Firstly, the rhythm of this is kind of jarring just because of the placement of words, it doesn't flow very smoothly as it might if you had ended the second line at 'truly' (ignoring syllables for a second). Paying attention to rhythm is really important in these short poems, and you must also be mindful of pauses between sentences. Being able to find the appropriate words that also fit into the desired syllable count and manage to keep the rhythm is one of the harder things with short poems like this.
I think this is a good entry and has a good chance of placing simply because of the subject matter. I do feel you need to put a comma after 'eternal' though (love eternal, for we are...etc). Good luck in the competition!
Comment Written 27-Nov-2019
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2019
Thank you! I have fixed the mistake. You can check it out again. I'm happy that you enjoyed my poem!
Nicely done. The 10 words is a challenge I am sure, but you mastered it here. I love the picture, but the printing was a little hard for me. The colour didn't work well with my glasses. Maybe it is just me. Good luck in the contest. You did a nice job.