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Reviews from
Scene at a Christmas Shop 9 CC

a one scene script

  12 total reviews 
Comment by
sunnilicious
 
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Oh my goodness, you're writing a script like novel installments. Well, that was a bright idea. Well thought out. Clearly written with creative details. Red is a rather blunt young person. Distinguishable characters. Good luck on your script.


 Comment Written 19-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 19-Dec-2019
    Thank you, Sunnilicious
Comment by
Y. M. Roger
FantasyGirl
 
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  Rank:  5
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  Rank:  9
 

#8 Ranked Author

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Love that the vision is adults dressed as kids! ;) :) :) So, Red is just an awful excuse for a human being and perfectly good waste of oxygen... sigh. Don't know where this one's going, Bill, but I hope we get there soon.... don't have much more patience for Red's crap! ;) :) Thanx for sharing! ;) Yvette


 Comment Written 09-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 09-Dec-2019
    Red is a short-timer.

reply by Y. M. Roger on 09-Dec-2019
    Hope you don't think I was upset here, Bill.... just re-read my comment and I don't want you to think that... :P :P
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
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Hi Bill. This play is turning quite violent. Red is a nasty piece of a person. I know I have fallen behind but I've been busy with visitors from Denmark.
I do hope we'll return to the funny stuff which you're so good at. All the best. Ulla:))


 Comment Written 08-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
    I?m making sure everyone hates Red, as his future looks bleak.

reply by Ulla on 08-Dec-2019
    Ah. OK
Comment by
2016 and 2018 Script Write Of The Year
judiverse
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#5 Ranked Author

#1 Ranked Script Writer!
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Red is a hopeless case. Childhood bullies like him can do lasting damage to the ones they belittle, like Red did at the playground. Pons shows that he's willing to stick up for the underdog. This is getting darker and darker. Hope things will get back to the usual fun-loving stuff. judi


 Comment Written 08-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
    I?m deciding Red?s fate right now. He is destined to be handed over to Pez for disposal as his future fate. OR. It may not be too late for him to change.

reply by judiverse on 08-Dec-2019
    I don't think he deserves any mercy. How big an apology can Red make? judi

reply by the author on 08-Dec-2019
    I wrote him to be hated by one and all with no redeeming qualities. This is the point where grace is bestowed on both the righteous and unrighteousness. From that point I need to make a decision on Red.

reply by judiverse on 08-Dec-2019
    Sometimes the characters let you know what they want to happen. judi
Comment by
nomi338
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Man, talk about losers. I think when they passed out compassion, Red must have run in the opposite direction. Red may have once had a heart, but if he did it must have run away to protect itself from having to commit suicide.


 Comment Written 07-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
    Red is ready to die, but we might have to save him.
Comment by
nancy_e_davis
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Red's a complete bully, a narcissist,a psychopath! He has no empathy at all for his fellow man. He is going to find himself in big trouble if he doesn't see the error of his ways. Well done, Bill. Nancy:)


 Comment Written 07-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
    Red's future on the planet is in question.
Comment by
sandramitchell
Level 1 Pro
Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
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#1 Ranked Novelist!
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Nasty little toerag! I'd like to punch Red on the nose! I can't see him changing into a sweet man with lots of love and friendship in his heart. But, you never know. I liked this part, Bill, bring on the next! :)) 1sandra xx


 Comment Written 07-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
    Thanks, Sandra. This is dark so we really hate Red.

reply by sandramitchell on 07-Dec-2019
    I do, that's for sure!! :))
Comment by
Mistydawn
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What a scene. It was harsh but realistic. What you'd expect a bully like Ned to do. That explains why Ned is the way he is. It doesn't seem like the realization affected Red a bit. I'm beginning to think he's a narcissist, a psychopath. No empathy at all. It made me fill sorry for Ned, dislike Red even more. Very well-written, Your great dialogue brought them to life even more.


 Comment Written 07-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
    Thank you, MD. I'm afraid I've gone a bit dark for readers who enjoy Ned's light-weight humor. I promise to bring a big finish.
Comment by
Mystic Angel 7777
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This episode was rather dark losing quite a bit of the Christmas glitter as it progressed. The piece is technically sound and flows script format well. The characters are certainly attacking the story with a 'no holds barred' attitude. Well done and thank you very much for sharing it.


 Comment Written 07-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
    I am still debating, but wanted Red to appear nonredeemable. Complaints about the darkness are noted and I hope that makes the finale better.
Comment by
2018 Poet of the Year
Gloria ....
2014 - #365 Poet of the Year
2014 - #56 Author of the Year
 
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  Rank:  14
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  Rank:  25
 
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Sadly I haven't kept up with this, Bill, but this has some real depth to it. Red seems like a bit of a scrooge. He knows how to deliver some good zingers. The idea of them being in a play-park is perfect to create a sense of nihilism.

Whoa powerful impact here.

One small typo:

Red steps away from DED and appoaches (approaches) the others.

Gloria


 Comment Written 07-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 07-Dec-2019
    Thanks, Gloria. Yes, I?ve taken this theme a bit far into the weeds for followers of Pons and Ned. I?ll have to perform a Christmas miracle and bring the lightheartedness back.
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