Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

Sonnet Poetry Contest
Deadline: Tomorrow!

True Story Flash
Deadline: In 3 Days

Write A Script
Deadline: In 6 Days

2-4-2 Poetry
Deadline: Nov 30th

Lune Poetry Contest
Deadline: Dec 2nd


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None






Reviews from
Pushed Too Far


Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Joining Forces"

Shocking news sends Jeremy over the edge.

  9 total reviews 
Comment by
Roxanna Andrews
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  104
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  89
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  19
Review Stars
  Rank:  74
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Oh my. What does Barry have in mind? I do hope it works or Jeremy my be in big trouble. Great chapter, looking forward to the next. Have to see what Barry has in mind. =} Rox


 Comment Written 19-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
    Thank you for reading my chapter, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Like you, I hope his plan works, but the detectives are very good at their job.
    Thank you again for your kind review, all your help, support, encouragement, and friendship. It means a lot to me, take care.
Comment by
Liz O'Neill
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  31
Review Stars
  Rank:  138
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Your use of dialogue is well done. There is no confusion with who is talking. There was an excellent twist of the thinking of the reader. Our train of thought was going one way. The suspense was fueled with us thinking it was the Sargeant Bower at the window and yet a part of us were hoping we were wrong and that it might possibly be Barry. What a relief. You leave the reader in suspense. There is no question that we will not be back to watch the plan unfold. I have to give this A+


 Comment Written 18-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 18-Oct-2019
    Thank you so much for such an excellent review. I'm honored that you find it worth. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. That made my week.
    Thank you again for all your help, support, and friendship. It means the world to me, take care.
Comment by
tfawcus
Level 1 Pro
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  91
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  3
Review Stars
  Rank:  47
 

#3 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This fast moving plot is filled both with tension and suspense. The internal monologue is outstanding. You have a way of getting right inside the mind of your characters.
A couple of minor typos:

The dash remains completely dark. "The batter(y) is dead. "He collapses over the steering wheel

since his (he's) like one of the family and all.


 Comment Written 17-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 18-Oct-2019
    Thank you so much for your encouraging review. I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter. Thank you for catching my mistakes. It's always greatly appreciated. It's how I learn and grow as a writer, take care.
Comment by
Cindy Warren
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  116
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  24
Review Stars
  Rank:  19
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I guess Jeff and Tony had it coming. They would have killed Jeremy if Barry hadn't stopped them. Framing somebody is hard. Cops can usually smell it. Will it work?


 Comment Written 17-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 18-Oct-2019
    Thank you so much for your continuous support, it's always greatly appreciated. You're right cops usually do figure it out. Will it work? If it doesn't Both Barry and Jeremy will serve some prison time.
    Thank you again for your great review, all your help, support, and friendship. It means a lot to me, take care.
Comment by
Robert Zimmerman
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  45
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  20
Review Stars
  Rank:  12
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi Mistydawn. In this chapter in addition to keeping the action going, you threw in a twist with Paul and change the motives and actions a little. It was done clearly so it works.
There was one typo in the dialogue: "The batter is dead." I'm sure you meant Battery. Robert


 Comment Written 17-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 18-Oct-2019
    Thank you so much for reading my chapter. I'm glad you liked the twist I threw in and that you thought it worked. Battery is what I meant, I'll change that now.
    Thank you again for your encouraging review, all your help, support, and your friendship. It means the world to me, take care.

reply by Robert Zimmerman on 18-Oct-2019
    You're welcome
Comment by
KatyM
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  386
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  107
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  71
Review Stars
  Rank:  245
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
The plot thickens....que the music...da ta da.......lol
Getting good!
You have been doing a great job on your writing. I'm at a stand still right now. Been trying to get stuff together for some craft shows starting next month for Nov and December. We leave for Texas next Thursday and will be gone until Tuesday the 29th. YAY! I won't be taking my laptop. Too much of a hassle with the plane. So will only have my ipad.
I am interested in how Barry thinks he can frame Jeff and his friend for Paul's murder? Hmmmm


 Comment Written 17-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 18-Oct-2019
    Thank you so much for your encouraging words It means a lot to me. I think there might be hope for my storytelling after all.
    Sounds like you don't have enough on your plate, lol. Just kidding. You really have a lot going on.
    Have a safe trip and try to have some fun, despite the family drama.
    Thank you again for all your help, support and your friendship. It always means a lot to me, take care.

reply by KatyM on 18-Oct-2019
    Yes, you definitely have the storytelling down. Love reading your writing. :) ttyl

reply by the author on 18-Oct-2019
    How sweet of you to say. Thank you.
Comment by
Gert sherwood
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  68
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hello Mistydawn.
Your writing is so good and you kept my attention throughout your lets say exciting story. What I like how you kept me in suspense.
And you know how to describe what is going on though the storm
Gert


 Comment Written 17-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 18-Oct-2019
    Thank you so much for such an encouraging review. I'm so glad you find my stories exciting, suspenseful. especially that you liked my description. The description part still gives me a lot of grief. I'm hoping it'll get easier in time.
    Thank you again for all your help, support, encouraging words, and your friendship. It means a lot to me, take care.

reply by Gert sherwood on 18-Oct-2019
    You are so welcome Mistydawn
    Gert
Comment by
royowen
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  4
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  6
 

#4 Ranked Poet
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Jeremy's biological dad that he doesn't know rocks up, when he thought it might be the police and he gets into trouble, but he doesn't know it was Barry finished off Paul. Now, after Barry has secured Jeff and Tony, he has a plan to frame them for Paul's murder. Well done, good episode, blessings, Roy
Typo : While(s) Tony continues...2: Jeremy co(a)xes...3 : the sergeant(')s backwork...4: best if (she) stayed at the station...


 Comment Written 17-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 17-Oct-2019
    Thank you so much for your helpful review and for catching my mistakes. It's always greatly appreciated. Jeremy thinks things will get easier now Barry's on his side, but...
    Thank you again for all your help, support, and friendship. My writing has improved a lot thanks to you. For that, I will always be grateful. Take care.

reply by royowen on 17-Oct-2019
    My pleasure, I don?t think I?m the only one, but thank for saying
Comment by
2014 Novelist and 2016 Short Works Writer Of The Year
Phyllis Stewart
Premier Writer
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  167
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  19
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  25
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  31
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I think you said PAUL again where you didn't mean to. He was killed by the boar, wasn't he? You should check for the name Paul here and see where the error is. That confused me earlier and it's happening again.


 Comment Written 17-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 17-Oct-2019
    I did it again. Darn that Paul I kill him and he comes back to haunt me. Maybe I need an exorcist? There's a question for you. How do you keep book charaters from coming back once they are dead?
    Feeling goofy must be the pine sol I just used.
    Thank you so much for your great review, all your help and support. and your friendship. it's always greatly appreciated, take care.
    I'll check that now.

reply by the author on 17-Oct-2019
    You were right, I did. I fixed it. Thanks for catching that. Sorry about the confusion.
  -1-   Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
Don't Look Back Smuckatelly
Another Smuckatelly Adventure


Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy