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Reviews from
Assassin Nation


Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Reunion"

A sequel to the novel Baker's Dozen

  8 total reviews 
Comment by
brenda faye curtis
 
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While this is well written and interesting, it's been so long since I read a chapter, I've lost some details of the story. I went back to read previous chapters, but the last one's missing, and I'm just a little lost now, despite having read some earlier ones. I'll try again later.


 Comment Written 02-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 02-Oct-2019
    Thanks, Brenda, for giving it a look.

reply by brenda faye curtis on 04-Oct-2019
    You're welcome, Bill.
Comment by
kahpot
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  35
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  62
 
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Another great read, I will have to go back for a refresher I think as I couldn't stop thinking about the fight between the twins as my last read, though this story/chapter is familiar, I like the change of font for the talking and thinking of the characters, very well written****kahpot


 Comment Written 02-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 02-Oct-2019
    Thank you, kahpot, I actually need to rewrite this chapter as I accidentally put it in scene form instead of conventional story.
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  111
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  113
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  4
Review Stars
  Rank:  43
 

#4 Ranked Novelist
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Hi Bill, I'm a bit confused here. It's a great story and the dialogue is great, as well. But what I can't figure out is whether this is supposed to be a script. If so it lacks a bit as far as I know. All best. Ulla:)))


 Comment Written 01-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
    Yes, I know. I had come off a script scene for aprons and Ned and began this with that in mind. It obviously can?t be a story or a script scene in this hybrid form. What about the story?

reply by Ulla on 01-Oct-2019
    I think it's a great story and it has a lot going for it. So keep writing. But you have to make a decision whether it's a script or a piece of prose. LOL
Comment by
Mystic Angel 7777
 
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Is this a script or a story? The reason I ask is that it's listed at the top as a story and then written as a script so I am really unsure what to review it as. If it is a story than the manner in which the dialog is written makes this a four as it doesn't follow the proper rules of prose. If it is a script than it is a five. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.


 Comment Written 01-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 01-Oct-2019
    Well I?ll be switched. I finished a scene for Pons and Ned and went into a new chapter for Assassination. As you can see, the narration wouldn?t do for a script, and the dialogue set up is not proper for a story. Can I keep the five anyway?

reply by Mystic Angel 7777 on 01-Oct-2019
    LOL! Of course you can, but I'd fix this before another person who actually reads and reviews properly gets hold of it.
Comment by
2020 Recognized Writer of the Year
lyenochka
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  Rank:  3
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  Rank:  3
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  2
Script Rating
  Rank:  6
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  2
 

#3 Ranked Author

#2 Ranked Novelist

#3 Ranked Poet

#6 Ranked Script Writer

#2 Ranked Reviewer
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Mother? I'm confused isn't Millie the experiment twin daughter so shouldn't Samanthrax be the mother? It's been a while so I'll have to go back to your earlier posts. It's reading more like a script now. I'm worried for Baker to be among that mix of people!

"Manual Kontroz had stayed busy " (Manuel)


 Comment Written 30-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
    Millie was last seen in 1970, so she is much older. Baker has been ?wiped?, so he?s back in sleeper mode.
Comment by
dejohnsrld (Debbie)
 
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Go ahead, Mr. Butcher. (LOL)

How is your assignment here going.(question mark)

Manowitz: It's Millimeter. (LOL)

A well written chapter, my friend. I love the humor. We all need more of that~Debbie




 Comment Written 30-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
    Thank you, Debbie
Comment by
Iza Deleanu
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  165
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  16
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  13
Script Rating
  Rank:  7
Review Stars
  Rank:  106
 

#7 Ranked Script Writer
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Wow my head spins of too much politics and the slang and protocol. You must have done your research on this subject:) You seems to know the drill and here is an example:"
Meanwhile, Congresswoman Manowitz arrives from the airport and is escorted through the White House to the Vice President's reception area.

Baker: Good morning, Representative Manowitz. I am Ben Baker, the Vice President's assistant. I would like to take a few minutes, if you will, to go over my notes to assure a productive meeting between the VP and yourself.

Monowitz: Certainly, Mr. Baker. I'm sure Jason can get his pants on by the time we're done.

Baker: Smiling, he imagined that Mr. Marr might indeed have a page bent over his desk. It wouldn't be the first. He has simply asked that I double check all that there is to discuss to streamline both of your schedules."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.


 Comment Written 30-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
    Thanks, Iza
Comment by
nomi338
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  64
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  75
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  58
 
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Oh no you didn't! How could you do this? You just threw a monkey wrench into all that I was thinking about this situation when out of nowhere, you just created a whole other situation that I now have to deal with. I am dizzy and behind an eight ball. Thoroughly enjoying myself all the while. Keep it up.


 Comment Written 30-Sep-2019



reply by the author on 30-Sep-2019
    Glad I got you, nomi. Now back to some action.
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