it may bomb in the actual contest telling me folks just don't car for it.

    In the beginning, I mention the elite members of the Sacred Watch maintain their wolf persona and just before Kira transforms, she says that she had only been wolf and doesn't know if she can. Godwyn wanted her to practice daily up until the attack for two reasons: it would allow her to get used to the pain and hopefully diminish the torment to some extent; he needed to have a good gauge as to how long she could actually maintain human form before sending her out - could vary or could be the same and he needed to know which.

    As to the time running out, the chief concern was that she leave herself enough time to get a safe distance from Malcadh and the Craits well before she started to changeback. That goes back to Godwyn saying she only had three hours and Aldolphus reminding her again before she left to go after Malcadh. It also covers your moon question since they were set to strike at the zenith giving her only that one night to accomplish her mission. I hope I answered everything.

    I am truly grateful for your time and elevating support of what is a totally alien genre to me.

reply by Ideasaregems-Dawn on 24-Sep-2019
    Okay, it works I guess, but as much as I am always in favor of brevity, I also like things crystal clear. Now within a book chapter it is not always possible (here) because the manuscript might wind up being VERY redundant if things are repeated chapter after chapter (which is often a problem with posting a novel here, where much happens between the reading of the chapters).

    But in a short story, if I have to back up a few paragraphs to understand something, it's not clear, IMO, and might need simplifying. Just a thought to keep in mind for future. It's still exceptional writing. But that's me-- if I am going to spend a lot of time trying to help, feel I CAN help, then I usually have to love the piece. There aren't enough hours in a day, and I am TERRIBLY far behind. But I was taught to write to about a grade 10 reader (but that was a long time ago, so who knows today)! (I know when I went BACK to college in the 1990's, I was SHOCKED at just how bad some of the skills were in high school grads!)

reply by the author on 24-Sep-2019
    Today's kids can barely sign their own names and now I hear many of them write exactly as if they were Tweeting thinking that is appropriate English. It is a very scary world.

reply by Ideasaregems-Dawn on 24-Sep-2019
    Made even scarier by those who just do not take no for an answer... LOL. Unless you know or dabble in a little 'bafflegab'.

    No, all kidding aside, there are some skills that should be taught as basics, and they are NOT being taught. Hope there's never a time there's a widespread blackout... And with the threat of climate change...
Comment by
dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Keep right on
writing on
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  52
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  51
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Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  27
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A very well written story, my friend. I appreciate the info in your author notes as without it, I wouldn't have had a clue. Best wishes in the contest, my friend. Thanks for honoring Dean~Debbie


 Comment Written 24-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 24-Sep-2019
    Thank you for the kind words of encouragement and support. They are truly appreciated.
Comment by
CrystieCookie999
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  76
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  75
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  9
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I think this definitely and skillfully meets every criteria for the were-woman hero. I only noticed one thing that could possibly be improved on. In the several paragraphs before this sentence: She counted only three so this one needed to remain alive long enough to divulge Malcadh's whereabouts.
So there are about 20 sentences where the pronouns 'she' and 'her' are used, and I am going to bet I am not the only reader who is new enough to your work that maybe will say, why not use the name Kira in at least 2 of those 20 sentences prior to that sentence so we remember who we are reading about? And that's all I could find that might be improved on. Good luck in the contest. Great illustration choices.


 Comment Written 23-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 24-Sep-2019
    WOW! Thank you so very much for the generous words of encouragement and support. This is so far out of my safe little box I can't begin to tell how much your feedback means. I've been mulling over your suggestion and am in a bit of a quandary. When I use the character's name more frequently I get told it is unnecessary since the reader knows who is bein talked about; when I use the name sparingly, comments like yours arise :). There just doesn't seem to be any really good technical instruction out there as to the when and why to use it other than when it comes to multi-person dialog. I'll see what I can do to come to a happy medium :). I am truly grateful for your time and lovely feedback.

reply by CrystieCookie999 on 24-Sep-2019
    Ah ha, really? I guess maybe use the character name a minimum of twice for every printed page if it were already in a published novel.
Comment by
aryr
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  267
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  61
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  48
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  79
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Good luck with the contest. First I applaud you on your narrative notes, they provided a great deal of information and a salute to our not forgotten Dean. The story itself definitely met the criteria of the contest. The reading flow was fantastic and you captured my attention immediately. You kept the interest growing with each twist and turn. Very well done and very much enjoyed.


 Comment Written 23-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2019
    Thank you very much for the kind and encouraging feedback. It is truly treasured ad appreciated.
Comment by
nancy_e_davis
Level 1 Pro
Premier Poet
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  45
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Review Stars
  Rank:  70
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This was certainly different, Monica. A likely dedication for Dean. He would have enjoyed it, I'm sure. It must be difficult to think up all of these unusual names. This reminds me of Comic book I have read in the past. LOL Well done my dear. Nancy:)


 Comment Written 23-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2019
    Thanks so much, Nancy. This is way outside my comfort zone making your encouragement that much more cherished and valuable.
Comment by
Susan Morritt
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  346
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  195
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Absolutely brilliant! Your story captured me from the first line and wove such a spell that I was very sorry to see it end... But surely it doesn't end here, does it? Wow. Amazing.Thank you for posting this.

Susan


 Comment Written 23-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2019
    WOW! Thank you so very much for the generous encouragement. This is way outside my comfort zone as horror, eroticism, and violence are all a huge stretch for me which makes your kindness even MORE valuable and will be treasured as such. I am more grateful than you can possibly imagine and thank you for taking the time to read and support my effort.

reply by Susan Morritt on 23-Sep-2019
    You are quite welcome. The pleasure was all mine by having the opportunity to read and review such an outstanding piece of writing!

    Susan
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