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Reviews from
Pushed Too Far


Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Unexpected Surprise"

Shocking news sends Jeremy over the edge.

  11 total reviews 
Comment by
KatyM
 
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So much for Barry's plan. lol
I saw two typos. Too tired to copy and paste them though. The first one is the line in the first sentence describing what is going on. The sentence ends with unexp.....
The other typo has Rachel's name with 2 l's at the end. Otherwise, really good chapter. Guess I need to get to sleep it's past 2 in the morning.
Later, katy


 Comment Written 31-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 31-Oct-2019
    Thank you so much for staying up so late to read my chapters. Your dedication means the world to me. Thank you for catching my mistakes. The first one took me a bit to figure out. I was looking in the descriptive part of the story and not the one-sentence description. When I found it it was like well, duh, lol.
    I hope you were able to get some rest.
    Thank you again for all your help, support and friendship. It means the world to me, take care.
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
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  Rank:  176
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  Rank:  40
 

#3 Ranked Novelist
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi Mist, here is a six because you've really come a long way. Now, there was something I didn't understand, at all and that was about the ketchup. How the heck did that fit in? If it is a metaphor it has to read as such. Something down the line: it looked as if somebody had emptied a carton full of burst ketchup bottles. Just an example, of course. It has to be written in your words. All the best. Ulla:)))


 Comment Written 27-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 27-Oct-2019
    Thank you so much for your wonderful six-star and your wonderful praise I am honored.
    I've reworded the ketchup part, I do hope it helps. Please let me know what you think.
    In the very beginning where I described the night, I added: Bullets continue to fly from the restaurant door. Then at the ketchup part I reworded it to; Joe flashes the light behind her to find the red liquid is from discarded ketchup packets. A follow-up from a paragraph before it which reads: He discovers a puddle of red liquid oozing from underneath her when he gets closer. Does that make more sense or does it make it worse? Please let me know.
    Thank you again for all your help, support, encouragement, and friendship. It means the world to me, take care.
Comment by
dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Keep right on
writing on
 
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A very well written and interesting chapter, my friend. There is a lot going on here and it keeps the reader interested. Nice writing, my friend~Debbie


 Comment Written 26-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 26-Oct-2019
    Thank you so much for your great review, I'm so glad you enjoyed it.
    Thank you again for reading my chapter, it's always appreciated, take care.
Comment by
Robert Zimmerman
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This is an interesting story line because I have never read of anyone delivering a baby at the crime scene. The ketchup packs on the ground confused me and there was a father child reunion. That's a lot to happen at one time. Robert


 Comment Written 26-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 26-Oct-2019
    Thank you so much for your kind review. I didn't want the hostage situation to be a cliche. I'm sorry that the ketchup packet confused you. I was thinking along the lines of Joe saw reddish liquid since the only light was a street light it fooled him and he panicked. Maybe I should clarify. Thanks for pointing that out. Phylis does this to me too. Points something out and somewhere in the middle of my reasoning, I see what she means.
    Thank you again for your great review, all your help, support, and friendship. It means a lot to me, take care.

reply by the author on 26-Oct-2019
    This is what I've added to the very beginning. The streetlight Scarcely illuminates the area around them. Then when Joe finds the ketchup packets I added. oozing across the ground. Will that help?
Comment by
Liz O'Neill
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  Rank:  302 (+17)
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  Rank:  40
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  Rank:  85
 
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The ketchup packets, so great. You, as usual, had the reader going. You are such a good writer with how you twist and turn the reader's mind. This one could end in a good loud gasp & guffaw. You raise a good debatable issue. Should parents tell their child they are their parents? If they don't, it usually comes out in some messy way as it did here. The ending is very suspenseful. The readers will definitely be back.


 Comment Written 26-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 26-Oct-2019
    Thank you so much for all your wonderful praise. I'm so glad you're enjoying this story. Barry and Madeline thought they were doing what was best, but it came back to bite them in the end. Poor Jeremy feels like he's been betrayed by the person he loves the most.
    Thank you again for such a warm review, all your encouragement, help, support and friendship. It means the world to me, take care.
Comment by
Cindy Warren
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You had me worried there for a bit. I thought Rachel was dead. She's just keeping everybody busy for a while. I wonder if Barry's plan will work. I don't think Jeff is convinced he made friends with Jeremy.


 Comment Written 26-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 26-Oct-2019
    Thank you so much for your thoughtful review. Leave it to Rachel, to add a little drama to an already nerve-wracking scene Yeah, Jeff didn't seem to take the bait. Of course, Jeremy knocking him down didn't help. Barry's plan has worked so far, let's hope it holds out.
    Thank you again for all your help, support, and friendship. It means a lot to me, take care.
Comment by
Alcreator Litt Dear
 
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 Rank:  10
 
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Fantastic! Unexpected surprise, so mystic and thrilling with good movement and plot development for pleasant thematic maturation, very metaphoric and special use of cruisers; well said, well done.


 Comment Written 26-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 26-Oct-2019
    Thank you so much for such an encouraging review. I am so glad you enjoyed it. You never know what you're going to find when you read one of my chapters, this time it was a birth, lol.
    Thank you again for reading my chapter. Your review is always greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment by
Ricky1024
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  Rank:  398
 
Excellent
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"Unexpected Surprise"
Was well written and rich in Theme and Imagery.
It read well and Flowed well with no Grammar Issues as well.
...
Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024


 Comment Written 26-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 26-Oct-2019
    Thank you so much for such an encouraging review, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. You probably hadn't thought you'd be reading about a birth. I do hope that was a pleasant surprise.
    Thank you again, for your warm review, It means a lot to me, take care.
Comment by
Gert sherwood
 
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  Rank:  30
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 Rank:  62
 
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Hello Mistydawn
anther well written chapter to what is going on. I find that your writing (in my view) is very good of how you are keeping your chacters interesting, and I like the dialogue.

Only one thing is why don't you talk more Rachel having her baby.
Gert


 Comment Written 25-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 26-Oct-2019
    Thank you so much for your encouraging review. I wanted to, but the chapter was already very long over 1700 words. I'll bring Rachel and the birth up in the next chapter just for you.
    Thank you again for all your help, support, and friendship. It always means the world to me.

reply by Gert sherwood on 26-Oct-2019

    Hello Mistydawn
    You are so welcome.
    Gert
Comment by
2014 Novelist and 2016 Short Works Writer Of The Year
Phyllis Stewart
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Wow, sure a lot of action. Jeff will buy the nightmare story, but what plan are they supposed to stick to? I guess I'll have to wait to find out what Barry has in mind. Cool having Rachel give birth right there! :)

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.


 Comment Written 25-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 26-Oct-2019
    Thank you so much for reading my chapter. I'm glad you liked all the action and the birth. I like to throw a wrench in the works now and then, keep everyone pleasantly surprised. The plan has to do with Jeff hitting Tony and the evidence left in the trunk. I'll spoil the next chapter if I say any more.
    Thank you again for all your help, support, and friendship. It always means a lot to me, take care.
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