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Reviews from
I fell on my sword


and what happened next

  7 total reviews 
Comment by
Bicpen
 
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
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Its concept and idea are good with a strong understanding however the word choice could be improved and made more secure which would enhance the flow and bring more poignant reason and discovery to the piece ... must try harder !


 Comment Written 04-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 04-Feb-2020
    Many thanks and yes I get it on this one, a rather spontaneous poem which I could have worked at. Cheers

reply by Bicpen on 04-Feb-2020
    glad you can see the picture lol ...
Comment by
Pantygynt
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  Rank:  65
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  Rank:  4
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Review Stars
  Rank:  28
 

#4 Ranked Novelist
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wouldn't it be great if death was always like that 'there was no pain and my wings then grew'. I suppose it is really because the pain stops once we are dead. it is not death I fear but the business of dying.

A couple of points: there is a typo in your title, which reads 'I feel on my sword' and ithink you mean it to be like the first line, I fell. In the last line 'his' refering to God's by convention should also be capitalised as 'His'.


 Comment Written 04-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 04-Feb-2020
    Cheers Jim , I had already made the changes except for His. Many thanks Colin
Comment by
susand3022
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  Rank:  29
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  Rank:  23 (+3)
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  Rank:  32
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  Rank:  8
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  Rank:  16
 

#8 Ranked Script Writer
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hey Colin, I expect you'll get your share of 'capitalize the Him and His' in reference to God so I won't bother... I'm going to give you a six for letting me gaze on that sexy bastard in the uniform with the hot, smoldering look in his eyes.... if that doesn't say, "Come hither..." well, I don't know what does! (I should have done this review on my phone so I could make a bunch of silly emoji faces like the ones with hearts coming out of my eyes, or batting my eyelashes... lol) :) xxx


 Comment Written 03-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
    Ha ha Susan you make me blush, not really lol, this was a few years ago now 15 I think,but I have not changed a bit lol. Thanx for the naughty review lol. Cheers Colin xx
    oh and the stars xx and yes got a few changes to make lol

reply by susand3022 on 05-Feb-2020
    Still got those smokin' eyes, don't you, Luv! ;)
Comment by
Elizabeth Emerald
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  Rank:  6
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  Rank:  5
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  Rank:  21
 

#6 Ranked Author

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Typos: (Title) Feel s/b Fell. Too Heaven s/b to Heaven...Gods behest s/b God's behest.(I don't take off for typos, just pointing them out.) I like the fresh twist on "be his guest" and the literal use of fell on my sword. Cheers. LIZ


 Comment Written 03-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
    Thanks Liz and comments appreciated. Cheers Colin
Comment by
Jeffrey L. Michaux
Jeff Michaux
Williamsburg
 
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  Rank:  26
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  Rank:  26
 
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I like this Colin. In the heat of battle and its conclusion, at least their was a happy ending. Also, it sounds like you died almost instantly. It doesn't sound like you were in pain anyway. Thanks for sharing this inspirational and well written work. Well done!


 Comment Written 03-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
    Cheers Jeffrey, yes no pain lol. Cheers Colin
Comment by
Raffaelina Lowcock
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  Rank:  53
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  Rank:  48
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Very good! A pleasant ending to a nasty story. You use the words we all hope will happen. The meeting again of all those friends and relatives we are missing.

NB: title "Fell"


 Comment Written 03-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
    Ha ha, thanks Raffaelina, just a quick one, but loved it in the end. Cheers Colin
Comment by
lyenochka
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  4
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  Rank:  2
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  Rank:  3
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  Rank:  2
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  Rank:  4
 

#2 Ranked Author

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Excellent
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Interesting poem, well rhymed. But I'm saddened that these soldiers thought they were fighting per God's command. Christ's command was to love each other even our enemies. Hard to do during war. I understand the Old Testament wars metaphorically to fight against evil especially those forces that incite wars.

Your title has "feel" instead of "fell."
"our joy to be rising, too Heaven we then pressed, (to)
we had fought many battles at our Gods behest (God's)


 Comment Written 03-Feb-2020



reply by the author on 03-Feb-2020
    Thanks Helen and changed to fell previously and will change the others,well two lol. Cheers Colin
    I was thinking about knights in Armour but used this picture.

reply by lyenochka on 03-Feb-2020
    I imagined Crusaders.
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