Contact Us | En español
   
         Join today or login

Status

New Here?
Sign Up
Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?
Login

Contests

Lune Poetry Contest
Deadline: In 3 Days

True Story Flash
Deadline: Jun 3rd

5-7-5 Poetry Contest
Deadline: Jun 8th

Minute
Deadline: Jun 14th

Share Your Story
Deadline: Jun 16th


Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet: None
Author: None
Novel: None
Reviewer:None
Votes: None

Recommended


Categories


Write


Reviews from
Aaron's Dragons


Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Dylan"

An aging knight finds a clutch of dragon eggs

  15 total reviews 
Comment by
lyenochka
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  4
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  2
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  3
Script Rating
  Rank:  2
Review Stars
  Rank:  4
 

#2 Ranked Author
#3 Ranked Novelist

#4 Ranked Poet
#2 Ranked Script Writer

#4 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Seems like it's getting really crowded with all kinds of baby dragons now. It's good that Aaron has a human companion now. A list of characters at the start or end would be good and maybe a little blurb at the beginning which summarizes the last chapter would be appreciated by occasional readers.

"Same as you, I recon. " (reckon) "recon" would be short for the military term "reconnaissance."

"You know I know I know it too." (Did you really want the second 'I know?')


 Comment Written 25-Oct-2019


reply by the author on 26-Oct-2019
    Thanks. It's fixed now.
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  69 (+2)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  84 (+2)
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  2
Review Stars
  Rank:  44
 

#2 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi Cindy, I'm still fascinated where this story is going. I have a suggestion, though. You have a tendency of writing : said Aaron , said she, she said and so forth. After a while it reads like a list or rather staccato. Just an example how you could change this:
"Maybe they'd be happier with full bellies," said Aaron. = Aaron looked him straight in the eyes, "Maybe they'd be happier with full bellies."
Just a suggestion. Kind regards. Ulla:)))


 Comment Written 23-Oct-2019


reply by the author on 24-Oct-2019
    Thanks. That's a good idea.
Comment by
juliaSjames
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  195
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I like Black flaming at the dragoyles. He's getting his spirit back. Now that all 12 dragons are hatched, you may have to list them and their characteristics in the author notes to help new readers.

Storyline is emerging as the outside world closes in on Aaron and his "family".

Didn't notice any spag except for the following sentence that confused me.

"You know I know I know it too.'.

Blessings Julia


 Comment Written 22-Oct-2019


reply by the author on 23-Oct-2019
    Thanks. I'll check that line. did I put one too many I know?
Comment by
brenda bickers
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi Cindy,
another great chapter in your book. I wish I could meet these little creatures, they sound adorable.
I am really loving this story. keep 'em coming.
Brenda.x


 Comment Written 21-Oct-2019


reply by the author on 21-Oct-2019
    Thanks. They were so much fun to create and develop. Glad you're loving them.
Comment by
Gert sherwood
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  37
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  54
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hello Cindy Warren
Ah I see smiles that Aron was a quick thinker.
I'm wondering why are the dragons that hatched Ugly
Gert


 Comment Written 21-Oct-2019


reply by the author on 21-Oct-2019
    Thanks. I guess their mother had an unusual boyfriend. I thought I needed to do something different, and these little guys promise to be fun.

reply by Gert sherwood on 21-Oct-2019
    You are welcome Cindy Warren/
    O you think the dad is another suitor
    Gert
Comment by
damommy
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  30
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  59 (+7)
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  44
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
We got them out of this tight spot. What next? I have a feeling all isn't quiet for long. Having those last two hatchlings so different from the others is a good twist, and 'dragoyles' is a clever name.


 Comment Written 21-Oct-2019


reply by the author on 21-Oct-2019
    Thanks. I can't let them get too bored, can I? The two 'dragoyles' should be fun. I can imagine them scaring a few people.
Comment by
Mistydawn
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  13
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  73
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
A lot of smart thinking on Aarons part. I love how he played it off so nonchalantly the way he did. He didn't miss a beat. Found out a little about the boy and the witch too. It's a well-written, very interesting chapter. I'm glad things worked out as well as they did.


 Comment Written 21-Oct-2019


reply by the author on 21-Oct-2019
    Thanks. Yep, both the boy and the witch have been pretty tight lipped. He'll learn more later on.
Comment by
Ricky1024
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  200
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  128
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  15
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  157
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This chapter "Dylan"
Was well written and rich in Theme and Imagery.
...
It read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues as well.
...
Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024


 Comment Written 21-Oct-2019


reply by the author on 21-Oct-2019
    Thanks Ricky. I'm glad you're staying tuned to my story.
Comment by
2014 Novelist and 2016 Short Works Writer Of The Year
Phyllis Stewart
Premier Writer
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Close call, but Aaron handled it well. I like the nickname dragoyles. So the king is looking for the witch. I doubt he knows about the baby dragons. He would destroy them for sure, so I hope his men don't return.


 Comment Written 21-Oct-2019


reply by the author on 21-Oct-2019
    Thanks. The king does not know about the dragons. They'd be served up on the royal dinner table!
Comment by
Jannypan (Jan)
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  5
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  31
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  6
 

#5 Ranked Poet
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
You did a good job adding some interesting storylines to your story, Cindy. I enjoyed reading this chapter. I'm glad that the visitors seemed satisfied for now about Aaron. The two newest dragons have a cute name--dragoyles. Thanks for sharing. Respectfully with Love, Jan


 Comment Written 21-Oct-2019


reply by the author on 21-Oct-2019
    Thanks. The two new ones should be a lot of fun.
  -1-  2  Next Page 


Market your book.
Advertising options.
dreamtime
the night, watch...


Share or Bookmark
  Contact Us | En español | Advertise With Us

© 2015 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy