FanStory.com - Reviews For Dylan

Join today or login

Home
Read
Write
Contests
Classes
- About Classes
- Classroom Tour
Rankings
Profile
Info

Contact Us

About FanStory.com

Frequently Asked Questions

Membership For Writers

Testimonials

Types Of Poetry

Advertise With Us

Become An Affiliate

Member Dollars

Eternal Flame Upgrade

FanStory.com Gift Cards

Gadgets For Your Desktop

Subscription Feeds

Status

New Here?

Fast! Three Questions.

Already a member?

Contests

Tanka Poetry Contest
Deadline: Today!

15 Syllable Poem
Deadline: In 2 Days

100 Word Flash Fiction
Deadline: In 3 Days

Non-Fiction Writing Contest
Deadline: In 5 Days

5 Line Poem
Deadline: Mar 5th

Writing Classes

0 classes available. Click here locate a class and to learn more.

Rank

Poet:	None
Author:	None
Novel:	None
Reviewer:	None
Votes:	None

Write

Short Story

Poem

Book

Reviews from
Aaron's Dragons

Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Dylan"

An aging knight finds a clutch of dragon eggs

15 total reviews

Comment by

2020 Recognized Writer of the Year

lyenochka

Premier Author

Premier Reader

Poet Rating

Rank: 4

Author Rating For Short Works

Rank: 2

Author Rating For Novels

Rank: 11

Script Rating

Review Stars

Rank: 2

#2 Ranked Author	#4 Ranked Poet
#2 Ranked Reviewer

Excellent

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Seems like it's getting really crowded with all kinds of baby dragons now. It's good that Aaron has a human companion now. A list of characters at the start or end would be good and maybe a little blurb at the beginning which summarizes the last chapter would be appreciated by occasional readers.

"Same as you, I recon. " (reckon) "recon" would be short for the military term "reconnaissance."

"You know I know I know it too." (Did you really want the second 'I know?')

Comment Written 25-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 26-Oct-2019

Thanks. It's fixed now.

Comment by

2019 Novelist of the Year

Ulla

Premier Author

Premier Reader

Poet Rating

Rank: 95

(+9)

Author Rating For Short Works

Author Rating For Novels

Rank: 4

Review Stars

Rank: 45

#4 Ranked Novelist

Excellent

Hi Cindy, I'm still fascinated where this story is going. I have a suggestion, though. You have a tendency of writing : said Aaron , said she, she said and so forth. After a while it reads like a list or rather staccato. Just an example how you could change this:
"Maybe they'd be happier with full bellies," said Aaron. = Aaron looked him straight in the eyes, "Maybe they'd be happier with full bellies."
Just a suggestion. Kind regards. Ulla:)))

Comment Written 23-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 24-Oct-2019

Thanks. That's a good idea.

Comment by

juliaSjames

Premier Author

Premier Reader

Poet Rating

Author Rating For Short Works

Author Rating For Novels

Review Stars

Rank: 204

Excellent

I like Black flaming at the dragoyles. He's getting his spirit back. Now that all 12 dragons are hatched, you may have to list them and their characteristics in the author notes to help new readers.

Storyline is emerging as the outside world closes in on Aaron and his "family".

Didn't notice any spag except for the following sentence that confused me.

"You know I know I know it too.'.

Blessings Julia

Comment Written 22-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 23-Oct-2019

Thanks. I'll check that line. did I put one too many I know?

Comment by

brenda bickers

Premier Author

Premier Reader

Poet Rating

Author Rating For Short Works

Review Stars

Excellent

Hi Cindy,
another great chapter in your book. I wish I could meet these little creatures, they sound adorable.
I am really loving this story. keep 'em coming.
Brenda.x

Comment Written 21-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 21-Oct-2019

Thanks. They were so much fun to create and develop. Glad you're loving them.

Comment by

Gert sherwood

Poet Rating

Rank: 57

Author Rating For Short Works

Author Rating For Novels

Review Stars

Rank: 64

Gert sherwood Recommends:
Ever Lasting Trust
A free verse poem

Pays:

10 points
10 member cents

Excellent

Hello Cindy Warren
Ah I see smiles that Aron was a quick thinker.
I'm wondering why are the dragons that hatched Ugly
Gert

Comment Written 21-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 21-Oct-2019

Thanks. I guess their mother had an unusual boyfriend. I thought I needed to do something different, and these little guys promise to be fun.

reply by Gert sherwood on 21-Oct-2019

You are welcome Cindy Warren/
O you think the dad is another suitor
Gert

Comment by

damommy

Premier Author

Poet Rating

Rank: 21

(+1)

Author Rating For Short Works

Rank: 12

Author Rating For Novels

Review Stars

Rank: 34

Excellent

We got them out of this tight spot. What next? I have a feeling all isn't quiet for long. Having those last two hatchlings so different from the others is a good twist, and 'dragoyles' is a clever name.

Comment Written 21-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 21-Oct-2019

Thanks. I can't let them get too bored, can I? The two 'dragoyles' should be fun. I can imagine them scaring a few people.

Comment by

Mistydawn

Premier Author

Premier Reader

Author Rating For Short Works

Author Rating For Novels

Rank: 12

Script Rating

Review Stars

Rank: 74

Excellent

A lot of smart thinking on Aarons part. I love how he played it off so nonchalantly the way he did. He didn't miss a beat. Found out a little about the boy and the witch too. It's a well-written, very interesting chapter. I'm glad things worked out as well as they did.

Comment Written 21-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 21-Oct-2019

Thanks. Yep, both the boy and the witch have been pretty tight lipped. He'll learn more later on.

Comment by

Ricky1024

Premier Author

Premier Reader

Poet Rating

Rank: 240

Author Rating For Short Works

Author Rating For Novels

Rank: 43

Script Rating

Review Stars

Rank: 316

Excellent

This chapter "Dylan"
Was well written and rich in Theme and Imagery.
...
It read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues as well.
...
Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024

Comment Written 21-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 21-Oct-2019

Thanks Ricky. I'm glad you're staying tuned to my story.

Comment by

2014 Novelist and 2016 Short Works Writer Of The Year

Phyllis Stewart

Premier Writer

Premier Reader

Poet Rating

Author Rating For Short Works

Author Rating For Novels

Review Stars

Excellent

Close call, but Aaron handled it well. I like the nickname dragoyles. So the king is looking for the witch. I doubt he knows about the baby dragons. He would destroy them for sure, so I hope his men don't return.

Comment Written 21-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 21-Oct-2019

Thanks. The king does not know about the dragons. They'd be served up on the royal dinner table!

Comment by

Jannypan (Jan)

Premier Author

Premier Reader

Poet Rating

Rank: 2

Author Rating For Short Works

Rank: 45

Author Rating For Novels

Review Stars

Rank: 9

#2 Ranked Poet

Excellent

You did a good job adding some interesting storylines to your story, Cindy. I enjoyed reading this chapter. I'm glad that the visitors seemed satisfied for now about Aaron. The two newest dragons have a cute name--dragoyles. Thanks for sharing. Respectfully with Love, Jan

Comment Written 21-Oct-2019

reply by the author on 21-Oct-2019

Thanks. The two new ones should be a lot of fun.

-1- 2 Next Page

Market your book.
Advertising options.

Life is a Dream
Rhyming poetry contest entry

Follow @FanStory

Status

Contests

Writing Classes

Rank

Recommended

Categories

Write