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Reviews from
The Loss of One Arm


An oldie renovated with the addition of three verses

  19 total reviews 
Comment by
Susan X Smith
MS, MBA
Retired from Gov't
 
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  Rank:  112
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  Rank:  61
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  Rank:  71
 
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I found this poem to be very engaging and universal in its content. The rhythm and rhyme scheme work well together. You might consider adding a piece of Fan Art.


 Comment Written 28-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
    Being on fanstory is a challenge for me. I'm not all that computer literate. I must learn how to do that. Thank you for reviewing my work. I appreciate your comment

reply by Susan X Smith on 28-Oct-2019
    Right above title you will see "Image (Recommended) Underneath that there is a choice to "Select from Fan Art" which I normally use. The second option is to select a picture from your own computer. I recommend that you select from Fan Art by clicking that. Then you search using a keyword and scroll through the vast array of pictures until you find what you want. Just click "select" to the right of that picture. You could still do it now by clicking "edit" on your post. Good luck.
Comment by
Lobber
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Hi Bob,
Well you have a very engaging poems. It appears that you and your poems just get better with age. Your right, it reads as true. Bravo - Lobber


 Comment Written 28-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
    Thanks Lobber. I guess improvement is the one positive of aging. I really appreciate your stopping by and offering comment. Have a great day
Comment by
Eve Lovell
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Hello Bob, interesting that you came across this poem and were able to finish it. I did enjoy the nostalgic feel to your words and I only noticed one small error.

An old diary it told the lad's story,

I think there needs to be a comma after 'diary', or the choice I would make would be to remove the word 'it'.

Thanks for sharing your poetry, which I would recommend to other readers for review, cheers, Eve.


 Comment Written 28-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
    Thank you Eve. I've added the comma, and it does read better. Thank you for the suggestion. I really appreciate constructive criticism and I thank you for it. Delighted to know you enjoyed it.
Comment by
__Lou__
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Hi Rob,

Firstly, what a great premise to write on, true or not it was a very endearing read. Sometimes I found sentences a little jarring, just because of the way you chose to rhyme things but one I got used to it, it flowed nicely. I'm not sure if you want feedback or not so you can choose to ignore what I write next.
"His colleagues watched" - I would suggest changing 'colleagues' to 'brothers' as, in war, you don't really say my 'colleagues in arms' you say 'brother in arms' you become brothers and sisters so I think that would fit better.

"still a boy from the farm" - I think you should change 'a' to 'the' as you mention he is from a farm earlier so 'the' links it back and assures the reader it is the same boy from the same farm.

That's really the only issues I had with it. I really like the repetition of losing one arm, I thought that worked nicely. Good work.

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 Comment Written 28-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
    Lou, I always want feedback, especially when it is so positive and constructive that's why I'm on fanstory. I've adopted the two changes you suggest. Thank you again.

reply by __Lou__ on 28-Oct-2019
    I'm glad I could help.
Comment by
royowen
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It's good to see you in the saddle Bob. I like your poem, would be good written and presented around, although I think Americans think they were the only ones there, so we're a little outnumbered. Excellent work Bob, I've missed your work Bob. This is a nice, smooth and well written Bob, in pentametric stanzas and abcb rhyming, Roy


 Comment Written 28-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
    Thank you Roy. The past six weeks have been difficult, Jeanette's mother passed away a couple of days ago from cancer. She goes to God next Friday. So if you can spare one, it would be gratefully received. Thank you for the most complimentary review.

reply by royowen on 28-Oct-2019
    Of course my friend, I am delighted to provide that honour, bless and may God provide His comfort and hope. Roy
Comment by
2019 Poet of the Year
Dolly'sPoems
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Of course the First World War included battle on the fields and close combat meant many were maimed and lost limbs through bombs and some were also blinded by the gasses. At least this man survived, many did not return, you gave him a good attitude in your story here, love Dolly x


 Comment Written 28-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
    Thank you Dolly for your kind words
Comment by
JudyE
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It may not be true as you know it but I'm sure there are many stories with outcomes very close to what you've written. My uncle fought in WWI, was shell-shocked and came back with the most terrible stutter. Soldiers give such a lot for their country. I'm glad you shared this with us.


 Comment Written 28-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
    I believe there are thousands of stories out there about heroic deeds we'll never know about.
Comment by
QC Poet
 
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Thank you for your Service and Sacrifice, My grandson is in USAF over 5yrs now. I'm a disabled Aeroscpace Worker and Quality Assurance Manager, Double amputee (L hand, Rt. Fingertips) with a recent Kidney transplant,
Blessings.


 Comment Written 28-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
    I didn't serve, luckily I missed the ballot for conscription. I do however salute all those who did sacrifice and serve.
Comment by
dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Keep right on
writing on
 
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Old cars. old men and older memories (period here should be a comma)

An old diary it told the lad's story ( change 'it' to 'that')

And if pushed all he'll say is; "Twas nothing, (T'was)

I well written poem about a brave young man who lost his arm in the war. So many come back with life-changing injuries. Thanks for sharing this, my friend~Debbie

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 Comment Written 28-Oct-2019



reply by the author on 28-Oct-2019
    Thank you Debbie. Your reviews are always spot on. I appreciate your highlighting those errors. I've made the changes.
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