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Reviews from
Horse-Hawks -- Conclusion


Shoot-out at the Tired-T

  17 total reviews 
Comment by
Debbie Pope
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  Rank:  31
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  Rank:  22
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Review Stars
  Rank:  56
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I'm running out of superlatives for your posts, Lee. You are truly a pro, and I think we are so lucky that you write with us. I am getting very attached to your Sturdy stories. Please keep em coming.


 Comment Written 22-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 23-Oct-2019
    Thanks so much, Debbie. I'm glad you're developing a taste for Roy Sturdy. Sadly, the current crop of FanStorians are less enthusiastic. Oh, well. Never fear, Roy and Maisy and Helen the Horse will be back. Thanks again. Peace, Lee

reply by Debbie Pope on 23-Oct-2019
    It's hard for me to believe that people who enjoy reading and writing don't enjoy everything that you write. Seriously. Something is lacking in their taste.
Comment by
the13thpoet
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Excellent
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Hello Lee my friend, a merry Monday to you. Another fine piece of work I had the pleasure of reading, reviewing and enjoying. Thank you for sharing your work with us and showing us how it should be done.


 Comment Written 21-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 22-Oct-2019
    Thank you, my friend. Honestly, I'm kind of glad that story is finished. I have a hard time selling Westerns on this site. I appreciate you hanging in. Peace, Lee
Comment by
lyenochka
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  Rank:  9
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  Rank:  4
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  Rank:  5
 

#9 Ranked Author

#2 Ranked Novelist

#3 Ranked Poet

#4 Ranked Script Writer

#5 Ranked Reviewer
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Great job overall, Lee. The way you do dialogue I can hear those voices and then I'm starting to think with a twang. I liked the pointy badge of suspicion and other phrases.

One spag:
"unlikely to hit it's mark," (its)


 Comment Written 20-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
    Thank you, Helen. I really appreciate you hangin' all the way through--and for the spag alert.
    Secretly, I think you have a soft spot for Helen the horse.
    Thanks again. Peace, Lee

reply by lyenochka on 20-Oct-2019
    I make no secret about it, Lee. I take it as a compliment!
Comment by
royowen
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 Rank:  6
 

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Your physical description and movements of both protagonist and antagonist were concise and very deftly scribed Lee, this was quite definitely an accomplishment with characters plot and imagery my friend, an excellent and triumphant conclusion to your story Lee, well done, blessings, Roy


 Comment Written 19-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
    Thanks so much, Roy. As you suggest, actions are really difficult to write. Too much description kills the pace, too little confuses the reader. Dialogue is so much easier! Thanks for noticing, Roy. Peace, Lee

reply by royowen on 20-Oct-2019
    Well done Lee
Comment by
robyn corum
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  Rank:  9
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  Rank:  17
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  Rank:  40
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  Rank:  17
 

#9 Ranked Poet
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Lee,

Niiiiiccce job. I am pleased with this outcome and don't think I coulda writ it no better. (That's high praise indeed, don't ya know.)

I am looking forward to more from Maisy and her hubby. She is a fine, up-standing pioneer woman-type human and the kind of saintly being that made this country whut it is today. More! More! More!

(Please.)

Thanks!


 Comment Written 19-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
    Thanks so much, Robyn. I'm sure I'll return to Roy and Maisy and the gang, but this particular crop of FS readers isn't high on Westerns.
    My next story is going to be about a puppy who rescues big-eyed orphans from a fire. Whaddaya think?

    Thanks again. Peace, Lee

reply by robyn corum on 21-Oct-2019
    Sounds tacky and lame and sappy as all get out.

    Should go over great!
Comment by
kiwisteveh
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  Rank:  100
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  Rank:  179
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A bit more detail in the final confrontation than in most of your stories - hard work I would say getting that right.

A few little sparks (or spokes?) in the Roy/Maisy relationship and De Voe remains largely undeveloped, although the basics are clear. Saving him for future use perhaps.

Anyway, all good fun and a most satisfactory conclusion. The final paragraph is rather low-key. Did you consider ending on the previous scene. I could offer a real-life example when we were staying with my brother and Anne was cooking breakfast. He made one joke too many and his bacon, eggs and tomatoes ended up thrown on the floor at his feet!

Steve


 Comment Written 19-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
    Thank you, Steve. Yes, writing action is painstaking. Too little detail, and the action is unclear. Too much detail, the urgency of a fight is lost.
    Yes, DeVoe needs to get fleshed out at another time.
    The last line is something of a concession. I realized Roy would be uncomfortable owing Jules, so he'd have to return the favor. Plus, Roy didn't want to be handy for burial duty.

    Thanks for sticking with it, Steve. Peace, Lee
Comment by
N.K. Wagner
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
"Shoulda ducked."? Roy wins one and loses the other. At least Helen still likes him. I understand the quick exit. Sorry we don't have more Western fans here. I'd have enjoyed a more elegant finish .
:) Nsncy


 Comment Written 19-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
    Thank you, Nancy. Honestly, I don't think this story can end until Roy helps Jules recover his horses. I couldn't tag it on to this post, so I'll start a new story that takes up right where this ends. Eventually, I'll join the two stories together.

    "Shoulda ducked' is my favorite bonehead line.

    Thanks again. Peace, Lee
Comment by
barbara.wilkey
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  Rank:  6
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 Rank:  57
 
barbara.wilkey Recommends:
St. Louis Chapter 17 part 1
Logan and McKenzie search Donnie's house
Pays:10 points
10 member cents

 

#6 Ranked Novelist
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Wonderful story and fantastic ending. I understand her point about falling on the knitting needles. Of course, she was shot. LOL Once again you told a great story.


 Comment Written 19-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
    Thanks so much for hanging in, Barbara. Yes, Maisy doesn't abide stupid questions. I think Roy's in over his head. How's your spider problem? Peace, Lee

reply by barbara.wilkey on 20-Oct-2019
    The spider moved. She has now built her web over the tomato garden. I will NOT be picking any tomatoes. LOL
Comment by
juliaSjames
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  Rank:  97
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  Rank:  53
 
Excellent
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The shoot out is well presented, Lee. Maisy is a rugged woman. Feisty too. I started at a disadvantage because I didn't know the characters from before. But I think I caught on quickly. Liked the western lingo.

Blessings Julia



 Comment Written 19-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
    Thank, Julia. Writing 'serials' requires a certain amount of tact. That you caught on so quickly suggests I'm doing okay. Thanks again. Peace, Lee

reply by juliaSjames on 20-Oct-2019
    You're doing great, Lee.

    JJ
Comment by
2018 Novelist of the Year.
2017 Short Works and 2017 Script Writer of the Year.
Thomas Bowling
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  127
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  Rank:  21
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  Rank:  11
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  Rank:  7
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  Rank:  39
 

#7 Ranked Script Writer
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You wrote the perfect end to a great story. I found myself ducking bullets as I read. I could hear the slugs buzzing past me. This was action packed. I imagine there were plenty of scenes like this in the old west.


 Comment Written 19-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 22-Oct-2019
    Thanks so much, Thomas. Actions scenes are difficult to write. No wonder I place most of my characters on park benches and bar stools. Thanks again. Peace, Lee
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