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Reviews from
Tangled Lives


Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Behind the Scene Secrets"

Movie Script

  7 total reviews 
Comment by
barbara.wilkey
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
 
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  Rank:  8
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  39
 
barbara.wilkey Recommends:
Football Chapter 5 part 2
Mrs. Frost pays Katherine a visit.
Pays:10 points
10 member cents

 

#8 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is a good write but your spacing makes it very difficult to read.

No company tonight Sir? (I am guessing the same writing rules hold true for script. a comma is needed after tonight)

On it already Boss. (comma before Boss)

Lots of excitement down at the station.
Officer called in for back up
. Several squad cars and the ambulance (period should be after up, not before Several)


 Comment Written 07-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 08-Mar-2020
    Thanks again Barbara. Really appreciate you reading and staying with the script. I am having a devilish time with the editor and nothing goes where I put it. It appears right and then I save it and something totally different appears. Talked to Tom numerous times but no great help as yet.
Comment by
JudyE
Premier Author
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  Rank:  34
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Review Stars
  Rank:  155
 
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is moving along nicely and shows great promise. There are quite a few small spags but they don't detract from the content. I've giving four stars but will give five after some edits have been made.

Why you doin' this, Man? I'm just doin' a job. - lower case for 'man'

He keeps glancingnervously toward Hank - two words - glancing nervously

Hank lyells at him. - typo - 'yells'

Neither Hank or the Driver are moving. - should be 'Neither Hank nor the Driver..'

Neither Hank or the driver are moving. - as above

MIQUEL starts the van and races out of there - should you mention he does a U-turn or shifts the branches?

FRANKIE, what are you doing here? as it's not Frankie talking, 'FRANKIE' should be 'Frankie'

Brought a rose for you Babe. - comma after 'you'

Frankie planats a kiss on Mary Ellen's lips. - spelling - plants

Ramon needed back up. = hyphenate 'back-up'

What else did TOLLIVER say? - should be 'Tolliver'

FRankie looks at the rose - typo - Frankie

An ambulance speeds by, sirens blalring, - type - blaring

Also, where Frankie has the rose, the blue and black font colour needs checking.

Cheers
Judy


 Comment Written 05-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
    Thank you so much for your help. I have been under the weather and really shouldn't have been trying to write with this brain fog, but several asked for the next scenes and I attempted ...and failed. Appreciate you reading and for assisting me! Have a great day!
Comment by
sandramitchell
Level 1 Pro
Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  103
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  Rank:  1
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  22
 

#1 Ranked Novelist!
Excellent
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Well, that went well!! I don't think!! Poor Miguel is in for it now, a kid who really didn't want to do this is now up to his neck in trouble. You're doing so well with this script, I am there every step of the way. I can see the action going down, and the consequences. Well done, superb script writiing. :)) Sandra xxx


 Comment Written 05-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
    Thanks Sandra...Wasn't feeling up to bar so I did make mistakes but I am glad you enjoyed reading it anyways. Yes, Poor Miquel! Climbing the ladder backwards it seems. Smiles and hugs!
Comment by
BethShelby
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  78
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  34
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  6
Review Stars
  Rank:  20
 

#6 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
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You've introduced some new characters in these scenes and I was a little confused as to how they fit together in the overall plot. I see the valet, Archie is in both. I accidentally read this one first. Miquel seems to be caught up in something he does now how to handles


 Comment Written 04-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
    Archie is the valet, but he also is the connection between the city characters and the small town crooks. He relays the coded message in the glove compartment to Chandler is such a way no one picks up on it....just a guy having casual conversation about an accident down the road. Thanks for reading. Have a great day!
Comment by
Iza Deleanu
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  104
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  10
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  10
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  14
 

#10 Ranked Author

#10 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
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Sad ending for a pair of thieves with cohunes, but a good script that keeps the reader entertained and wanting to read some more. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next part.


 Comment Written 04-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
    Thanks so much for reading and commenting. I am pleased that you enjoyed this section of the script. I am happy you took the time to read and comment. Have a great day!
Comment by
the13thpoet
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  99
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  154
Review Stars
  Rank:  95
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hello again Begin Again, I hope your day is going well. I am enjoying your script, the way you go from scene to scene, makes me feel like I'm actually watching it as I read. Good job and have a good day!


 Comment Written 04-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
    Oh you made my day! Have been under the weather and it shows in my posting...errors galore, but you obviously still enjoyed it and that makes me very happy. Thanks for reading and finding interest in the script. Have a great day!
Comment by
thaities, Rebecca V.
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
 
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  Rank:  7
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  12
Review Stars
  Rank:  12
 

#7 Ranked Author
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Man, I would stay up all day to read more! Hurry with the next post. The characters seem real and the conversation is hot and moving fast. Great! I'm on pins and needles.


 Comment Written 04-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 06-Mar-2020
    Oh you make me so happy...Your comments inspire me to quickly add another chapter or two. So pleased that you are enjoying the story. Have a great day!

reply by thaities, Rebecca V. on 06-Mar-2020
    I'm waitin'!
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