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5-7-5 Poetry Contest
Deadline: Jun 8th

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5-7-5 Poem

  16 total reviews 
Comment by
CrystieCookie999
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  59 (+2)
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  Rank:  33
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  Rank:  7
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  Rank:  37
 

#7 Ranked Script Writer
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This looks like it would be an appealing 5-7-5 for younger readers to contemplate, too. I like the art choice, suggesting that the bird would like to get out but has learned to stay in the confines of the mind's cage. The line drawing helps show the black confusion that might even exist in feeling trapped all the time. I like the 'f' alliteration of 'frets,' 'flimsy,' and 'free.' Good luck in the contest!


 Comment Written 14-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
    Thanks for the thoughtful reading of my wee poem and the great review.

    Steve
Comment by
Therese Caron
Premier Author
 
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  Rank:  95
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I think this is a very well written 5-6-5 poem. The long caged bird could probably escape due to his flimsy bars, but the writer will not because he or she does not really want to escape. Or he or she knows it will be a futile attempt and they will once again be put in the cage. This is like a lot of relationships. Good poem, great image for this poem, and good luck in the contest!


 Comment Written 13-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
    Thanks, Therese.

    Not only are the bars flimsy, but in the picture, the door is open! So, yes, this is a comment on how we may seem trapped, but really we only lack the will to escape - for a multitude of reasons.

    Steve

reply by Therese Caron on 15-Jan-2020
    Very true and so well written.
Comment by
w.j.debi
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Sometimes the cage is of our own making. Sometimes it is something out of our control. After a while, it doesn't matter how flimsy the bars are. We resign ourselves to our fate because it is what we are used to, even though it might be possible to break free.
This is an excellent 5-7-5


 Comment Written 13-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
    Thanks for the great review. yes, that is exactly the point I wanted to make.

    Steve
Comment by
2019 Poet of the Year
Dolly'sPoems
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Sometimes we have to accept our fate and this is what people do who live in communist regimes, they just live with it as there is no escape, they will never be free men, a poignant write, love Dolly x


 Comment Written 13-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
    Thanks, Dolly.

    Yes, there may be many reasons why we choose not to escape.

    Steve
Comment by
juliaSjames
 
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Well written as always, Steve. The caged bird is an iconic symbol thanks to Maya Angelou. Your write is thought provoking. Maybe it's not an exact analogy, large birds like parrots are always bursting out of their cages so owners clip their wings. But it's a dramatic and powerful poem about the way we curtail our freedom.

I particularly like your turning the final defiant shout in its head. "I will not burst free" would probably go viral if you were into social media.

Happy New Year. Best of luck in the contest.

Blessings Julia


 Comment Written 13-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
    Thanks, Julia. Of course I had Angelou's poem in my head - although I was careful not to have my bird singing!

    This is a kind of opposite to Dylan Thomas's 'Rage, rage ...'

    Steve

reply by juliaSjames on 14-Jan-2020
    I suppose it is. Hadn't thought of that.
Comment by
Sandra du Plessis
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  Rank:  7
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 Rank:  5
 

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A very well-written 5-7-5 poem about someone getting used to the abusive behaviour of a partner that you start feeling safe inside the relationship and don't want to break free.


 Comment Written 13-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
    Thanks, Sandra.

    Many people are trapped by their own circumstances and having an abusive partner is certainly one of them.

    Steve
Comment by
lauralumummu
 
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  Rank:  217
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  Rank:  217
 
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A well-crafted, haiku 5-7-5. The picture is a great choice as well. I feel sorry for the caged bird and person. Interesting entry for the contest. All the best Laura.


 Comment Written 13-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 14-Jan-2020
    Laura, many thanks for reviewing my little poem.

    Steve
Comment by
Joan E.
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 Rank:  21
 
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What an intriguing illustration that parallels your words so well! I admired your thought-provoking observation in this 5-7-5 and your use of alliteration to intensify the message. Best wishes in the competition- Joan


 Comment Written 12-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
    Thanks, Joan. Glad you liked this. The pic was just a happy find after I had completed the poem.

    Steve

reply by Joan E. on 13-Jan-2020
    Here's to continued "happy" finds! Cheers- Joan
Comment by
Sasha
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Sasha
 
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  Rank:  29
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 Rank:  299
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is a brilliantly written 5-7-5 and a superb entry for this contest. I am impressed with your ability say something so powerful with so few words. I sincerely wish you all the best in this contest.


 Comment Written 12-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
    Sasha, thanks so much for the positive review and the array of glittering stars. It's not easy to say a lot in 17 syllables, but I try!
Comment by
rama devi
May All Beings Be Happy
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  73
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  150
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Very sad. Dramatic. Potent. Masterfully crafted with outstanding word economy and alliteration and phonics in general, especially the F, S & B sounds. I read these two lines aloud thrice:


frets against his flimsy bars,

I will not burst free.


Excellent presentation too.

Great to see you posting when I am reviewing. Great job! Good luck.

Warmly, rd


 Comment Written 12-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 13-Jan-2020
    Thanks, Rama. The muse is back for the new year. Let's hope it's not just a fleeting visit!

    Great to see your POM win, as well!

    Steve

reply by rama devi on 14-Jan-2020
    Thanks a lot! :-))) That was a first.
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