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Reviews from
Mr. J and Benny


a 150-word story

  15 total reviews 
Comment by
Sharon Haiste
Premier Author
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  60
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  14
Review Stars
  Rank:  43
 
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I think this is a good entry for the Flash Fiction contest.
This short piece tells of a conversation between a boy shopping for Mom and the store clerk.
Well done and I wish you good luck with the contest.
Sharon


 Comment Written 20-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 20-Mar-2020
    Thank you, Sharon
Comment by
Y. M. Roger
FantasyGirl
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  3
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  5
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  18
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  Rank:  2
 

#5 Ranked Author

#3 Ranked Poet

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LOL!! Poor little feller got more than a bit tongue tied there!! ;) :) I'm guessing you had some 'creative influence' from one of the grandkids...? :) ;) Thanx for sharing, Bill, and best of luck in the contest! ;) Yvette


 Comment Written 20-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 20-Mar-2020
    Thanks, Yvette.
Comment by
nomi338
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  Rank:  146 (+14)
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  Rank:  126
 
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Never send a kid to the store to get anything without a note. If you do mom! If you do, you should not be surprised by what the kid brings home. If you care enough that you get what you want, send the kid with a note, MOM!


 Comment Written 20-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 20-Mar-2020
    I went to get my dad a Christmas present when I was eight. The picture on the back of the box was a toaster, so I bought it for the amazing price of two dollars. Apparently that was another offer as the box contained feminine napkins. Dad was surprised, and I was deemed super stupid.

reply by nomi338 on 21-Mar-2020
    Only you. Thank God it was only you and not me. My mom would have beat the daylights out of me after she finished laughing at my ignorance.
Comment by
Mistydawn
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  Rank:  13
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  Rank:  73
 
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The poor kid was all confused for a bit. Of course, the name thing didn't help the poor lad out. I'm glad he got it worked out. The story is well-written, interesting and your dialogue is believable. Good luck with your contest.


 Comment Written 20-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 20-Mar-2020
    Thanks, MD
Comment by
sandramitchell
Level 1 Pro
Sandra Mitchell
Sandra Stoner Mitc
 
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  Rank:  79
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  Rank:  1
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  Rank:  26
 

#1 Ranked Novelist!
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Bill, that was a classic, fabulously funny, and so like a child to get his names mixed up. Actually, I still do! You really came up with a gem with this flash fiction, my friend, good luck in the contest! :)) Sandra xxx


 Comment Written 20-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 20-Mar-2020
    Thank you, Sandra. This felt like a slice of life.

reply by sandramitchell on 20-Mar-2020
    That is exactly what it was. I thought it was very well done. :))
Comment by
2014 Story Writer Of The Year
humpwhistle
Level 9 Pro
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  Rank:  56
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  Rank:  3
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  Rank:  75
 

#3 Ranked Author
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Remind me a little bit of a typical exchange between George Burns and Gracie Allen. Frankly, I get green beans and kidney stones confused, too.
Good entry for the contest.
I wish you a lot of luck.

Peace, Lee


 Comment Written 20-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 20-Mar-2020
    Thank you, Lee.
Comment by
phill doran
.
.
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  54
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  21
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  Rank:  246
 
phill doran Recommends:
dreamtime
the night, watch...
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Hello Bill
Very clever. You have a great way with dialogue and as I reader you help me create a 'voice' for your characters very easily.
This is also a very accurate rendering of experiences we've all had (as the small child or the adult recipient of the garbled message): it is something all (I think) will relate to.
As I have also written a piece for this contest, it is with great sincerity that I say that I hope you do well and come second(!)
Enjoy your continued writing
I wish you well
cheers
phill


 Comment Written 20-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 20-Mar-2020
    Thank you, Phil. I wish you the same. Bill
Comment by
thaities, Rebecca V.
Premier Author
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  Rank:  8
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  Rank:  7
 

#8 Ranked Author
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That's a cute story. Made me chuckle at the end. Children are so cute with language and they try so hard to be polite (if trained well) and grown up. Well done!


 Comment Written 20-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 20-Mar-2020
    Thank you, TT

reply by thaities, Rebecca V. on 20-Mar-2020
    You're very welcome.
Comment by
Suzanna Ray
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  100
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  165
Review Stars
  Rank:  57
 
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Dear Bill, this post was just plain down-home country fun!
I loved the Mr. Johnsonson!
Where do these crazy notions that keep popping up in your scripts, come from?
Maybe from your dog nuzzling your toes as you sit at your computer.
If so, keep him safe from the viri too!


 Comment Written 19-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
    Thanks, Suzanna. Hope you are staying well.

reply by Suzanna Ray on 19-Mar-2020
    I am!
Comment by
kahpot
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  40
Author Rating For Short Works
 
Review Stars
  Rank:  23
 
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Very clever and very humorous, the little fella is a tad confused and doing his best to confuse the store owner, the little fella may not have got it but I did "wished he'd passed it in his car" best wishes for your contest****kahpot


 Comment Written 19-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
    Thank you, kahpot
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