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Reviews from
What The Blind Girl Saw


Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "What The Blind Girl Saw #30"

Murder mystery with many twists and turns.

  22 total reviews 
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A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review.


 Comment Written 07-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 07-Jan-2020
    Thank you very much, dear committee. I am deeply honored. You all have been so incredibly kind and generous to me.
    Sending you my best today as always,
    Sally Law :))
Comment by
LeannaP
 
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Today, a man stepped forward to give sworn testimony of his involvement in the murder of my uncle,"

This was my favorite line. I thought your paragraphs ran smoothly throughout which made it a very easy read.
You have captivated me with your writing.
LOVELY POST!
Leanna


 Comment Written 11-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 12-Dec-2019
    Thank you, Leanna. Your review is so kind and honoring. I appreciate you stopping by my pages! Sending you my best today as always,
    Sally xo

reply by LeannaP on 12-Dec-2019
    Your welcome
Comment by
poetwatch
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The trial moves forward smoothly, everything seems to point to a guilty verdict, but why do I have a feeling that there is a loose end that will unravel and the not guilty verdict will resound in the courtroom. Sally you write a very good story. It keeps me guessing.


 Comment Written 11-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 12-Dec-2019
    I'm glad you were able to catch this. Just in time! I appreciate the kind review and encouraging words.
    Sending you my best today as always,
    Sally xo
Comment by
Spangle
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This is another fascinating chapter. Your talent with details really elevates your stories. I am enjoying this book very much. Hope you are having a wonderful Christmas season! xo


 Comment Written 10-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 12-Dec-2019
    Thank you, Janet dear. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. A long chapter while I battled the flu.
    Sending you my best today as always,
    Sally xoxo
Comment by
A. Willow Bends
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Wendy
 
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Ouch! Out of sixes, but I see we are still to continue! This is rolling . . . and rolling well. I love it. Might I be correct that some of this is part of your true ancestry? Just curious. Keep it coming. FANTASTIC.
Wendy


 Comment Written 10-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 12-Dec-2019
    I receive all virtual sixes! You spent the majority of them on me, anyway. How could I possibly complain? An adording five from my dear Wendy!
    Sending you my best today as always,
    Sally xoxo
Comment by
lyenochka
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I'm glad that you were able to retell the story in parts including the murder and how Savard saw you and King on the day of the murder. It's good that he decided to testify even though it must have been unnerving to have him there. Happy for Havila and Leo to bring a baby together and have their love expressed.
I wonder how Andre learned of your connection to his sister who had moved to Switzerland.


 Comment Written 10-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 12-Dec-2019
    Thank you so much for the excellent review and comments, dear Helen. It is always so appreciated.
    Sending you my best today as always,
    Sally xoxo
Comment by
Mistydawn
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This is a very well-written , interesting chapter start to finish. I love how you wrote about the procedure in the beginning gave us an overview before getting to the story. Your court room drama is spot on, I felt like I was there. The baby's birth is very heartfelt, emotional. Great job.


 Comment Written 10-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 10-Dec-2019
    Thank you so much for the excellent review and kind compliments, Mksty. This was a long one as I am coming to the conclusion of my first novella. I'm so pleased ok enjoyed this chapter.
    Sending you my best today as always, and blessings to you and yours at Christmas,
    Sally xo
Comment by
tfawcus
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This is an intriguing trial and murder mystery. It is a powerful and well-constructed piece of writing. The courtroom procedure is well handled. I'm afraid I haven't been following the story so am not really in a position to comment on the plot. The dialogue in this part is strong and helps to throw light on the various characters involved.

I have a few suggestions which you might like to consider.
There are several places where your comma use is weak. A cut-and-paste into Word would help you to consider where revision might be necessary. One common example is your use with a conjunction. If the conjunction joins two main clauses that could stand alone, then a comma is needed, otherwise not. e.g. 'She sincerely didn't know and made me painfully sorry for asking' but 'She sincerely didn't know, and I felt painfully sorry for asking.

Generally, where you have used a semi-colon, a comma or a period would have been better. More often, it can just be omitted e.g.1. I sat down with Savard; and he told me he had taken the pink diamond [either replace with a comma or split into two sentences] e.g.2. I tangled with this man in the ladies' washroom earlier in the trial(;) and, according to my husband, Jackson ... e.g.3. . I don't think he saw me(;) but, if he did, he knew I had nothing to do with Andre Dupree's murder. e.g.4. ... most likely portrayed to Charles one way(;) but(,) once inside the house ...

I found the use of 'to issue' odd in this sentence: 'The widowed Jewess was soon to issue another child'. We talk about 'the issue' of a liaison, but 'to issue' sounds a bit bureaucratic!

Spelling: The entire courtroom errupted [erupted]

These are minor blemishes in what is otherwise a strong and interesting piece of writing that holds your reader's attention.

I like the way you phrase your writing and the way you vary your sentence length, using short, dramatic sentences on occasion. You also have some very apt descriptions. For example, I liked the description 'love's tears' in 'Leo wiped away love's tears before she could see.'

I enjoyed reading this chapter and hope that you find at least some parts of the review useful.



 Comment Written 10-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 10-Dec-2019
    Thank you so much, Tony. I appreciate the excellent review and sage advice. I made the suggested changes and appreciate your kind way of critiquing. It means the world to me. I use a notebook writer on my iPad Pro with blind helps. I have a new keyboard that I'm struggling with, and voice-over text that's not always accurate, but, it is what it is. My 'copy editor's' are close to me and here on FanStory. Walkerman, Judy E, Y. M. Roger, Alex Rosel, Jannypan, and Roy, usually pick up on spags and offer critiques. Now, I have your valuable reply and it's so appreciated. Thank you, again, Tony.
    Sending you my best today as always,
    Sally xo
Comment by
Robert Zimmerman
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#9 Ranked Author
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Hello Sally. As I read along, I was attempting to decide if Mr. Bellamy and his testimony would be an irony or a dichotomy. This seems to be the most significant testimony in the trial thus far. His words are certainly interesting. Still Reading. :) Z


 Comment Written 09-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 10-Dec-2019
    Thank you so much for the excellent review and comments, Z. I am blessed to have your kindness and readership. Sending you my best today as always,
    Sally :))
Comment by
Y. M. Roger
FantasyGirl
 
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#5 Ranked Author

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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Yeah, and there comes the objection and for the 'conscience thing' to be stricken from the record as hearsay or opinion... ;) :) But the great thing about comments such as that: they may be stricken from the official record, but the jury heard it and they are human.... there's no 'unhearing' things! ;) :) :) A wonderful addition and 'almost conclusion' to our story... love the hints from the past as to the future for the newborn girl as well as your more detailed and 'personal' intro -- wonderful!! ;) :) Bring on the next one!! ;) :) Yvette


 Comment Written 09-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 10-Dec-2019
    Thank you so much for the marvelous review and detailed feedback. I'm seeing stars galore and so blessed by you, Yvette. Yes, we are near the end and I may hold off to Jan 2nd for the finale and epilogue. We'll see. I so appreciate your generous review and constant encouragement in all that I write. It's huge.
    Sending you my best today as always,
    Sally xoxo
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