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9 total reviews
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Comment by | | Premier Author | | | Premier Reader | | | Poet Rating
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 Rank: 130 | | | |
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Comment by | | Premier Author | | | | | Poet Rating
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Rank: 98 | | | |
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You went through a terrible ordeal with the mental illness and sudden death of your sister-in-law, and I admire your courage in writing about it. Personally I don't believe you did anything wrong. You were there for Meena more times than you could possibly count, over the years, and her needs were endless, as long as she lived.
The unfortunate woman gave herself so much stress through her own mood swings, plus the long-term destructive effects of high blood sugar on her heart likely weakened her and led to the sudden cardiac arrest.
By answering your greeting of "Happy New Year!" as she did, Meena betrayed both the anger and bitterness in her soul. True, she was in both physical and emotional distress, but it wasn't your fault; you did nothing to cause it.
When she first mentioned that she was having a "stroke," she may not have been having any symptoms at all. It could easily have been more of the same fear, anxiety and hypochondria.
Cardiac arrest is a different event. The blood stops pumping: full stop. She could have easily worked herself into a frenzy that triggered her heart to go into fibrillation, skip beats or whatever made it stop. When a person's heart stops pumping blood, they need immediate attention, and a defibrillator. Chances are, she wouldn't have been able to speak on the phone -- or shout.
You might want to talk to a doctor to verify what I'm saying here, but in my family, we have lost people due to both heart problems and stroke related problems.
I saw what you wrote, that you're sorry about typos etc. That's not a big deal, but I've listed some corrections for you, in case you want them, for your amazing story, which is also both poignant and heartbreaking. If you want to input these corrections, maybe you can do it little by little, if it's too much; or not at all... you have really been through a lot.
In the title: New Year's Day
She was a classic case of hypochondriac .She
-->
She was a classic case of a hypochondriac. She
ischemic heart disease ( a word she learned and used right, left and centre ever since her husband passed away due to renal failure.)We
-->
ischemic heart disease (a word she learned and used right, left and centre ever since her husband passed away due to renal failure.) We
the doctor would pronounce her fit . -->
the doctor would pronounce her fit.
But on 30th -->
But on the 30th
She asked me ,"Did you make Carrot Halwa"? -->
She asked me, "Did you make Carrot Halwa?"
"Yes", I said -->
"Yes," I said.
"Where is my share"? -->
"Where is my share?"
"Your share"? You are not supposed to eat sweets. Your sugar levels are high". -->
"'Your share?' You are not supposed to eat sweets. Your sugar levels are high."
"Then go and buy some from your sweet shop.It is -->
"Then go and buy some from your sweet shop. It is
"I don't want to hear all that. You better send me my share" -->
"I don't want to hear all that. You better send me my share."
"What do you think I am, Hanuman?" You think I can jump from my terrace to your terrace?"
-->
"What do you think I am, Hanuman? You think I can jump from my terrace to your terrace?"
I put the phone down .
I put the phone down.
On 31st she called me
-->
On the 31st she called me
with a juicy gossip -->
with juicy gossip
her New Year Eve plans
-->
her New Year's Eve plans
I worried . -->
I worried.
the telephone rang .I saw her -->
the telephone rang. I saw her
Happy New Year !" I said cheerfully. -->
Happy New Year!" I said cheerfully.
your new year", -->
your new year,"
usual drama". -->
usual drama."
"Look Meena,if you are really having a stroke, would you be able to shout like this? I tried to reason with her. -->
"Look Meena, if you are really having a stroke, would you be able to shout like this?" I tried to reason with her.
"Come immediately and take me to the hospital"
-->
"Come immediately and take me to the hospital!"
(exclamation point or period)
"Calm down", I said. " I will talk to her. -->
"Calm down," I said. "I will talk to her.
An hour later I rang her landline to talk to her daughter.It went unanswered.Then -->
An hour later I rang her landline to talk to her daughter. It went unanswered. Then
her daughter picked up and said '"Aunty I am in the hospital. I will ring you back." -->
her daughter picked up and said, "Aunty I am in the hospital. I will ring you back."
Fifteen minutes later she called 'Amma is gone aunty, she is gone' she sobbed. -->
Fifteen minutes later she called. "Amma is gone Aunty, she is gone," she sobbed.
(remove stray period after paragraph)
She suffered a massive cardiac arrest.To hell
-->
She suffered a massive cardiac arrest. To hell
her exit too was dramatic.. (if you are trying to use ellipsis points here for effect... you need three; if not, use a single period followed by a space)
"You are my Guardian Angel", she used to tell me often ."You are my pillar upon which I lean".
-->
"You are my Guardian Angel," she used to tell me often. "You are my pillar upon which I lean."
Would it have made any difference?. -->
Would it have made any difference?
I miss her ; --> I miss her;
I need a release.I hope by writing about it will help. -->
I need a release. I hope writing about it will help.
~~~
Try to stay strong, my friend. You really were Meena's Guardian Angel, but no one is perfect, and she tested your patience, even beyond your limits. You gave her a lot of help for a very long time, and you were even patient with her that last day. May Meena rest in peace with God. May she find relief from her struggles and worries.
I don't think you could have stopped her death. Only God knows, but I really doubt it was within your power. Meena could have also called 911 herself.
Her daughter needs to find her own peace with what happened; her mother wasn't an easy person to be there for, and she did finally go to her. Be gentle with her; I am sure you will. My heart goes out to you and your family. God bless you!
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Comment Written 12-Feb-2020 |
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reply by the author on 12-Feb-2020
Thank you very much for understanding and giving me six in spite of the typos. I tried to rectify some.I just wanted to get it out of my chest.Yes we are helping her daughter. She is holding a very respo sible position. Next week I am going to go through her personal things. Her daughter wants me to do that .I am dreading it.But it has to be done .She was a huge hoarder of clothes .They will have to go to charity.
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reply by Mary Kay Bonfante on 12-Feb-2020
Sanku, I am so glad that you were able to share your story and get it off your chest. It is healthy for you, body, mind and soul. It's a blessing that the family is pulling together, helping her daughter. Donating the clothing is best and will help a lot of people. It won't be easy but it will turn out to be a blessing. "Be strong and very courageous," as God said in Deuteronomy. Be blessed, Sanku.
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Comment by | | FantasyGirl | | | | | Poet Rating
Rank: 20 | Author Rating For Short Works
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Rank: 19 | | | |
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Losing someone who had played such a large role in our lives - no matter how that role played out - is always difficult. I hope your writing was somehow cathartic and you can find peace this Spring... :) Thanx for sharing and best of luck in the contest! ;)
new, her calls. --> new, hearing from her. [you're modifying 'It']
Twice a day I got them and since I was her sounding board, she either unleashed --> Twice a day, she would call as I was her sounding board. She would unleash [sentence is run-on and needs to be broken up]
expectations or If she was in the upswing stage of her bipolar existence she would wax --> expectations. Or, if she was in the upswing stage of her bipolar existence, she would wax
Or in saner moments she would --> In saner moments she would
hypochondriac .She was --> hypochondriac. She was
failure.)We used --> failure). We used
the time and the doctor --> the time, and the doctor
But on 30th I had too --> But, on the 30th, I had too
the house. She asked --> the house. [new paragraph here] She asked
"Yes", I said --> "Yes," I said. [IMPORTANT NOTE: throughout your entire offering, all end quotations should be inside the quotation marks]
sweet shop.It is --> sweet shop. It is
My 86 year old mother --> My eighty-six year old mother
I am, Hanuman?" You think --> I am, Hanuman? You think
On 31st she called --> On the 31st, she called
happened and she laughed and regaled me with a juicy gossip, and talked about her New Year Eve --> happened, and she laughed and regaled me with juicy gossip, talking about her New Year's Eve
In fact she laughed too much and I was --> In fact, she laughed too much, and I was
On 1st January morning the telephone rang .I saw her --> On the morning of January first, the telephone rang. I saw her
like this? I tried --> like this?" I tried
later I rang her landline to talk to her daughter.It went unanswered.Then I rang her mobile and --> later, I rang her landline to talk to her daughter. It went unanswered. Then I rang her mobile, and
she called 'Amma is gone aunty, she is gone' she sobbed. --> she called. [new paragraph here] "Amma is gone, Aunty. She is gone." she
sobbed.
she spoke to me she lay down on the couch and her daughter tried to coax her back to the bedroom. But there was no response. She immediately called --> she had spoken to me, she had lay down on the couch, and her daughter tried to coax her back to the bedroom. But there had been no response. Her daughter had immediately called
In life she was very theatrical and her exit too was dramatic..She --> In life, she was very theatrical, and her exit, too, was dramatic. She
I miss her ; miss her calls, though at times they --> I miss her. I miss her calls, though, at times, they
paralysing a part of my mind. I need a release.I hope --> paralyzing a part of it. I need a release. I hope
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Comment Written 12-Feb-2020 |
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reply by the author on 12-Feb-2020
Thank you very much for taking the trouble to point out the typos .I did try to rectify but at the moment cant bear to go thro that.
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Comment by | | . | | | . | | | Poet Rating
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Rank: 232 | | | |
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Hello Sanku
I am sorry for your loss. Hindsight can torment us because we cannot change the past. I am sure you are in grief, but we all know that we all die - you were not the agent of her passing, and you need to reflect on this. Life is your experience, and nothing you can do will un-happen what was, yet while you allow it to bear down on you, you may miss the life passing all around you. There are people around you to love you and be loved by you: it is they who need you now. Try to make peace with your grief and carry on your journey.
Writing for therapy is a very good step, but as you are entering a contest, you really do need to pay attention to the SPAG issues, and there are many;
expectations or If she (should be lower-case i: if)
to be taken for a check up (should be hyphenated (check-up)
disease ( a word (you have an extra space before the letter a)
due to renal failure.)We used (you are missing a space before the letter W)
to take her most of the time and the doctor would pronounce her fit . (extra space after teh word fit))
She asked me ,"Did you make Carrot Halwa"? (Extra space after the word 'me' and the question mark should be inside the inverted commas)
"Where is my share"? (again, the ? should be inside the inverted commas)
"Your share"? (ditto)
your sweet shop.It (space needed after full stop)
Anyway I have too much (comma missing after "Anyway")
My 86 year old ( should be expressed 86-year-old)
I put the phone down . (extra space after the word down)
regaled me with a juicy gossip, and (no comma is needed here)
soon, I worried . (extra space after teh word worried)
the telephone rang .I saw (extra space after the word rang)
"Hello Meena, Happy New Year !" (extra space after 'year')
"To hell with your new year" (I think this should be N Y i.e. New Year)
"Look Meena,if you (space missing after comma) are really having a stroke, would you be able to shout like this? (this should end in an inverted comma)
"Come immediately and take me to the hospital" (this should end with a full stop inside the inverted comma)
talk to her daughter.It went unanswered.Then (you are missing a space after each full stop)
I rang her mobile and her daughter picked up and said '"Aunty (you appear to have an extra, single inverted comma here)
called 'Amma is gone aunty, she is gone' (these should be double inverted commas)
a massive cardiac arrest.To hell with your (space after the full stop)
As soon as she spoke to (had spoken to me) me she lay
too was dramatic..She ( you have an extra full stop)
used to tell me often . (extra space after the word often)
have made any difference?. (full stop should be removed)
I miss her ; miss her calls (extra space after the first use of the word her)
a release.I hope by writing about it will help. (missing a space after the full stop)
These are easy to correct and once corrected I wish you well with your entry and your continued writing.
cheers
phill
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Comment Written 12-Feb-2020 |
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reply by the author on 12-Feb-2020
Thank you very much for taking the trouble to show me all the typos .Entering a contest is incidental. I was going to post this and i saw the contest. More people will read if it is a contest entry, so I think. I have noticed that here people dont read prose much .Thanks once again.
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Comment by | | Premier Author | | | Premier Reader | | | Poet Rating
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Rank: 188 | | | |
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