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Reviews from
Molecules - the finale


The Blue Room

  20 total reviews 
Comment by
lightink
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  66
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  63
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Yeah, I remembered right! I read this but never reviewed. Sorry for being late.

I very much enjoyed this series, the one tricky part is that I don't fully grasp - as the reader - how the turn actually happened in the lady... how she softened for the first time...somehow it's too sharp of a turn to happen without something monumental (or quite a bit of therapy) :).
However, him talking about the miracle of existence is so beautiful, and the epilogue is very heart warming - I can't help but love it.
Especially the ending...him finally winning that dinner in the delivery room :). Awesome writing!


 Comment Written 08-Jul-2020



reply by the author on 08-Jul-2020
    Thanks so much for going back to review this one - over and above the call of duty. You're absolutely right about Carie's change of heart - it made sense in my mind - she always was a decent person, but put on a hard persona at Caltech because she anticipated that she would have a hard go of it in a man's world if she showed signs of softness. Eventually, Dan's being kind to her wore her persona down. I was worried about this story being too long so I didn't spend enough time sketching out that trajectory. Your favorite part was my favorite part also - the epilogue - so glad you liked it.

reply by lightink on 08-Jul-2020
    As you describe it it totally makes sense. I can't remember if she expressed it so clearly. I know she said she didn't know why she'd been like that! I can only speak to myself...but from you I'd never mind longer pieces. Your author's voice usually pretty fun! :)
Comment by
closetpoetjester
Metronomaniacal
Tendancies
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  119
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  371
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
Hey Mark this was a terrrific rounding off to the whole molecular construction story. All the pieces fit now and I enjoyed reading what happened after you fantasized about a small very sensual area and then found that very important location again. Which I have to agree, does seem to evoke a sensation and shiver of pure delight when done with the right lips in the correct way....say no more. Anyway, Dan got the girl and so he should have. He created his own miracle. Damn straight!
So for me, to be totally honest, overall excellent writing and genuine the whole way with one small exception.
The only bit that felt a little over the top was all those stars aligning when you were finally having a pash. With that said, Dan's character probably WAS going through all that in his mind, so my only advice to Dan is don't overthink it...enjoy the moment and know you actually got you the girl. No miracle required. BTW I also enjoyed the imagery with their long awaited embrace and the tousled hair effect. It DOES happen like that.
Now...just one other possible dodgy fact...does anyone EVER get 10 for that Apgar score?? LOL You've piqued my interest now LOL I must go find out my facts!
Great stuff. Six for you. Entertaining and engaging.
P


 Comment Written 03-Apr-2020



reply by the author on 04-Apr-2020
    Thanks. Unlike a lot of the crap that I post, i actually put a lot of thought into this one, so I'm very pleased that you a) took the time to read, and b) Gave it such a wonderful review. A review which, in addition to boosting my ego, introduced me to the idiom "having a pash" - you guys have so many fun turns of phrases - I want to learn to speak Australian.

reply by closetpoetjester on 04-Apr-2020
    Well I'm sure we could organise a lesson haha

    Trust me, you don't want to learn Australian
    It's such a complex vernacular
    No one over there will understand you LOL

    I can however recommend a thorough piss take on our ocker language

    Check this out, it's absolutely hilarious, but funnily enough it's true....we drop the ends of most words and add our own abbreviations.

    Let me know if you can speak Aussie after this!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDb_WsAt_Z0
Comment by
Pam (respa)
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  23
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  25
Review Stars
  Rank:  29
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
-This is a good final chapter, Mark.
-Dan certainly knows his molecules
and uses them to show his theories
of life and existence.
-Because he is in awe of Carie's
intelligence, he probably figures
it's a good way to explain relationships, too.
-She seems to like it, and encourages
him to continue with his theories.
-I like the part toward the end about
Einstein understanding the waiting room,
and the reason for Dan liking the quote.
-It all comes together very well since
Carie and Dan are together and now
have their own tiny molecule, called Karen.
-A good ending to a good story.


 Comment Written 20-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 21-Mar-2020
    Thanks so much Pam for reading all of these. I really liked writing this one, and it is rewarding to know some folks found it worth reading,

reply by Pam (respa) on 21-Mar-2020
    You are very welcome, Mark. I enjoyed reading them.
Comment by
Elizabeth Emerald
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  170
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  2
Script Rating
  Rank:  5
Review Stars
  Rank:  6
 

#2 Ranked Author

#5 Ranked Script Writer
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Delightful. Needed something fresh and funny! some real zingers--US Weekly sucks...Einstein decomposing...and the wonderfully inventive epilogue. Cheers. LIZ (Curious as to if/how the religious/atheist issue was resolved. I wrote a piece on this very subject called Believe It or Not where the husband/wife set out to understand each other's position. You can find it in my portfolio.)


 Comment Written 19-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 21-Mar-2020
    Thanks for the review and for calling my attention to your wonderful piece on the husband/wife debate about God. In my mind, the tension for the characters in my story was less about whether or not God exists, than it was about intellectual humility. I think Dan takes offense at Carie's thinking she's too intellectual for faith and his bet around miracles was an impulsive comeback to her critique on the Einstein quote.

reply by Elizabeth Emerald on 21-Mar-2020
    Thank you for reading my piece for a mere tuppence in funny money. (I do this too when I congratulate contest winners listed.) My piece focused on the UH-OH--how do we raise the baby?
Comment by
2019 Novelist of the Year
Ulla
Premier Author
Premier Reader
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  74
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  171
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  3
Review Stars
  Rank:  40
 

#3 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Hi Mark, awe, I wish I had a six for this lovely write and it is so very well written. It's a mix of laughter reality and then some more laughter and the bliss of pure happiness. I loved it. What a shame I only read this half but glad I did. Only one thing. So you think law students are dump? Well, I have a law degree. So there!!
You are a great writer, all the same. Ulla:)))


 Comment Written 19-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
    I certainly do not think law students are dumb - a fictional character in my story does. Thanks so much for the kind review and virtual six - much appreciated!
Comment by
royowen
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  1
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Review Stars
  
 
 Rank:  1
 

#1 Ranked Poet!

#1 Ranked Reviewer!
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is my kind of story, having an incurable case of romanticism, so the happy ending is perfect, and thanks for the series, you are one heck of a writer my friend. I can remember a mathematical/physicist friend arguing the toss about evolution v creationism, (by the way I was an atheistic/evolutionist freak before God did that persuasive thing on the inside) in the end he said, "I just don't want to believe in God" my reply was, "Why didn't you say that in the first place, we could have saved unnecessary oxygen excretion." Well done Mark, (how deep is your God connection?) blessings, Roy,
Typo, (and I course correct) and I, of course, correct?


 Comment Written 18-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 18-Mar-2020
    Thanks Roy. Yeah, I couldn't resist the happy ending. As for my God connection, as I may have mentioned, once upon a time I thought about being a priest, but, being Catholic, that would have precluded marriage and family, which was a more appropriate vocation for me. That said, like many, I try, fall short, try again. I'm a big fan of logic and reason - like the character in my story, I believe that the human mind is finite and that there is much that we don't understand, but there is a lot that we do understand and I would have a hard time believing in a God that contradicted logic and common sense - for example, a God who hates, or punishes people who were born in a different part of the world.

    But I digress - thanks so much for reading these - much appreciated.

reply by royowen on 18-Mar-2020
    Oh yes, I could not serve a God who was without equity, it would render scripture void. The cross has all the answers to this question. If Peter had a wife, that puts to death the celibacy debate, and Paul warned to get married, if one ?burned? with passion, but now I know what I believe, but that certainty was planted in me, before I could argue the philosophical viewpoint, at 41, I became as a child...So no, God is easy to explain, but not to the deaf or blind. So count your blessings, not your philosophical logic, I know both dimensions, and so should you Mark, but it doesn?t matter how faith comes. Bless you.
Comment by
Alcreator Litt Dear
 
Poet Rating
 
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  
 Rank:  11
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
This is becoming a marvelous, realistic and naturally flown fictional work climaxing the historic event unfolding in the room; appreciable and interesting is the plot development with a curious ending; well said, well done; thank you for sharing this interesting read; if I could rate it with a 6 star; pray to God for a Coronavirus free world and help us fight for a Covid-19 free living; be a God sent my Premier Shield Upgrade sponsor.


 Comment Written 18-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 18-Mar-2020
    Thanks for taking the time to read this rather long piece - much appreciated.
Comment by
Pantygynt
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  94
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  4
Script Rating
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  21
 

#4 Ranked Novelist
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Aaaah! All's Well that Ends Well. You haven't been boning up on your Shakespearean comedies by any chance have you? This had a good plot.
Boy meets girl but it doesn't work out well to begin with
Then it got better
Then it got really great.

Come to think of it most of Shakespear's comedies are like that so you are in good company.

The thing that makes this interesting is not the plot but the characters. Wow! A literary novel!


 Comment Written 18-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 18-Mar-2020
    Thanks - I really liked the characters also. I'm guessing that's how you feel about Sean and some of your other creations. I'm not used to writing these longer pieces.
Comment by
Bill Pinder
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  39
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  79
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  28
Review Stars
  Rank:  80
 
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted
Great finale to a great story. I would give you six stars if I had it. The birth of a baby is an amazing miracle. You did a great job of weaving some science and humor in a very unique story. Bill


 Comment Written 18-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 18-Mar-2020
    Thanks. Yeah the births of my children were as closed to miracles as I've ever come (or needed to come).
Comment by
George Anderson
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  390
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  168
 
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level
This conclusion is deserving of 6 stars. I'm happy that Carie did end up losing the bet! This is a wonderful love story. The comparison of the universe as a waiting room to get to a miracle by Einstein's alleged quote.

I'm not sure but I think you made a minor spelling mistake in this sentence:
moneys on typewriters for enough time -> moneys is monkeys?


 Comment Written 18-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 18-Mar-2020
    Thanks - I changed the typo you caught - funny how you can read something thirty times and still miss stuff like that. The (alleged) Einstein quote is what got me thinking about all this.

reply by George Anderson on 18-Mar-2020
    Very true, but that's how this community can help out to find a typo like that :). It happens to everyone.
    Maybe I should look at some quotes from famous people...
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