Hard-Boiled Times
layiing it straight
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Reviews from
Empty Nesting


a message to our grown children

  27 total reviews 
Comment by
rama devi
May All Beings Be Happy
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  53
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  114
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Ha ha ha. This is a great limerick--bawdy and witty. Well rhymed. I love the inventive rhyme pair of boredom and UM! And the other rhymes are great too.

It flows well. I think your choice for minimal punctuation is fine, though I would likely have included periods at the end of each sentence. Or using caps only on the beginning of sentences would also suffice. When all lines start with a cap and there are no periods, readers have to think about the form and flow. With either or both of the above, they would not.

The cleverness and originality plus musicality and rhymes all nudge this to a six, in spite of my not being a huge fan of limericks. This made me chuckle.

Well done!

Good luck!

Warmly,
rd


 Comment Written 16-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 16-Mar-2020
    Thank you Rama. Unfortunately Covid-19 has brought an end to our empty nesting as our children's universities have shut down and so they're back under our roof.

reply by rama devi on 16-Mar-2020
    At least you get quality time with them. Life as we know it may drastically change with this. Stay safe!
Comment by
kiwigirl2821
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  Rank:  191
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  Rank:  324
 
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Hi Mark. Funny indeed! It has a wee bit of bawdy element to it but, with such delicate nuisance about the structure. Good for you. I'd say this one has a real chance. Good luck. xoxo Kiwi


 Comment Written 06-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020
    Thanks Kiwi. It was fun to write, as limericks tend to be.
Comment by
LoannaLois
Lois Beery
Loanna
 
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Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
I just wrote a paragraph which was erased when I dropped my phone, ha ha
So happy to see your wonderful talent in this perfect limerick. Perfect rhythm about which I am such a fan. I hope to start writing again to stay busy!!


 Comment Written 01-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
    So great to hear from you! How've you been? I just got back from Washington DC where I was visiting one of the birds that has left the nest and inspired this limerick. Can't wait to see you writing again soon!
Comment by
giraffmang
Level 3 Pro
2018 2nd for short works
2017 Author of the year
 
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  Rank:  255 (+1)
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  Rank:  24
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  Rank:  300
 
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Hi Mark,

This is a very nice limerick. I like the fact you kept the vein of 'naughty' humour through it. My folks stopped going to New Year's Eve parties after they had me - 3 September births may have been the tell-tale signs! lol

Nice one
G


 Comment Written 01-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
    Thanks. I can relate - my birthday is October 1 and my dad fessed up that New's Years' Eve debauchery was responsible for my coming to be.
Comment by
Mabaker
 
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Great Mark as usual, I actually know of such a case, they called it a 'change of life' baby.
Ah, well call it what you like this little ditty was a fun piece.
Sincerely Anne


 Comment Written 31-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
    Thanks Anne. Luckily, in our case, the surprise package is purely fictional.
Comment by
susand3022
Premier Author
 
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  Rank:  48
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  Rank:  49
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  Rank:  11
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Well, so goes it!!! So many people that should be empty nesting are finding that they aren't... and not necessarily by choice either. Kids come home from their junior or senior year of high school pregnant and when their parents want them to make something of themselves, they often become the parents to their grandchildren.


 Comment Written 31-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
    Luckily, in our case the surprise package is fictional. Thanks for the review.
Comment by
robyn corum
Word Twister
Story Catcher
 
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  Rank:  15
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  Rank:  13
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 Rank:  16
 
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Mark,

hahahahahaha! That's okay. I'm sure your kids won't mind. A new baby will be fun and the idea of their parents doing... you know... what it takes to get one of those won't gross them out at ALL, I'm sure. I mean, they're all practically grown-ups, right? They understand the birds and the bees. They love you both. There is no way on earth they will disown the two of you. Nah. Not a chance.

Good luck with this. hehehe


 Comment Written 30-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 04-Feb-2020
    Thanks Robyn. It looks like two of the birds will be returning (temporarily) to the nest come May after they graduate, so no need for a baby (yet).

reply by robyn corum on 04-Feb-2020
    Mark,

    I tend to be so obnoxious with you. I hope you always forgive me. ??

reply by the author on 04-Feb-2020
    Of course - you're like a sister, and sisters are supposed to be obnoxious

reply by robyn corum on 04-Feb-2020
    perfect analogy!!! I feel all better!

    BTW, I threw your naked mole rat out with the trash. Hope that okay?
Comment by
Raffaelina Lowcock
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  Rank:  47
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  Rank:  46
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  Rank:  43
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  Rank:  21
 
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Wonderful. So succinct. Surprise, surprise! What a lovely way to fill the house again. A brand new family. This really is a heartfelt message. I love it.


 Comment Written 30-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 04-Feb-2020
    Thanks - I couldn't pass up a limerick contest that was in honor of Phyllis.
Comment by
Shirley McLain
Premier Author
 
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  Rank:  70
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  Rank:  118
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  Rank:  37
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  Rank:  120
 
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Love it! Nothing like surprise poetry. You told a story of unexpected surprises for both the parent and the adult child. Your words portrayed the emotion well. Great job. Shirley


 Comment Written 30-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 04-Feb-2020
    Thanks - one of my goals with limericks is to be slightly naughty without crossing a line. Hopefully this one managed that.
Comment by
zanya
Premier Author
 
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  Rank:  92
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  Rank:  64
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  Rank:  57
 
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Ha, ha a nice touch of levity added here to the somewhat weighty matter of 'empty nesting'- joie de vivre rediscovered - and a great visual to accompany


 Comment Written 30-Jan-2020



reply by the author on 04-Feb-2020
    Thanks - one of my goals with limericks is to be slightly naughty without crossing a line. Hopefully this one managed that.
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