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Reviews from
Tangled Lives

Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Manipulation or Misplaced Love"

Movie Script

10 total reviews

Comment by

JudyE

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Rank: 134

Excellent

Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is starting off well. Already the watcher whill be looking for answers to questions. There are a few formatting issues but I guess that's because of the FS editing program.

Just a couple of suggestions but ignore any you don't agree with.

The jury is listening tentatively - I don't think 'tentatively' is quite the right word here. Maybe 'nervously'?

Judge pounds the gavel - should be 'pounds the table with the gavel'

Judge pounds the gavel - as above

Senator and bodyguards briskly walk towards the waiting car at the curb - I might have said 'briskly walk towards the car waiting at the curb'

There's no Knight on a white horse coming - lower case for 'knight'

Have a great day
Judy

Comment Written 04-Mar-2020

reply by the author on 04-Mar-2020

Yes, the fs editing is really driving me crazy (probably not a far drive though - lol). I appreciate your reading and for the suggestions. Haven't been back at the writing game for a long time so I am rusty. I hoipe you will continue to follow the script and to help me look better than I am. Have a wonderful day!

Comment by

estory

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north carolina

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Rank: 67

Excellent

I think it's realistic dialogue; we get the fear and frustration of Jenna, and the aloofness of the senator who seems to be resigned to this outcome of Jenna's guilt. In that conversation in the jail between Maggie and Jenna, we get a strong insinuation that this is a set up and we have the motivation for the senator to bump off his wife in that he has already married someone else, and also that he is running his family business. It's a bit obvious; you might want to complicate the perception of these things and throw in some different alternatives that make this a little more suspenseful and leave the path ahead more clouded. Also the courtroom scene jumped around a little, and I think it might be better to have some more going on there to pull our emotions in a couple of different directions. estory

Comment Written 03-Mar-2020

reply by the author on 04-Mar-2020

Thank you for reading and commenting on this section of my movie script. I appreciate your time and effort. As you continuing the following scenes the twists and turns get to be very interesting. Unfortunately with a movie script I am only allowed so many pages in order to keep it under a 2 hour movie....to me this limits just how much you can include. Guess that's why I've always written stories instead of scripts...But I thought I'd give it a go. Have a great day and thanks again.

Comment by

thaities, Rebecca V.

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Rank: 8

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Rank: 29

#8 Ranked Novelist

Excellent

I am so interested in courtroom drama.

I recently watched the entire trial of doctor and lawyer Martin MacNeill who killed his wife over a mistress. Was shocked to hear that he died in prison and his son overdosed and died.

I find your script just as exciting. Thanks so much.

Comment Written 03-Mar-2020

reply by the author on 03-Mar-2020

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your comments. I truly appreciate it. I just posted the continuing chapter and hope you can read and tell me what you thought as well. Have a fantastic day!

Comment by

the13thpoet

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Excellent

Hello Begin Again, a terrific Tuesday to you. I hope this finds you well. Thank you for sharing your script. It was well-written, descriptive, engaging and entertaining. It was also so true to life, good job. Have a great day!

Comment Written 03-Mar-2020

reply by the author on 03-Mar-2020

Thank you for such an uplifting beginning to my day. Your enthusiasm added a smile to my face. I appreciate your reading and enjoying the beginning of the movie script and hope that you will continue to follow it through. It's a new adventure to me and I would love to share it with you. Thanks again...Have a great day!

Comment by

BethShelby

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(+11)

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Rank: 13

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Rank: 13

Excellent

This is an excellent script. You're a good writer. This sounds like a great story and I can't wait to read more. Can't you add to scripts the way you do to books? I've never tried one but not that many people of doing scripts.

Comment Written 02-Mar-2020

reply by the author on 02-Mar-2020

Hi Beth...Thanks for the vote of confidence. I appreciate your reading and commenting on the script. It's my first real attempt at a movie script so I hope it goes well. And yes, I have entered it as a book but it's actually scenes in a script. Smiles and hugs! Oh yes, and I also started thinking about that biography of sorts....We will see how that goes.

Comment by

Iza Deleanu

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Rank: 111

(+2)

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Rank: 4

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Rank: 8

#4 Ranked Script Writer

Excellent

I think you are very good at this and I hope you continue with the script. I like the story and I am pretty sure you have a couple of surprises in your sleeve. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next scene

Comment Written 02-Mar-2020

reply by the author on 02-Mar-2020

Thank you for reading and for the generous comments. I have a twisted story line thought out so I believe it will continue. Thanks again!

Comment by

KyColonel Randal

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Excellent

Thank you for sharing this. I am interested to see how it all turns out. I will have to go back and read the previous chapters. I was thinking "Orange is the New Black," but honestly I haven't seen enough of that to know if it is an accurate comparison.

Comment Written 02-Mar-2020

reply by the author on 02-Mar-2020

Thank you for reading and commenting. I have just started this but the storyline is already planned out with many twists and turns. I hope you continue to follow and enjoy.

Comment by

Gert sherwood

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Rank: 80

Excellent

Hello Begin Again
I say you did well writing your script. In the past I was juror for several ? various trails. From what I just read, so far will be an very interesting trial.
Gert

Comment Written 02-Mar-2020

reply by the author on 02-Mar-2020

Thanks so much Gert. It's a complicated story as the title "Tangled Lives" portrays. Thank you for reading and commenting and I hope you will continue to follow. Have a great day!

reply by Gert sherwood on 02-Mar-2020

You are welcome Begin Again
Gert

Comment by

2020 Novelist of the Year

sandramitchell

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Sandra Mitchell

Sandra Stoner Mitc

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Excellent

You've certainly taken on a big project here, and it's really good. I could see it all so clearly. I've already decided the Senator murdered his wife to marry the next woman. lol. I'm really looking forward to the next part. I do believe that Jenna is innocent. Well done, a great start. :)) Sandra xxx

Comment Written 02-Mar-2020

reply by the author on 02-Mar-2020

Hi there, dear friend. I am so pleased you were the first to review my attempt at screen writing. The fact that you enjoyed it puts sweet icing on the cake. I hope you continue to enjoy it as my type of writing tends to take many twists as it moves forward. Have a great day!

Comment by

barbara.wilkey

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Rank: 7

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Rank: 36

barbara.wilkey Recommends:
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#7 Ranked Novelist

Excellent

I am guess this ex-senator had his wife killed and poor Jenna got trapped. I sure hope Maggie can help her get the strength she needs to come to her own defense. Thank you for sharing.

Comment Written 02-Mar-2020

reply by the author on 02-Mar-2020

Hi Barbara....Guess when you've been off the horse for awhile, one needs to dust off and write again. Never really attempted movie scripts but I guess just the set-up and lack of description (which I love to do) are the main differences. The story is still the story. Thanks for reading and for commenting. Have a great day!

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