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Reviews from
The Battle Begins


the enemy attacks

  15 total reviews 
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  71
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  85
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  2
Review Stars
  Rank:  45
 

#2 Ranked Novelist
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Hi Cindy, as you know, Dragon stories and fantasy stories are really not my thing, but you've drawn me in because it's very well written. I can't even begin to guess what is to happen next. Kind regards, Ulla:)))


 Comment Written 01-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 01-Jan-2020
    Thanks. If I was able to draw in someone who is not into this sort of thing, I must have done something right. There are still a few surprises in store.
Comment by
Sharon Haiste
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  Rank:  60
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  Rank:  17
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  Rank:  47
 
Excellent
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I think this is a well written Dragon vs Man story.
Well told and interesting throughout.
I'm looking forward to reading more of this.
Happy New Year.
Sharon


 Comment Written 01-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 01-Jan-2020
    Thanks. I'm so glad you're enjoying my story.
Comment by
2007 & 2008 Short Work Writer Of The Year
Janilou
Level 2 Pro
Jan Anderegg
Author of Julu
 
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  Rank:  22
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  Rank:  275
 
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I do love dragons and dragon stories! Fascinating tale here. I read through and didn't see any errors. It feels as though it is part of a bigger/longer story. This left me wondering why they are under attack and who is attacking them!
Thanks for sharing this.
All the best,
Jan


 Comment Written 31-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 31-Dec-2019
    Thanks. It is part of a book. I bought a book balloon for it in case anyone wants to catch up.
Comment by
Brett Matthew West
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  Rank:  79
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  Rank:  38
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  Rank:  207
 
Excellent
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Having dragons on the battlefield would be a big advantage. Intense chapter and descriptively written. Well developed characters. The use of the trebuchet adds another dimension to the story.


 Comment Written 31-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 31-Dec-2019
    Thanks. I'm so glad you liked this chapter.
Comment by
susand3022
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  Rank:  29
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  Rank:  23
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  Rank:  32
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  Rank:  8
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  Rank:  17
 

#8 Ranked Script Writer
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Hi Cindy, This is a pretty cool story. I can't help but feel as if I'm coming into something that's been started already. Or is it its own story? In the beginning, I saw it for its own story... but by the end, I had to wonder. I like a story with a lot of fantasy. Dragons are always cool! :)


 Comment Written 31-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 31-Dec-2019
    Thanks. Glad you liked the story. It's part of a book. I bought a book balloon for it in case anyone wants to catch up. Other chapters are paying.
Comment by
Ricky1024
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  Rank:  205
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  Rank:  129
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  Rank:  15
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Review Stars
  Rank:  176
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I gave this 6 * 3 cuz it was very well-constructed whole medieval thing.
The final battle with boiling the seas and then trenching the enemies seem to satisfied anybody's lust for victory!
Thanks,
Ricky


 Comment Written 30-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
    Thanks for the six! I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter.
Comment by
2014 Novelist and 2016 Short Works Writer Of The Year
Phyllis Stewart
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Good episode. They defeated the attackers thanks to the magic of the dragons. They brought a useless trebuchet to a battlefield and the dragons quickly showed them it was a bad idea. I don't think the attackers had any dragons of their own.


 Comment Written 30-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
    Thanks. I don't think anybody else has dragons. It was definitely a bad idea to fire a big load of rocks, but they couldn't have known that. The trebuchet would have worked if not for the Dragoyles.
Comment by
tfawcus
Level 1 Pro
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  Rank:  25
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  Rank:  9
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  Rank:  51
 

#9 Ranked Novelist
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Another riveting chapter. The realism of your description of the trebuchet makes a good counterbalance to the fanciful magic of the dragons. The enemy is not easily daunted and this adds to the tension.

I have a couple of suggestions on comma and hyphen use, and I noticed one or two missing words:

Aaron recalled Pink and Black(,) since the illusion was not working.

A flaming sixty(-)foot pine appeared in the sky over their heads. They looked up at it(,) and guessed it couldn't be real.

The branches that landed were much smaller(,) but just as hot

It can be adjusted (to) throw one big rock(,) or a whole pile of small ones."

The rock turned in mid(-)air and struck the ground in the opposite direction with a thud.

The rest turned(,) and flew back the way they had come. Fortunately, the men had been warned(,)and were able to get behind trees or shields, whooping with excitement.

The treb is usually used to smash through a gate(,) or something that isn't going to move.

When they got a bit of a surprise, they decided to use it to gain enough ground (to) get to us.

You won't find yourself a better teacher(,) if that's what you want.


 Comment Written 30-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
    Thanks. I'll have to go through it and add those commas. Glad you enjoyed it.

reply by tfawcus on 30-Dec-2019
    I think that in almost all cases it?s a matter of removing them.

reply by the author on 30-Dec-2019
    I'll go through it again
Comment by
Jannypan (Jan)
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  5
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  Rank:  26
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Review Stars
  Rank:  6
 

#5 Ranked Poet
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This is a great chapter, Cindy. You described the battle and its aftermath well. I'm glad the dragons were able to remain safe and the men. I thought the witch might have helped, too. This chapter was intense. I'm looking forward to the next one. Thanks for sharing. Respectfully with Love, Jan


 Comment Written 29-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 29-Dec-2019
    Thanks, Jan. Yes, she may have helped in some way. Glad you enjoyed.
Comment by
Sandra Ludwick
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Thank you for sharing your thoughts through your story. It was very creative and I enjoyed reading it. Your characters were developed well. You put the reader right in the story through your words. Nicely done.


 Comment Written 29-Dec-2019



reply by the author on 29-Dec-2019
    Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.
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