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Reviews from
Tang


Others recognize exceptional talent.

  3 total reviews 
Comment by
Shirley McLain
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  77
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  136 (+2)
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  35
Review Stars
  Rank:  326
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I absolutely love this story and the moral it is teaching. The storyline is excellent and the characters fit that story. The dialogue was realistic. You did a great job. Deserves the 6 stars.


 Comment Written 27-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 28-Jan-2020
    Thank you for the review and the six stars.
Comment by
papa55mike
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  140 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  17
Review Stars
  Rank:  118
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
We all have special gifts unique to ourselves. What a wonderfully written story and I love the picture.

Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike


 Comment Written 27-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 28-Jan-2020
    Thank you for the review and the six stars.
Comment by
giraffmang
Level 3 Pro
2018 2nd for short works
2017 Author of the year
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  244
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  21
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  275
 
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi there,

I liked the premise here and the overall piece but there are a few things which may lift the reader out of it a little.

The cry pierced the stillness of the forest and caused Tang's heart to pulsate in his chest. Wrenching his head left and right looking for danger, he saw nothing. Bongo whimpered and licked at his hind leg. A steel trap seized Bongo's hind leg- I have to say that this lifted me out of my belief suspension. Firstly, if a steel trap had caught Bongo, he'd be writhing in agony. He's a wolf, not a bear, pretty thin legs. Secondly, how bad would Tang's eyes have to be to not see it if Bongo is in front of him. it would be pretty obvious.

They both alerted at the sound of footsteps.- this feels a little off. I think it's the both alerted, doesn't feel quite right.

They both alerted at the sound of footsteps. A hunter approached stopping just out of reach of his prey. Shouldering his rifle, he aimed toward Bongo's head.- again this doesn't ring true. Bongo is caught in a trap. ie not going anywhere. However, there's another able-bodied wolf free right there. That's where the weapon should be aimed. I know you say the bunter didn't see him then but he'd certainly have been on the lookout given he's likely to know wolves hunt in packs.

he howled, "Hoooowwwww.- the dialogue is unnecessary but if you're going to keep it, you need closing speech mark.

All the best
GMG


 Comment Written 27-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 28-Jan-2020
    Thank you for the review and the suggestions.
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