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Reviews from
The Piper, Part 24


The lure

  19 total reviews 
Comment by
Sandra Ludwick
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  319 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  76
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  53
 
Excellent
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts through your story. It was very entertaining and I enjoyed reading it. The story held my interest through the entire chapter. Good luck.


 Comment Written 06-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 07-Nov-2019
    I am so glad you enjoyed the story. Thank you for comments and the good luck wishes.
Comment by
Suzanna Ray
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  481
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Five stars for sure, maybe six, but I must let you know. This is the first story that made enough sense ( even starting some where in the middle of it ) that I found not only intriguing but readable as well! I will look forward to your next post. WELL WRITTEN regards Suzanna


 Comment Written 03-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 04-Oct-2019
    Hi Suzanna,
    How delightful to find your review this morning, especially since I didn't have anything active.
    Thank you so much for the encouraging comments. I am so honored that you liked the story so much.
    Have a wonderful day.
    Debi
Comment by
Cindy Warren
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  Rank:  117
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  Rank:  22
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  Rank:  19
 
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Is it true Piper has Fae relatives? My guess is that it is not. It must be confusing not to know your relatives and be vulnerable to a trick like that. Perhaps it's his music they like. I'm interested to see if the Captain can find him.


 Comment Written 29-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
    Hi Cindy,
    Thank you so much for taking time to read and review. I love your comments. They made me smile.
    Debi
Comment by
Pam (respa)
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  25
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  27
Review Stars
  Rank:  37
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
-You haven't lost your touch, Debi.
-I loved this chapter and seeing
Burkehart so intent on finding Piper,
and hoping to rescue him.
-We still don't know who is really the good guy,
and who is the deceitful one because both
parties have a vested interest in Piper and his abilities.
-I get the feeling, though, that Burkehart
really cares for the boy, and I am not sure
Summerstorm's interest is the same.
-The appearance of his son is interesting,
but there are hints given by Burkehart that
Piper might not be that thrilled.
-Even with his good intentions, the fae have
managed to elude Burkehart once more.
-I enjoy this story so much, and only want more!


 Comment Written 29-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
    Hi Pam,
    Thank you so much for the six stars and especially for your encouraging comments. I appreciate your continuing to follow the story. Thank you for your patience, too. I've had computer problems that delayed the posting by several weeks as I worked through it.
    Who has good intentions and who doesn't. Piper will have to find out.
    Debi

reply by Pam (respa) on 30-Sep-2019
    You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Debi. Seems like computer problems get all of us now and then. I guess Piper will, but until then it is fun to guess. You do a good job of keeping us in suspense!
Comment by
Bill Pinder
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  Rank:  46
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  Rank:  52
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Review Stars
  Rank:  26
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Excellent writing that is creative and has a good flow to keep the readers interest. Thanks for sharing this chapter and I look forward to the next one.
Bill


 Comment Written 29-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
    Hi Bill,
    Thank you for the generous six stars. I appreciate the encouragement and the support.
    Debi
Comment by
Ulla
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  175
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  Rank:  125
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  Rank:  1
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  Rank:  46
 

#1 Ranked Novelist!
Excellent
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Hi there, I think I've said it before that I'm not into fantasy stories, but this is drawing me in. I'm still getting my head around it all. I'm enjoying it. I only found this:
not since he had located and began following Piper and Summerstorm. = not since he had located and begun following Piper and Summerstorm.
All best. Ulla:)))


 Comment Written 29-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
    Hi Ulla,
    Thank you for pointing out that SPAG. I can't believe I missed it.
    I think it is a great compliment that you don't like fantasy, but you are enjoying the story anyway. It makes me smile to hear that.
    Debi
Comment by
giraffmang
Level 2 Pro
2018 2nd for short works
2017 Author of the year
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  137
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  15
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  8
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  115
 

#8 Ranked Novelist
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi there,

Another excellent post in this very well-written and engaging story. Nice interactions displayed between the Captain and Fae, letting us see sides to both characters and their motivations.

nice work
G


 Comment Written 29-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
    Hi Giraffmang,
    Thank you for the wonderful six stars and for continuing to follow the story. I appreciate you support so much.
    Debi
Comment by
Alex Rosel
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  153
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  10
Review Stars
  Rank:  18
 

#10 Ranked Author
Excellent
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This is an easy read. The narrative has an appropriate pace, and you sentence structure works well {smiles}.

Here are a few points you might like to consider:

No sense attracting unwanted attention from pointed-eared creatures with the noise. -- If this was mine, I'd omit the "with the noise". For me, it's too much telling, and it doesn't allow your reader the space to engage by imagining much about the movement. Just a personal preference...

Instead, he rolled his shoulders, rubbed his neck and exhaled in frustration. -- I'd also omit the "Instead". It's implied, and it's inclusion links this to the previous paragraph and that make the paragraph break a disjoint.

He only heard the creaking of his leather uniform and his own breathing. -- This is a nice narrative snippet. It adds to the tension {smiles}.

Oh, why did the boy have to purchase new boots and wear them today? -- Elsewhere you've used italics for inner thoughts.


 Comment Written 29-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
    Hi Alex Rosel,
    Thank you for taking the time to do a careful read and give such detailed feedback, both of what worked and what needs to be corrected. It means so much to me. I have made the corrections you suggested and find it reads better.
    Debi
Comment by
tfawcus
Level 1 Pro
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  91
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  3
Review Stars
  Rank:  45
 

#3 Ranked Novelist
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Unfortunately, I haven't been following this tale but am enchanted by it. You have the idiom perfectly. I must see if I can find the time to go back and read previous chapters. It's not easy to find suitable original names for these characters. Redd-Lief is a great choice.
You show emotions very well by describing the actions and expressions that characterise them.
A most enjoyable read. Six stars all the way.


 Comment Written 29-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
    Hi Tony,
    Thank you for the wonderful six star rating. I appreciate you pointing out what you liked so I know what works.
    Debi
Comment by
Iza Deleanu
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  228 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  79
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  84
Review Stars
  Rank:  10
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Interesting idea of making the sound the 'crumbs" to be fallowed to the lost hero. Piper with his magic music leads the way to be discovered . "A tune wafted upon the breeze, so soft it was more of a caress than a sound. Burkehart felt the tension in his muscles ease a bit and he sighed. Ah, that music is almost magical; so joyful, so relaxing. He yawned. I wonder if Troy has reached Hanover with the musicians yet. I should head back and check on them. Ah, but that music is sweet. Burkehart opened his eyes. Flute music in the forest? His lips turned up slightly. Piper. So I haven't lost you after all, my young friend. There is still time to save you from the Fae." Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.


 Comment Written 28-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
    Hi Iza Deleanu,
    Thank you for your insightful comments and good luck wishes. I appreciate both.
    Debi
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