Twisted Bliss
Enter the mind of the world's most elusive serial killer.
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Reviews from
St Louis


Viewing comments for Chapter 58 "St. Louis Chapter 24 part 3"

Can McKenzie solve Megan Nelson?s murder?

  16 total reviews 
Comment by
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Ideasaregems-Dawn
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Well done, Barbara. I am far behind in everything, so I hope you forgive me if I have missed the odd chapter-- I'm just not on FanStory as much as I used to be. Not enough hours in the day!


 Comment Written 28-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 29-Mar-2020
    I understand about the hours in a day. Thank you for leaving this kind review.
Comment by
thaities, Rebecca V.
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Another great chapter in the book "St Louis." The story line progresses at a steady exciting pace, the characters seem like people you actually know, and their conversations are very natural. You are quite talented. Glad to be your fan.


 Comment Written 25-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 25-Mar-2020
    Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment by
tfawcus
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Mac and Logan's relationship has certainly taken a leap forward in this section. Logan still treads on thin ice, but so far he's managed to avoid falling through. Interesting to see where this goes next. I have a feeling this may be the lull before the storm.


 Comment Written 25-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 25-Mar-2020
    There is a storm coming. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment by
susand3022
 
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Ahhhhhhhhhh..... heavy sigh... why'd she have to run upstairs? Was he getting out of control in the nether regions or something? LOL (not that we'd know cuz you didn't say... lol) She really should have invited him up to see the color of her sheets! Oh, Loogaaan!!! ;)


 Comment Written 23-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 24-Mar-2020
    Logan would have declined. McKenzie has trust issues. Thank you for the kind review.

reply by susand3022 on 24-Mar-2020
    There's always a good waltz... that would have been cute... next times food for thought... next time they're dancing in the living room and she starts to run, instead of letting go, he can twirl her away from him then as she comes back he can take her and Walt's her around the couch like Belle, in Beauty and the Beast. It can cut het tension and bring back the fun in a goofy way. Lol. - the bedroom comment wasn't a sex comment as much as a "sharing space" comment. He could have laid on top of the covers with her, both fully clothed and held her while she slept. Just a step closer for her tho. I wasn't trying to make her a tramp in a week, but the poor guy is on the couch. I hope it's comfortable. Lol
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Writingfundimension
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Hi, Barbara

Dancing to Google music -- nice take on the more modern elements of romance these days. Your two protagonists are getting closer, with Logan seeming to be the one with the most initiative. Well done!

Bev


 Comment Written 23-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
    I think McKenzie is afraid. She has trust issues.
    Thank you for the kind review.

reply by Writingfundimension on 25-Mar-2020
    You're welcome, Barbara. :)
Comment by
Iza Deleanu
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Logan and Mackenzie having a little break to get to know each other and still working on her sister murder case. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your next chapter.


 Comment Written 22-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 23-Mar-2020
    Thank you for the kind review.
Comment by
Alcreator Litt Dear
 
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Another phase of making the fiction even more interesting with Logan and McKenzie they are still in search of the thematic murderer, you have shown your craft of expression in plot development, so well balanced, skimmed at par with the thematic maturity through a diversion but well linked, mastery of characterization is evident and writing realistic and contributory dialogues are evident with the flow of thoughts all the way, this chapter ends with a happy image, I look forward to read more dimensional feature for thematic glowing manifestation in expression; thank you for sharing this mystic romantic wave; you may buy a Gift Card $ 25 MD and gift me to help me make a Premier Shield upgraded member.


 Comment Written 22-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
    Thank you for the kind review.
Comment by
royowen
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This is a wonderful episode Barbara, they're getting closer, if they get any closer, they'll be permanently glued at the hips, what then. I was wondering if Logan is being recalled to Fort Bragg, what then...? Beautifully written dear Barbara, blessings, Roy
Typo : Logan walked into (the) den...


 Comment Written 22-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
    Thank you for the kind review. I can promise thing will heat up.

reply by royowen on 22-Mar-2020
    Well done
Comment by
Shirley McLain
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That is great belly rubbing music from Brad. I enjoyed listening to him. Great song and chapter. I did not see a single mistake. Great job as always. Shirley


 Comment Written 22-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
    Thank you for the kind review.
Comment by
sandramitchell
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Sandra Mitchell
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Aw, what a lovely part, Barbara, I really enjoyed this. I thought it was so romantic, Logan setting up everything to help Mac relax. The dancing, everything. You really surpassed yourself in this part. I don't think he has messed up, but Mac is feeling very vulnerable at the moment. I loved this part, my friend. Well done. :)) Sandra xxx

A couple of nit I found.
McKenzie took a bite of the grilled steak and [her] set her fork down.

(")I Googled dance music. If you don't like the channel, tell me and I'll find something else."


 Comment Written 22-Mar-2020



reply by the author on 22-Mar-2020
    I have made those changes. Thank you for the help.
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