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Reviews from
When We Ate Late


an eighty-word story

  16 total reviews 
Comment by
Debbie Pope
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Poet Rating
  Rank:  43
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  Rank:  38
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  Rank:  64
 
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What an enjoyable story. I have a grandson named Eddy. I intend to start calling his favorite food 'skeddy," Like me, he loves word plays.
This is so clever, and I wouldn't be surprised to see your name on the leaderboard. My only suggestion would be to have Mom talk say her one line in silly verse.


 Comment Written 05-Apr-2020



reply by the author on 05-Apr-2020
    Thank you, Debbie, for the encouraging review and suggestion.
Comment by
2012 Script Writer Of The Year
Spitfire
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  Rank:  10
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  Rank:  97
 

#10 Ranked Author
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LOL. I liked to believe my toys came to life when I wasn't in the room. However, I never thought of the door stop. The rhyming words make this a fun read-aloud.


 Comment Written 25-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 25-Mar-2020
    Thanks, Shari.
Comment by
Alcreator Litt Dear
 
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 Rank:  11
 
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Apparently it is a silly question, after all it is a matter of eating, no one is ready to go with the truth; dark cannot hide the truth; well said, well done; thank you for sharing this. You are free to buy a $ 10 Gift Card and gift me to help make me a premier shield upgraded member.


 Comment Written 23-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
    Thanks, ALD
Comment by
Jannypan (Jan)
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  Rank:  5
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  Rank:  27 (+2)
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  Rank:  6
 

#5 Ranked Poet
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Well that ending was unexpected. I enjoyed reading your contest entry. I like the dialogue. It sounds natural if toys could talk, I guess. But it was fun until . . . Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Respectfully, Jan


 Comment Written 22-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
    Thanks, Jan
Comment by
Y. M. Roger
FantasyGirl
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  3
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  5
Author Rating For Novels
  Rank:  19
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Review Stars
  Rank:  3
 

#5 Ranked Author

#3 Ranked Poet

#3 Ranked Reviewer
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Oooooo.... eeerie one, Bill.... and one to which I can relate on certain days around the big ol' empty house: gives me the goose bumps just thinking about it... :) Like the smattering of rhyme throughout - makes it almost like a tongue-twister to read out loud! :) :) Good luck in the contest! ;)Yvette


 Comment Written 22-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
    Thank you, Yvette. Most found it confusing.

reply by Y. M. Roger on 23-Mar-2020
    Yes... have had the same happen with almost all of mine that aren't 'patently obvious' ... if that's the correct term...? Still, I thought it was creepily cool! ;)
Comment by
Mistydawn
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  Rank:  14
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  Rank:  75
 
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What a cute story, a fun little read. I guess you could consider it a story/poem the way it rhymes so well, coupled with its rhymic flow. My oldest boy used to call it pa sketti, lol. Good luck with your contest, thanks for rehashing an old memory.


 Comment Written 22-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
    Thanks, MD, for giving this a look. Bill
Comment by
2016 and 2018 Script Write Of The Year
judiverse
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  Rank:  32 (+1)
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  Rank:  7
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  Rank:  1
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  Rank:  41
 

#7 Ranked Author

#1 Ranked Script Writer!
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I'm not sure what's going on here. but it's flash fiction. We really don't have to know why all the fuss about the spaghetti and meatballs and then Mom entering an empty room. Maybe something was off with the spaghetti. Maybe it's all an hallucination on Mom's part. Maybe we're all hallucinating. That's a lot of maybe's. Best of luck in the contest. judi


 Comment Written 22-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
    I hoped the abrupt change in tone would make it memorable.
Comment by
nomi338
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  Rank:  138
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  Rank:  126
 
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Hunh? Did I miss a line or something? I get the nasty spaghetti, but what happened to the greedy kids who ate it anyway? Did the disappear into stomach ache land, or are they in the john doing God's work, feeding the porcelain kitty?


 Comment Written 21-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 21-Mar-2020
    Or ? did this all happen a long time ago?

reply by nomi338 on 22-Mar-2020
    Hum, could be...who really knows.
Comment by
BeasPeas
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  Rank:  18
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  Rank:  25
 
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Ewww! Spooky. Where did they all go, if they ever were there at all? Good rhyming with the "eddy" sound. Wrap up is unexpected. Best of luck in the contest. Marilyn


 Comment Written 21-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 21-Mar-2020
    I was going for memorable and macabre.
Comment by
Suzanna Ray
Premier Author
 
Poet Rating
  Rank:  97 (+1)
Author Rating For Short Works
  Rank:  156
Review Stars
  Rank:  52
 
Excellent
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Dear Buddy I see you are back to your favorite form, (script writing) for this entry in this flash fiction contest. It will be interesting to see how the vote goes this time round.


 Comment Written 21-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 21-Mar-2020
    Thank you, Suzanna, for giving this a look. Bill

reply by Suzanna Ray on 21-Mar-2020
    I always enjoy your stuff, both outstanding and sorta dumb.
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