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Aaron's Dragons

Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "The Sky Dragon"

An aging knight finds a clutch of dragon eggs

15 total reviews

Comment by

JudyE

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Excellent

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I enjoyed reading this and the struggle to get the dragon out of its shell reminded me of my mother trying to free turkey chicks from their shells as sometimes the membrane was very tough. I didn't pick up any errors and don't have any suggestions.

Comment Written 21-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 21-Oct-2019

Thanks. I've heard birds can have some trouble getting out of their shells. They need some help from their mother, or a friendly human.

Comment by

Bill Pinder

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Excellent

I enjoyed reading this new chapter about a new dragon being born to join the others in this excellent adventure. I like how you express the different personalities of the dragons and their uniqueness. Sounds like the action is about to heat up.
Bill

Comment Written 20-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 21-Oct-2019

Thanks. Glad you're enjoying my story.

Comment by

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Ulla

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Hi Cindy, you still have me following this story and I'm actually enjoying reading it. It's vivid with imagery and suspense, as well. How many more eggs have to hatch? All the best. Ulla:)))

Comment Written 20-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019

Thanks. There are two eggs left. I'm thinking of hatching them together. It may be time to stop hatching eggs and move the story forward. What do you think?

reply by Ulla on 20-Oct-2019

Couldn't agree more. Want to see what is happening. !!!

Comment by

Ricky1024

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This chapter"The Sky Dragon'
Was well written and rich in Theme and Imagery.
...
It read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues as well.
...
Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024

Comment Written 19-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019

Thanks, Ricky. I'm glad you're staying tuned to enjoy my story.

Comment by

Sallyo

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I am Australian.

Therefore, I write like an Australian.

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may change their minds, he added."
may change their minds," he added.
This continues on its excellent way. The only real comment I have is MORE PLEASE.

Comment Written 19-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019

Thanks. I'm working on the next chapter. Thanks for catching the missing quotation marks

Comment by

Jannypan (Jan)

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This is an exciting chapter filled with much detail and action. I enjoyed reading it. I liked the part about the newest dragon emerging from its shell. The ending was very suspenseful. Thanks for sharing. Respectfully with Love, Jan

'I did it again, Pink squealed after made (making) it about the same distance. . .'

Comment Written 19-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019

Thanks. I'll fix that right away.

Comment by

Gert sherwood

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Excellent

Hello Cindy Warren
Oh what a well written description of the egg that didn't want to hatch on its own. Question how many eggs left to hatch?
And another thing I cannot remember of the dargons that already hatched.
Gert

Comment Written 19-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019

Thanks. There are two left. I'm thinking of hatching them together.

reply by Gert sherwood on 20-Oct-2019

Hello Cindy
it sounds very interesting to find out when the two eggs hatch.

Comment by

juliaSjames

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Excitement mounts in this chapter. The sky dragon has to be helped to hatch and strangers arrive.

Some points for you to consider:

It would be useful for the reader's benefit to add some perspective on the size of the dragons. For example, "Mountain and Yellow had doubled in size; they were as big as chickens ( or whatever you decide)."

It seems that all the dragons understand each other and the humans. But can they all make themselves understood? Or only Pink and White and Blue? This isn't clear to me.

Don't think flies are around at night. So when Aaron opens the window after Sky hatches, maybe mosquitoes or gnats fly in.

How can Aaron reckon the time before dawn so precisely? Maybe he can only approximate by the moon or stars. So perhaps, 'Aaron woke with Mountain and Yellow next to him. He scanned the night sky. Experience told him it was about two hours before dawn."

Nice cliffhanger ending.

Blessings Julia

Comment Written 19-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019

Thanks. Aaron would not be able to tell time to the minute, but the moon and stars would give him a fairly accurate estimate. I probably could word it a little better.

reply by juliaSjames on 19-Oct-2019

Okay. It's a great story.

JJ

Comment by

damommy

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Oh, no! There's too much tension in this chapter. I had a hard time helping to get Sky out of his shell, and now Aaron is trapped in the cabin. How much more do you think this old lady can stand????

Seriously, this is an exciting chapter, and I've enjoyed every word of it. Can hard wait for the next installment. I wish you'd waited until the new sixes were handed out.

Comment Written 19-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019

I can't be letting you guys get bored, can I? LOL Thanks for the wonderful review and for staying tuned and enjoying my story.

Comment by

Mistydawn

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I hope Aaron can find a good place to hide and quick. Your story is well-written, very interesting, suspenseful. First with the trapped baby and then the intruders. Your suspense building, in the beginning, grabbed my attention, kept me reading on. I love the part about pink learning to fly. It made her seem more believable, real. Great job.

Comment Written 19-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 19-Oct-2019

Thanks. They're going to have to start flying. The baby dragons were fun, but it's time to move the story along. I don't think Aaron can hide.

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