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Reviews from
Yesterdreams


on whittling down the dreams of youth

  21 total reviews 
Comment by
MissMerri
Merri, Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  20 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  161
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
A marvelous sonnet that is sure to resonate with every reader. What writer has not dreamed the giant dreams in youth and learned in later life, to appreciate the one that came true. Such a romantic love story told so eloquently. Best wishes in the contest. I sense a winner here.


 Comment Written 30-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 02-Jan-2020
    Thanks Miss Merri - for the review and the sixer - Happy New Year!
Comment by
Mabaker
 
Review Stars
 
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Ah, that was beautiful. You know poetry lends itself to heartstrings much easier the prose. It says it better.
Seeing as how I can't judge poetry, I'll give you a six. Sincerely Anne


 Comment Written 22-Nov-2019



reply by the author on 25-Nov-2019
    Thank you kindly for the review and the six, Anne.
Comment by
2018 Poet of the Year
Gloria ....
2014 - #365 Poet of the Year
2014 - #56 Author of the Year
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  14
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  24
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Well this is just a fantastic sonnet, Mark. Each stanza developing into the inevitable one and only spectacular now, the she of your dreams.

Superb iambic pentametre and natural rhymes and a top-notch sonnet.

Best of luck to you with the Committee. :)

Gloria


 Comment Written 20-Nov-2019



reply by the author on 21-Nov-2019
    Thanks so much Gloria. A six from Fanstory's premier poet - I'm flattered!
Comment by
Katherine M. Kean
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  144
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  22
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  48
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  54
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
when I read the title I thought, but how sad to lose dreams as one grows older, and why whittle them down anyway? but the poem is well-crafted, leading to a perfectly balanced love with age. Congratulations.


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2019



reply by the author on 21-Nov-2019
    Thanks Katherine.
Comment by
Janice Canerdy
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  16
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  14
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This sonnet is excellent in all respects. It vividly describes how the speaker's thoughts mature with time, leading to the best life for him. The rhyming and metrical patterns are sustained throughout.


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2019



reply by the author on 22-Nov-2019
    Thanks Janice.
Comment by
Warren Rodgers
Level 2 Pro
Fanstory Recognized Writer
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  185
Review Stars
  Rank:  399
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hi Mark,
Now that's a wonderful sonnet to read, love the subject matter, its a unique subject to write in a sonnet and I love that! You've done a great job with the meter and rhymes, It reads very smoothly and takes me back to my younger years. You had me on line 1 " dreamt I had Clemente's arm back then" ...I remember him, one of the best ever who died in a tragic plane crash... The great Stevie Wonder, McCartney, Steinbeck! Then you turn it into a love poem for your one and only! Outstanding! I hope the judging goes your way because I just love this poem. Good luck! Bravo!
All the best,
Rodger



 Comment Written 19-Nov-2019



reply by the author on 22-Nov-2019
    Thanks so much for the wonderful review and the generous rating. I was a die-hard Cub fan as a child, but, in spite of the fact that he killed us whenever we played the Pirates,I loved Roberto Clemente - such an exciting player to watch.
Comment by
rama devi
May All Beings Be Happy
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  52
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  109
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Eloquent and romantic. Wonderful sonnet, my friend. The wisdom of age in youth...how wonderful that would be!

Outstanding sonnet composition style with an effective volta and a dramatic flair in your closing couplet.

Flawless meter. I did stumble on one line until I realized I was reading the syllables for Clemente wrong.

Love the references here:

McCartney's voice perhaps, or Steinbeck's pen,

SO WELL VOICED:

When buds of spring bloomed forth in polychrome,
I dreamt with all the colors known to life.
Each house I saw, imagined as a home,
Each girl I met, imagined as a wife.

One spag suggestion to add two commas in this stanza:

But flowers wilt and verdant leaves turn brown(,)
As nights grow bold and chase away the sun.
Thus(,) possibilities are whittled down,
From infinite to few -- from few to one. GREAT LINE.


Sweet and satisfying closing. Touching. I suggest a colon instead of semicolon (optional--not a correction):

A thousand dreams I had. Just one came true;(:)
The only one I needed -- that was you.

This should do well in the contest.

Warm Smiles,
rd

PS reviewing here only rarely...glad I stumbled onto this!


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2019



reply by the author on 22-Nov-2019
    Always good to hear from you, Rama. Thanks so much for the great review and the punctuation suggestions (which I have implemented). I hope all is well with you.

reply by rama devi on 22-Nov-2019
    Thanks, Mark. All is well. Hope the same for you! Glad you found the suggestions helpful. Best,
    rd
Comment by
royowen
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  1
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  
 
 Rank:  1
 

#1 Ranked Poet!

#1 Ranked Reviewer!
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I think you're nicely written sonnet work could apply to me Mark, my hopes, aspirations and dreams are whittled down to those generous parameters offered to my grandchildren, in which all my aspirations and hope for them, but like my children, they will be filled with God's love, He is enough. A beautifully written Sonnet Mark, not your usual literary fare, but a darn good one, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2019



reply by the author on 22-Nov-2019
    Thanks, Roy. I think I may have mentioned that, among my aspirations when I was younger was becoming a priest - a noble calling for many, but I can't imagine my life without the vocation that is being a husband and father - best way I know of to channel God's love.

reply by royowen on 22-Nov-2019
    Husband and father is a noble aspirations. As God said, ?Man is not meant to be alone,? Paul did it by choice, Peter was married, I?m sure the others were too.? Bless, all Christians are Priests and Kings unto the most high God.
Comment by
Gert sherwood
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  31
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  50
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hello Mark Valentine
I read your sonnet which brought tears as I was reading from your hopeful dreams never came true.

Then a wonderful feeling came to me with a smile came, when I read your excellent couplet of how only One dream came true.

Gert


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2019



reply by the author on 19-Nov-2019
    Thanks, Gert. I am certainly glad that the one dream did come true.

reply by Gert sherwood on 19-Nov-2019

    Hello
    Mark Valentine you are welcome
    Gert
Comment by
RodG
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  64
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  44
Review Stars
  Rank:  73
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Oh, I like this sonnet,Mark. What male in his youth did not have such dreams as the Speaker here? And did not most of them wilt or die? But his whittled down to one--the woman in his life. A beautiful closing couplet that brought tears to my eyes as I am about to celebrate my 50th anniversary. Flawless meter and well-chosen rhymes. Splendid! Rod


 Comment Written 19-Nov-2019



reply by the author on 19-Nov-2019
    Thanks for the review and the six, but more importantly, congratulations on 50 years of marriage!! (my wife and I just celebrated our 25th - mere rookies by your standards).

reply by RodG on 19-Nov-2019
    A great poem I?ve just reread. Rod
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