Your poem fits the syllable count, but for me the 'poetry' aspect is missing. Your words are totally dependent on the image plus your note beneath about losing the RK poem. I've never seen it or read it until your 5-7-5 drew my attention to it. I have certainly read other things by Kipling.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2020
Hi , it does not have to rhyme as a 5-7-5 , a title is part of it and it is obvious what it means
reply by LisaMay on 11-Feb-2020
I have no expectation of rhyming to make a poem. I am suggesting that what is obvious to an author is not always obvious to a reader. And what is obvious does not always make for interesting poetry.