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Reviews from
The Sark


Wolf terms defined in Notes section.

  23 total reviews 
Comment by
Susan Morritt
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Absolutely brilliant! Your story captured me from the first line and wove such a spell that I was very sorry to see it end... But surely it doesn't end here, does it? Wow. Amazing.Thank you for posting this.

Susan


 Comment Written 23-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2019
    WOW! Thank you so very much for the generous encouragement. This is way outside my comfort zone as horror, eroticism, and violence are all a huge stretch for me which makes your kindness even MORE valuable and will be treasured as such. I am more grateful than you can possibly imagine and thank you for taking the time to read and support my effort.

reply by Susan Morritt on 23-Sep-2019
    You are quite welcome. The pleasure was all mine by having the opportunity to read and review such an outstanding piece of writing!

    Susan
Comment by
Iza Deleanu
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  167
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  20
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  13
Script Rating
  Rank:  8
Review Stars
  Rank:  85
 

#8 Ranked Script Writer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Wow, this story is full of action, and your heroine it's a badass, trying to fight by herself the cursed one. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.


 Comment Written 23-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2019
    Thank you very much for the kind encouragement and support. It is both valued and appreciated.
Comment by
beizanten
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Very interesting first paragraph, pretty original idea. interesting characters and plotline. I like madcath he is evil but I empatize with him being rejected and sent to die


 Comment Written 23-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2019
    Thank you very much for the kind encouragement and support. True, Malcadh was rejected, but the quality of a person is judged by their response to such trials and he responded poorly.
Comment by
tfawcus
Level 3 Pro
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  76
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  33
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  7
Review Stars
  Rank:  67
 

#7 Ranked Novelist
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Pitch perfect language in this thrilling tale. You have all the right elements for an epic fantasy. I won't go through them; you obviously know what they are. My only suggestion is very minor:

Malcadh! Godwyn bristled at the mere thought of him.

Six stars without any doubt.


 Comment Written 22-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2019
    WOW! Thank you so very much for the generous encouragement. This is way outside my comfort zone as horror, eroticism, and violence are all a huge stretch for me which makes your kindness even MORE valuable and will be treasured as such. I appreciate and will be implementing your great suggestion as it really does enhance the line significantly.I am more grateful than you can possibly imagine and thank you for taking the time to read and support my effort.
Comment by
Cindy Warren
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  127
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I think you may have a winner here. I found it a riveting story, and it meets all the requirements for the contest. Humans and wolves alike should be careful of creating an outcast. It could come back for revenge.


 Comment Written 22-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2019
    Thank you so much for the kind encouragement and support. True, we all need to remember our actions have consequences.
Comment by
2020 Recognized Writer of the Year
lyenochka
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  3
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  2
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  12
Script Rating
  Rank:  6
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  2
 

#2 Ranked Author

#3 Ranked Poet

#6 Ranked Script Writer

#2 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Wow you created a whole fantasy world that is completely intriguing and compelling. Loved that you created your unique language words for them and that you have a female heroine. I was thinking it may be long for an FS post but realize it was for a contest and I wish you the best in it!


 Comment Written 22-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2019
    Thank you very much for the kind encouragement and support of this piece. It is lengthy word-wise, but a mentor told me that the test of the quality lies in holding the reader's attention as that makes the reading move along at a good pace and they don't notice the length any more.
Comment by
Rosemary Everson1
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  299
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  57
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is a very good story. I guess when it comes to horror, I will need to get a little more scary and write so it frightens people when reading. I'm not a devil person at heart when writing horror movies. They only come out mild scenarios.


 Comment Written 22-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2019
    Thank you so much for the kind encouragement. This is not my genre either, but you don't grow if you don't continue to push yourself forward.
Comment by
Harley Dayman Rayne Quinn
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
The contest was created by me and I have to say you hit that out of the park. I swear I would love for Kira to fight alongside my team of Broken ones. I love her. If she was real, I would marry her and wow.....


 Comment Written 22-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2019
    WOW! Thank you VERY much for the generous encouragement and support. This was a stretch for me, but I always try to support my fans in their endeavors so I entered to support your clever contest and to push myself to try something new and different. I am truly grateful for your time and kindness.
Comment by
JudyE
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  166
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is fantastic writing and a great entry to the contest. I've only given four stars but am happy to give five after some editing.

"Good. Let's go in and find Kira. I must to speak with both of you." - delete 'to'

"Please, sit. I am in need of help, niece, and you are the only one that can provide it," Godwyn watched closely to see what kind of reaction his revelation evoked. - period after 'it'

"My help? I'm not sure what use I can be." - I wonder about the second sentence when she doesn't know what she'll be asked to do.

Kira listened intently though perplexed about why he needed her. - comma after 'intently'

"How can I help? - speech marks needed after 'help'

"You are unique, my dear, your mortal mother endowed you with gifts - period after 'dear'

and was angered by his brother's blurting out of such blasphemies in her presence. - delete 'of'

In human form you will not be suspect - comma after 'form'

"Don't worry about your father, I will speak to him and all will be well - period after 'father'

He was right in thinking she would be a temptation, her human form was utter perfection. - period after 'temptation'

He turned abruptly and strode away placing distance between them - comma after 'away'

"Without my fur I feel quite naked, may I dress?" she asked - comma after 'fur, period after 'naked'

He hoped his brother would be in a more amenable mood having had some time to cool down - comma after 'mood'

the tops of her matching thigh high boots - hyphenate 'thigh high'

Godwyn smiled, "It's perfect. - period after 'smiled'

Kira laughed as she reached into the left boot pulling out titanium, silver-tipped sword. - comma after 'boot' and it should be 'pulling out a titanium...'

"We can't count on that Adolphus. - comma after 'that'

His expression was fixed offering no betrayal of the concern he felt within - comma after 'fixed'

He seemed unsure as to what to do which gave her time to fire. - comma after 'do'

Malcadh howled with laughter, "THAT is a legend." - period after 'laughter'

"You are delicious, my dear, perhaps I might seduce you into sharing a bite or two with me." - period after 'dear'

He moved behind her, brushing her flowing locks from her savory white neck. - I don't really like 'savory' but that's just a personal thing. Maybe consider 'enticing' or 'alluring'

She reached in desperation for the revolver. - I might have switched this around - 'In desperation, she reached for the revolver.'

The two wolves fought fiercely as she began to feel herself sinking into that all too familiar state of transformation. - I might have used her name again here 'as Kira began...'. Comma after 'fiercely'

With her last once of strength - spelling - ounce

I feel sure this will do well in the contest.

Cheers
Judy



 Comment Written 22-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 22-Sep-2019
    Thanks so much for the kind encouragement and all the great feedback. This is totally outside my comfort zone, but if you don't stretch you don't grow. I implemented pretty much all of your suggestions as I fully understood the reasoning behind them. It's just things like the word choice of 'savory' implying the cannibal nature of the Outclanner I left in. I am truly grateful for your time and support.

reply by JudyE on 22-Sep-2019
    Don't ever feel that you have to use all my suggestions - that's all they are, just suggestions - and now you've mentioned it, 'savory' fits pretty well. Have a great day. Judy
Comment by
Mrs. KT
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  7
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  98
 

#7 Ranked Poet
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hello Monica!
What an exceptionally well-crafted offering - one that would please Dean, of that I am certain. It certainly pleased me and held my attention from the creative character names, plot, dialogue and setting. Excellent visual imagery. Storyline flowed well!
Kudos and Best Wishes!

diane


 Comment Written 22-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 23-Sep-2019
    WOW! Thank you so very much for the generous encouragement. This is way outside my comfort zone as horror, eroticism, and violence are all a huge stretch for me which makes your kindness even MORE valuable and will be treasured as such. I am more grateful than you can possibly imagine and thank you for taking the time to read and support my effort.
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