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Reviews from
Tangled Lives


Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Climbing The Ladder To Success"

Movie Script

  8 total reviews 
Comment by
barbara.wilkey
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  Rank:  8
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 Rank:  40
 
barbara.wilkey Recommends:
Football Chapter 5 part 2
Mrs. Frost pays Katherine a visit.
Pays:10 points
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#8 Ranked Novelist
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I did enjoy reading.

.Jack walks around the car, helps Teri out of the car before offering her is arm. Jack speaks to Archie. (Not sure why it's starts with a period. A little too wordy, try - Jack walks around the car and helps Teri out before offering her is arm)

Michael, over here (period needed)

Teri approaches arm in arm with Phil
&
Colette trails behind them
&
Michael and Lola walk toward the car
&
Seething with anger, Teri starts to cry
&
She sobs into her hands (punctuation isn't old fashion)


 Comment Written 07-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 08-Mar-2020
    Thank so much for reading my script and for enjoying it. This is my first big attempt at writing a full movie script so I get rattled at times. I am glad you enjoyed the story and thanks for the grammer catches.
Comment by
JudyE
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  Rank:  33
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  Rank:  155
 
Excellent
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You are setting up the character traits well. Jack is obviously an unpleasant guy.

I picked up a few small points:

Jacks speaks to Archie. - should be 'Jack'

Arcjoe pulls up with a member's car - should be 'Archie'

Mr. and Mrs. Baldwin arewaiting for their car - two words 'are waiting'

The Bartender sits a drink in front of him - not sure about the capital for 'bartender'

Chuckling at her enthusiasm, Jack strollS over to her side - type - strolls

JACK:

Michael, may I have a word

with you before you leave. - does this need a question mark?

Your going to pay for your arrogance - should be 'you're'

Cheers
Judy


 Comment Written 05-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
    Oh my...My head really must have been fogged. I thought I even used the spell check and grammar but it appears I certainly did not. Thanks for taking the time to set me straight. Hope you enjoyed the story so far. Have a great day!

reply by JudyE on 06-Mar-2020
    It's easy to miss the small stuff in your own writing. And it gives nit-pickers something to nit-pick. lol
Comment by
sandramitchell
Level 1 Pro
Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
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  Rank:  103
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  Rank:  1
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 Rank:  22
 

#1 Ranked Novelist!
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That was excellent! I was there with poor Colette, that Phil really needs taking down a peg or ten! Lola is really nice, and she and Colette seem to be friends. Teri on the other hand, at first I didn't like her, but she is as trapped as Colette is in a marriage that it totally without love. The plot is coming on nicely, my friend. Well dona again! :)) Sandra xxx


 Comment Written 05-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
    I am glad that you can see the emotional baggage my characters are carrying and that you are enjoying the script. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. Smiles and hugs!
Comment by
BethShelby
Premier Author
 
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  Rank:  78
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  Rank:  34
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  Rank:  6
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  Rank:  20
 

#6 Ranked Novelist
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This is very good and I like the interaction between the various characters. It does sound as thought Jack is a user and he wife seems to be one of the people he uses. I'm enjoying your movie.


 Comment Written 04-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
    Thanks so much for reading and enjoying. I truly appreciate your comments and that you continue to follow the script. Have a great day!
Comment by
Y. M. Roger
FantasyGirl
 
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  Rank:  5
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  Rank:  9
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  Rank:  22
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  Rank:  7
 

#9 Ranked Author

#5 Ranked Poet
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Sooooo.... Jack is quite the controlling man, isn't he? Michael might do better at another company... :/ :/ There's a number of places throughout where your 'speaker' tags have migrated off to the left and need to be re-centered... ;) Thanx for sharing.... can't wait to see what he's got in store for Michael...


 Comment Written 04-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
    Thank you for reading and commenting. For some reason it appears perfect while I am editing and then it switches when I post. I've tried numerous times to correct it without any luck. I appreciate your thoughts and comments though. Have a great day!
Comment by
thaities, Rebecca V.
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  Rank:  7
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  Rank:  12
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  Rank:  12
 

#7 Ranked Author
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I read the fourth chapter before the third, but the fourth could have stood on it's own like this chapter three. This script gets better and better. Wonderful.


 Comment Written 04-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
    Thanks for making my day! The last couple of days haven't been good for me and I certainly made numerous mistakes in my posting. I appreciate that you still enjoyed the script. Smiles and hugs!

reply by thaities, Rebecca V. on 06-Mar-2020
    It was still riveting!
Comment by
GE Parson
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  Rank:  206
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  Rank:  191
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  Rank:  63
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  Rank:  13
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  Rank:  134
 
Excellent
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Really enjoying your scrip; also hvce learned how to write a scrip reading yours Looking forward to read the next instalment. -Parson


 Comment Written 04-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
    Thanks Parson..truly appreciate you taking the time to read and follow the script. Been under the weather a bit so I will try to post another chapter as soon as I can. Chap. 4 is posted and I am working on 5. Have a great day!
Comment by
the13thpoet
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  Rank:  99
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  Rank:  154
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  Rank:  95
 
Excellent
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Hello Begin Again, a wonderful Wednesday to you. I hope this finds you well. Thank you for more scenes from your script, it is well written and the characters are developed and intriguing. I look forward to reading more. Have a great day.


 Comment Written 04-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
    Aww...you are so kind! Thanks for reading and commenting. I am so pleased that you enjoy my writing and continue to follow. Have a great day!
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