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Reviews from
Twenty


A teenage girl encounters two strangers on a lonely road

  4 total reviews 
Comment by
Mary Kay Bonfante
Premier Author
 
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  Rank:  83
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
What an inventive story! It's also very well written, and I didn't come across any errors.
I have also heard of the "radium girls," and it's an incredibly tragic part of our industrial history. I like the way you wove it into a science fiction story and gave this girl (and her deceased mother) superpowers.
I kind of wish you could have had Twenty disable the two agents and their vehicle, or knock each other out, rather than killing them off with two notches in her belt, but I guess she figured that once they were able to, they would continue searching for her and never leave her be.
All in all it is a very creative and fascinating story!


 Comment Written 19-Apr-2020


Comment by
Iza Deleanu
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  125 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  12
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  14
Script Rating
  Rank:  5
Review Stars
  Rank:  4
 

#5 Ranked Script Writer

#4 Ranked Reviewer
Excellent
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They say they want to help you," she was muttering under her breath, "Help themselves to you, that's what they really want to do" Wow this is quite a delightful prophecy. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.


 Comment Written 19-Apr-2020


Comment by
the13thpoet
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  Rank:  437
 
Excellent
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Hello Pit Viper, a wonderful Wednesday to you. I hope this finds you well. Thank you for sharing your story, I really liked it. It was a well-written, enjoyable read. I really enjoy young adult, sci-fi, and dystopian stories. Good job and good luck in the contest. You should really think of expanding this if you already haven't, I'm sure I would enjoy an entire novel with this character and storyline. Have a great day!


 Comment Written 19-Feb-2020


Comment by
Katherine M. Kean
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  127
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  42
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Review Stars
  Rank:  53
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This is superb. I really enjoyed it from beginning to end. The part I preferred, predictably perhaps, was the dramatic demonstration of Twenty's supernatural powers (no willpower these men, ha, ha). The part I had rather more problems with was the horrible experiences Twenty had in her care homes - I hope it's rare that things are that bad.
Do you think the transmission is sex-linked? or was that random just because your sample size was so small?


 Comment Written 18-Feb-2020


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