A Beauty's Form
A Bellean Sonnet (read notes)
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Reviews from
The Man and the Sea


an adjective-free story in the style of Hemingway

  6 total reviews 
Comment by
LaFrance
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  Rank:  428
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Excellent story. I love the cleanness of your writing, you gave great descript details that made the story fun to read and easy to visualize. Love the ending.


 Comment Written 16-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 17-Jan-2020
    Thanks for the review and the generous rating,
Comment by
phill doran
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  Rank:  125
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hello Anon
I take off my hat to you. This is a very funny, very accurate tribute to Hemingway - part homage, part sacrilege. Short stubby sentences, short stubby man-words: brilliant, but finding a union between Sharknado and A Farewell to Arms, well, that is just an act of cruel genius.
I am sure 'heavy' is used as an adverb here and as such, you have met the contest brief and so I see no reason why you should not do well with this clever-clever entry.
And 1954 was not only before the revolution, it was, of course, also before Doris Day became a virgin, so it all makes sense.

This is a cut above the rest.

I wish you well

cheers
phill


 Comment Written 15-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 15-Jan-2020
    So great to see this review - I'm afraid the parody aspect of this story will be lost on those unfamiliar with Hemingway. Thanks so much for the kind words and generous rating.
Comment by
giraffmang
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2018 2nd for short works
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  Rank:  134
 
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Hi there,

The style is down. Bare bones and all that.

Death hung heavy in the air. - hate to break it to you but I'm pretty sure 'heavy' is an adjective...

he met a woman that looked like Doris Day - maybe use who rather than that.


 Comment Written 15-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 15-Jan-2020
    Thanks so much for the review, and for the catch on the "that" where there should have been a "who". As for "heavy", while it's generally an adjective, it can also, according to the dictionary, be an adverb (as in "the events of the last few days weighed heavy on his mind"). Here it modifies a verb ("hung").

reply by giraffmang on 17-Jan-2020
    Apologies, I completely misread the opening line.

reply by the author on 17-Jan-2020
    No problem
Comment by
Y. M. Roger
FantasyGirl
 
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  Rank:  3
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  Rank:  3
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  Rank:  18
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  Rank:  1
 

#3 Ranked Author

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Excellent
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LOL!! Oh, yes, this is a PERFECT offering for the contest... in the vein of Hemingway, perhaps, but also with a nice 'slap' at the end! ;) Thanx so much for sharing and best of luck at the polls! ;)


 Comment Written 14-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 15-Jan-2020
    Thanks - I'm glad you got the Hemingway parody aspect of this one.
Comment by
2007 & 2008 Short Work Writer Of The Year
Janilou
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Jan Anderegg
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  Rank:  10
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  Rank:  120
 

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It's an interesting story and the ending was unexpected! I went to visit Hemingway's house when I visited Key West last year. It was an eye-opening and fascinating tour.
I didn't find any errors or edits needed.
All the best,
Jan


 Comment Written 14-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 15-Jan-2020
    I'll bet the Hemingway tour was very cool - thanks for the review.
Comment by
Sharon Haiste
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  Rank:  41 (+4)
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  Rank:  7
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  Rank:  6
 

#7 Ranked Author
Excellent
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I think this is a good entry for the No Adjectives Allowed contest.
This story of a man believing he is goin to die, has a twist of irony.
Well done and I wish you luck with the contest.
Sharon


 Comment Written 14-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 15-Jan-2020
    Thanks for the review and the good wishes.
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