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Reviews from
Molecules - Part 2 (of 4)


December

  14 total reviews 
Comment by
closetpoetjester
Metronomaniacal
Tendancies
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  119
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  371
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
LOL I'm sure we all know what it's like to be over served and then to promptly start running off at the mouth.
You have such a natural ability to tell and sell the story and I am envious of your talent. There is just no bloody point quoting my favourite bits or it would just be one big cut and paste job. Speaking of jobs...it seems your coming round on Ms CC inspite of the fact she DID appear to be an ungrateful cow over the damn coffee. You're right! She could have just said "Thanks, but you didn't need to bother". Then thrown it over her left shoulder when you weren't looking. For goodness sake, it's not that hard to work out.
Anyway, I have an enormous appreciation for caffein at the start, middle and finish of ANY day so I feel that you're a particularly thoughtful individual.
Speaking of feeling...I have another one and that is that she will completely sway you over to her side if she hasn't nearly already haha
To quote one of my firm favourites by way of writers:
"Yeah, I'm thinking that's a definite possibility."
Great work. Me like.
Cheers P


 Comment Written 20-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 21-Mar-2020
    Thanks so much for the great feedback. So my main character has crushes on girls who are out of his league, says stupid things when he has too much to drink, and gets ashes on Ash Wednesday as a way of saying "F You" to his co-workers, I may have drawn a bit from personal experience here,

    I always appreciate you feedback. I'm thinking about taking your suggestion and writing a McDonald's bag poem as sort of an urban version of your tumbleweed poem - any objections to that?

reply by closetpoetjester on 21-Mar-2020
    Go for it!!
Comment by
Pam (respa)
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  23
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  25
Review Stars
  Rank:  29
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
-This is a very good chapter, Mark, that shows
the impact of Dan having confronted Carie,
but first, he brings in a Christmas tree.
-I like his thoughts about that, especially
Michele Obama's quote.
-I do miss the Obamas!
-I also like how Dan reverses it going lower than low!
-The holiday party scene is written very well
with a lot of activity and dialogue.
-Of course, Dan is in rare form, and Carie
is the center of the conversation.
-When he calls out to Dr. J, that is pretty funny,
and I am sure he realizes Dan has had a few!
-Well done!


 Comment Written 17-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 18-Mar-2020
    Thanks - I always try to inject some humor into my non-humorous writes - thanks for noticing. I miss the Obamas too. Went for a walk by their house here in Chicago last week.

reply by Pam (respa) on 18-Mar-2020
    You are welcome. I usually note humor because I think it is important, and you do it well. How nice that you are close to where their house is. Have you ever stopped in?!
Comment by
Katherine M. Kean
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  144
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  22
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  48
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  54
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
I found that this piece only advanced slowly, and the characters were less solidly developed than the first episode. Having said that there were some wonderful pearls of writing nestling within the bulk. I could cite several of these, but the two I particularly liked were;

"What? I'm supposed to be grateful for something I didn't ask for and didn't want?"

My mouth has totally disengaged from my brain


 Comment Written 17-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 17-Mar-2020
    Thanks Katherine. This is easily the longest piece I've written on this site - it sort of got away from me - guess I was having too much fun. At any rate, thanks for sticking with it. I think my next one will be a 5-7-5.

reply by Katherine M. Kean on 17-Mar-2020
    sticking with it is not a problem. You had fun writing it and I am having fun reading it...
Comment by
Sally Law
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  28
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  6
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  9
Review Stars
  Rank:  15
 

#6 Ranked Author

#9 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Sorry, I don't know what happened here that I forgot to review this. I was called away on covert operations. Thanks for telling me what ABD is. I thought it stood for "always being detained."

I love the banter of the two brainyacks. This is so original and fun. I'm glad I cheated and read ahead. Ah... love.

Sending you my best today as always,
Sal xo




 Comment Written 17-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 17-Mar-2020
    Thanks so much for having read all of these. Very nice of you and I'm very appreciative.
Comment by
2018 Poet of the Year
Gloria ....
2014 - #365 Poet of the Year
2014 - #56 Author of the Year
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  14
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  24
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Ha, I got quite a charge out of Dan's internal conversation about Dr. J. That's the first thing one always wonders, will we hang out, and I wonder if he bowls. Excellent!

Love the chatty bar talk of anthropogenic carbon emissions. I think that's really popular these days.

Sigh, you gotta love the boldness of beer talking.

Excellent part 2, Mark.

Just one typo in the synopsis:

find themsleves (themselves) sharing an office.

A most enjoyable read, now off to read part 3.

Gloria



 Comment Written 16-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 17-Mar-2020
    Thanks, Gloria. Yeah I had to stretch my imagination to come up with what bar talk might sound like at Caltech - quite different than the south side of Chicago I'm pretty sure.
Comment by
susand3022
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  48
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  49
Author Rating For Novels
 
Script Rating
  Rank:  11
Review Stars
 
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Oh no! He had a "me" moment! Open mouth, insert foot to thigh! LOL Poor guy. I wonder if Carrie will ever get the message? Something tells me that Dr. J is going to tell Carrie that Dan's got the hots for her and that's why he's so upset. LOL


 Comment Written 16-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 16-Mar-2020
    Yeah, alcohol often had that effect on me in college as well. Dan is a pretty easy character for me to write.
Comment by
lightink
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  66
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  63
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Mark, this series is so much fun! I can't wait the next one! The main character is so well worked out, he is palpable. The girl...well...she probably has either Aspereger's or some nasty trauma history. Can't wait to know more. Also, this cliff hanger is a killer. The story got very exciting - poor drunken guy! I'm very much looking forward to the next.
(PS: Please tell me, these are not your son's adventures at Collage/University :)

I love it.
Keep going,

J


 Comment Written 15-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 15-Mar-2020
    Thanks you so much. I'm very appreciative of anyone who takes the time to read even one chapter of this four part story. I hope to post chapter 3 tomorrow or Tuesday.
Comment by
Gypsy Blue Rose
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  9
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  13
 

#9 Ranked Poet
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hello, Mark,

I am enjoying reading Molecules. It's more serious than I remember you writing. It's easy to imagine Dan and Carie go at it, and the party and Dan getting drunk... the whole chapter. I was engaged from beginning to end. Well developed characters and storyline. Well done, my friend. I can't wait for the next chapter.

gypsy


 Comment Written 14-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 15-Mar-2020
    Thanks. I haven't posted a story for a while, and I've never posted a four-parter so I really appreciate your staying with this one. It is a more serious piece than I usually write, but I'm trying to get some humo in there as well.
Comment by
Gert sherwood
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  31
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  49
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hello Mark Valentine
It looks like I haven't read a few chapters of your fine story of
of two Dan and Carie, sharing an office who seem to dislike each other is interesting to see what you are to write to make amends between Dan and Carrie.
Gert


 Comment Written 14-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 15-Mar-2020
    Thanks Gert - there was only one other chapter before this one, and I think you can skip it without being too lost. I'm hoping you'll be able to read one of the two remaining chapters.

reply by Gert sherwood on 15-Mar-2020
    Hello Mark Valentine
    I will be watching for your post Molecules
    Gert
Comment by
George Anderson
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  390
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  168
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Excellent follow up on the first part of the story. I can't wait to see how it all unfolds. Probably not with them together. At least that's what I assume even though it is pointing in that direction.
Also, I'm impressed with the thorough research you have done on the science behind things.


 Comment Written 14-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 15-Mar-2020
    Thanks. I did spend some time on the Caltech website to make sure I had authentic names for buildings and departments. That's part of the fun of writing in my opinion.
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